General

They allways say that. Everyone, people are leaving me like it’s fucking cool to do that. they always say “I’m leaving. Goodbye.” And, today my mom was being really….bitchy, and she walked out the door, and left me alone. But before she did she said, “I’m leaving, Goodbye.” and the door closed. I just sat in my room crying, trying to process what had just happened, “was she coming back, was I an orphan, was I ever to see her again….She’s not coming back, they never do.” I just crawled into bed and closed my eyes, and then she returned. But she was yelling at […]

I was happy. I really was. But now I’m starting to feel bad again. It didn’t take long. It’s like I want to cry, like my body misses being sad. Maybe I’m just scared. I am scared. Any person would be a little scared, right? But I’m not a little scared. I’m really scared. I’m scared that something’s gonna happen again, and it’s all gonna come crashing down. I mean, maybe I should give up on him. What do you think? I’ll give you a list of why I think I should, and why I think I shouldn’t.

Why I should

He keeps staring at me
I really […]

So, i used to cut. I stopped because it bothered my signifigant other and mybparents found out, and they took it bad because they want a ‘perfect’ daughter which i can never be close to because perfect is an obstacle for all, not just me. Anyways, no one believes i have stopped and everytime theres a cut on my they just assume. Oh, and big thing about me: I cant stand assumers. And i have attempted suicide a couple times before. (Only my boyfriend knows of it) and i told my boyfriend about this website, which i suppose was a mistake and now he believes […]

As a kid I was quiet and went unnoticed except when my father yelled at me. When I started kindergarten at age 5, the bullying started. Name calling.. Being called *****, stupid, whore, dumbass… The list goes on.. Being pushed around and used. People telling me they’re my friends then using me for my smarts and putting me down as fat and ugly.. At 12 I fell into love and was ignored and forgotten. At 11 my father abandoned us…

As a teen I am quiet and hide myself. At 13 I fell in love again, my mother found out about the 19 year old and […]

I guess I was supposed to be dead by now. I haven’t been on this site in almost a year. I was looking over my past posts and I don’t remember writing them. It was just like finding someone who understands you completely. I guess things are the same as they’ve always been, I’d just forgotten. I’ve had my ups and downs again….and again, and now I’m back. When will I learn…

I wanna starve myself,Im 15 I waight 66 kilos (I dont know how is that on pounds) and I wanna be thin. But,im always fuckin hungry-.- Wanna give an end on this(!)

I don’t know how to “diagnose” what  I am… I’ll share my symptoms and if someone, anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated:

-I cut

-I think about suicide, yet I’m scared when my life is threatened

-The anticipation of doing anything besides going to bed literally terrifies me

-I could be fine one minute, and cutting profusely the next

-I think about cutting all the time, I even do it when I’m not upset.

-I’m very open about my problems to everyone except my family

I’m begging anyone to please help clarify what is wrong with me & what I need to do to feel ok again..

Im not going to lie to anyone here. I have not got the worst problems ever. Im average looking and i come from a privileged background. I am scare of failure. I have lived my entire life in pressure and now i am finished. All these exams and stuff, i cant cope. My parents pay so much money to give me this lifestyle and i have let them down. They deserve better than me. So im going to do it. Im going to use a handgun we have hidden away. I just wanted to be slightly remembered. Don’t call me stupid or im overreacting, because […]

The end starts today. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. I have decided to starve myself to death. I have been fighting this depression for too long and I can’t take it anymore. When everything I touch just turns to dust and everything I say is twisted or ignored. This has been going on for way too long now. The people who surround me, the same people who are supposed to be my family and love me unconditionally, hurt me with their actions and comments. The anxiety attacks are back and soon I won’t be able to deal with them anymore.
I […]

I choose to ignore anything religious.. Not worrh my time.

I ve got some plans for 2013, but everybody thinks they will fall through,nobody really wants to support me in anyway not even a single.”wow sounds like a good idea”

I feel like adult life sucks. Just a few years ago I had all the support from my parents. Now I have so many bills, my credit is being destroyed, I work a job I’m unappreciated at. Now my parents find me just a problem. I try to explain how I’m feeling and they are silent. They don’t know what to say. Would they be silent for a friend?

My mother used to be so kind. Now she is cold ice.

What do I have to look forward to? Getting old, being uglier, working more, more pressure, less help.

No one wants to listen. I listened to them.

Now […]

I’m so depressed this weekend and I have absolutely no one I can turn to or lean on. My parents just called from Europe where they’re living the next few years. I just want to cry and tell them I’m hurting and I miss them, but they can’t come back, so it won’t do any good. My mother just lost her mother this month. I want to be strong, but I need some human contact, and I’ve lost my friends and family.

So since I can’t tell them I’m hurting, I just act like an asshole, and I act like I don’t want to talk to […]

Last Night

I watched the blood.

Last Night

I cried again.

Last night.

Today

I cut again.

Today

I cried again.

Today.

Tomorrow

I’ll slit my wrists

Tomorrow

Ill tear up again.

Tomorrow

Ill die.