For general topics related to the site.
when it’s your fucking sister
your best friend
the one you did everything you could for
and then in the end you couldn’t even save her
i spent 19 years with you and i couldn’t stop anything
i failed
life just isn’t important anymore
i rather risk the afterlife to be with you
i just have to figure out how
THE RULES:
1. when you feel like you want to cut, take a marker or pen and draw a butterfly on wherever the self-harm occurs.
2. name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. NO scrubbing the butterfly off.
4. if you cut before the butterfly is gone, it dies. if you don’t cut, it lives.
5. if you have more than one, cutting kills them all.
6. another person may draw them on you. these butterflies are extra special. take good care of them.
7. even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a […]
I wonder if i could hire a hitman.Its not a plan or anything like that just curious.My friend has tried to kill herself recently and ive determined after therapy she wont be the same shell eventually be healthy with time.Im not upset about this its good that shell get the help.But i wont be of need anymore. my family will be able to pay bills and possibly move into a better home.I myself do not neccesarily want to die but i sense danger ahead that will destroy my sanity either way.I must escape.And no one will save me cause they never had any interest in […]
This song is really close to home for me, I thought a lot of you could probably relate.
Am I just floating around in this moment of time and space? It makes me wonder. A state of mind, ’cause I’m just fading away, and my head is lost up in the satellites. I’m so far and gone to ever get it right. Through unseeing eyes, day dreaming again.
Eternity is seemingly an endless waiting. Lost in forever. Eternally, a limitless time. It’s never ending. I’m lost in forever.
Am I just hanging around all alone in my mindless haze? It takes me under. […]
lost my mother,my father,my uncle,my car,my dog,my cat, my health, my home, I’m wanted by the sheriff, no one in my family hardly talks to me, I’m thousands of dollars in debt. I can’t have sex, I’m 42 years old. I’m an alcoholic and use drugs, I hate my job, I hate my neighbors, I just want it all to go away!!
Further to my recent post, My Bones, for what its worth, I would like to tell you all, Ive done it. Ive just said no to meeting the ex and her daughter as ” Just friends”. She wanted to meet in our usual spot, the place where I fell in love with her. I just couldnt do it. I love her way to much to be just friends, she has someone else now, and thats whats killing me. Ive seen her a couple of times since the split, and it crushes me inside.
This is a HUGE step for me, as I love her with all […]
I cant fuck up my suicide again but im getting out of this world tonight.
I have been in a rocky, controlling relationship with a man I have been head over heels in love with for about a year now. He was never very nice, always controlling, very jealous, and extremely verbally abusive… A tall, sexy, tattooed from head to toe punk rocker, I fell in love immediately. we both have had hard lives, and he was from New York in Oregon (where I’m from) because he knocked a girl up in New York who was from Oregon, and he moved to Oregon to be the father. They didn’t work out. Anyway, we started a relationship, had a lot of […]
It feels… heavy, I suppose. Like everything weighs a lot more than it really does, like just getting up takes a lot of effort, like my bones are so heavy that I only move when I absolutely have to. Sometimes I have to talk myself into doing tiny, simple things that shouldn’t take a second thoughts, but they are so exhausting at times and dragging myself through the motions takes so much effort it’s barely worthwhile any more. And I’m not heavy at all, I just feel it. I don’t feel as light and as free as I actually am, even though I know I […]
I’ve been married now for almost 5 years. I live in a state without my immediate family. I have tried to make friends, but it always seems like I end up with the selffish ones. I Never thought moving to a new state would make it so hard to find a place where I can fit in. I try to make friends so I can have someone to hangout with or talk to when I need a friend. It is so hard to use my out of state family, because I don’t want them to worry about me if something is hurting me.
Lately, I […]
Well that is it. I skipped class today after just another shitty day without talking or knowing noone in this huge class of over 100 students and already by now everyone has study groups. After that moment something glitched in my brain and I simply did what I always do. Escape. So I took the first bus home. I was so pissed off at myself that I turned to the closest mall and told myself that I would not be a ***** any longer and go through with taking my life today..so I bought a six pack of ice cold Heinekens and a bottle of […]
How many times did you lie today? To others? To yourself?
I keep losing count. Especially of that last one.
Gosh I haven’t been on this site in months. My girlfriend of years left me last year in February. She didn’t say it was over or anything. She just stopped talking me me, and that was it. I treated her like a princess gave her all my love and attention. She just left. Poof like we never met. I still wonder if she thinks of me. I pretty much gave up on love..its not worth the pain. I bring this all up because I had a dream about her last night. She came back for me she kissed me with the scent of mint that […]
Yeah so this is the little intro to the second “What you missed” it’s just what happened while i was gone of the site for a few months.
Day#6
so my friend likes tayler to like a lot. he’s not really my friend but he told me he liked her so now if i asked her out i would feel kinda bad. but me and tayler shared hot chocolate
Day#7
so i decided skrew it i want to date tayler so im going to and i asked her out and she said yes i havent been this happy since my last girlfriend.
Day#8 i actually skipped a few […]
well basically um, my live is a bag of dog shit. but eh im not the only one. so um this is just me trying to pick up where i left off a few months ago.enjoy i guess.
Day #1
So im pretty confused im a mess and i just can’t handle myself anymore if i stay like this im going to go crazy and just hold it in for the rest of my life and life alone in the dark. Or im going to try and kill myself over and over until i die.
Day#2
So this girl i like asked me to go to the movies with […]
Aghhh I dint think these thoughts would come back. Wanting to disappear, be in my own world. Where there’s no problems, no arguing, no one to blame me for everything. Suicide?? I thought this thought had left. Maybe it never did its been deep inside me just wanting to come back out again. I admit I’m a bit scared… I don’t like it very much having these thoughts. I just wish I knew how to get rid of them…..
I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Tempman first off. I found this site searching for how I should go about ending my life. Some of the stories here are quite depressing, so much so they make me enjoy life a little more, as cynical as that is, but alas, I’m not here to be cynical. A little background, my brother committed suicide in 2009 after a very long and dramatic story. Four years prior to his death, was the beginning of my depression, my…thoughts. In May of this year, my best friend committed suicide. I, only having one person that understood my pain, was […]
In the last few weeks, I’ve gotten barely past three times when I was really suicidal. Once I was more ready to die than I ever have been my whole life – I had means, I had opportunity, I had everything. I’m amazed I survived it, actually.
But then I thought I was getting better. I agreed to a Safety Plan, and I was working it. But then I got hit with some big emotional pain again last night, and today I don’t give a hoot about a Safety Plan. I’m just tired of going through this over and over again. And for what? The one […]
Police are corrupt, uncaring, violent.
Accused of a crime I did not commit, paid all I had to defend myself with a good laywer. Had to put off finishing my master’s degree to pay for innocence. Trial is still a month away, nothing guaranteed even with video evidence on my side.
Accused of something I would never do, never ever. I would never assault someone, maybe insult as a playful joke, but never assault. Definitely not battery, but the video clears me of that.
I bought my method today, waiting on delivery to finish it. They can’t convict a dead person.
Its all going to look like an accident. […]
I walk in the door, dragging my feet, with barely enough energy to lift my head and greet my parents.  They do that whole “I’ve missed you, nice to see you, how was your trip?†thing, and then, in turn, they lean in for the embrace. At this point, I don’t feel like touching anybody. I stand there, as usual, not returning the hugs or the kisses. Standing awkwardly motionless in a moment of intense love and affection. I don’t want anybody to touch me. I pull out of our little “love-circle†as quickly as is appropriate, and migrate upstairs to my bedroom.
Finally, I can […]
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