General

I finally found someone to love–great guy.  He’s willing to be with me warts and all, and yet my depression, problems with work, anxiety and PTSD symptoms are so bad that I can’t imagine he’d stay with me in the long term.  We’ve been married for about a year and half.

My biggest struggle right now is work, but of course that’s affecting my new marriage in a huge way.

I suppose some would say I’m going through mid-life stuff, (I’m 42) but I’ve always struggled with work.  I’ve tried everything I can do with my degrees (English and MFA Creative Writing), but have not found a […]

I haven’t drawn in a while, so I apologize if the quality is a bit poor.

Basically, I’m looking for interpretations.  What you think is going on in the picture, what you think she’s going through.  It sometimes helps to assert interpretations into a relatively undefined work, it can tell you a bit about yourself and let you use your imagination as well.

So yeah, what do you believe happens? and why?

I think we either go to a spiritual realm or reincarnation. I have my own theory about reincarnation but i can’t explain it, it’s like explaining exactly how big the universe is.

And the spiritual realm, well, it just seems natural to me

I’ll start off by telling you the reasons i wanna die.

I’m a major emetophobe, i have major ocd (people trying to help me said i’m one of their worst case), paranoid, manic depression, anger issues, social anxiety. Mainly my phobia makes me wanna die. And the fact that everyone on this planet is brainwashed, trusting the government thinking they’ll protect us when really they got all our moves and words recorded so they can kill all the poor ones. And they even expect us to trust them when they have all these secret societies and groups that they swear don’t exist and when you get […]

i want to disappear and not exist

I’ve decided that I won’t be able to get better until I tell someone. I need to just tell someone that I’m thinking about suicide all the time. I need someone to be there for me and make sure I have no plans or dates chosen out. Of course that’s in perfect world where people actually care…..

If you need someone to talk to, I am more than willing to listen.

Fresh Cuts. Three. Across..not down..Want to die? No…not yet. Soon? Perhaps…I think of her..my love..see her pain,see her past..cant help..can’t fix..she smiles,yet sorrow holds her lips..she laughs,but cries underneath..”Are you Okay,hun?” “Yes..I’m fine.” No she isn’t…I don’t understand,she won’t let me..Hold back tears..can’t show weakness…Hang head..wait till she’s gone…Fresh cuts..Crimson Life..I worry..i’m scared..my love..somone help..

I have been in a really bad place for the last couple weeks and it was only getting worse. I have always had suicide in the back of my mind, but lately it has been coming to the front and yesterday I went and bought some stuff that I was going to use to do it. I have never gone that far before, and the dark empty feeling in my stomach was becoming unbearable. I didn’t want to ask for help, I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought my problems were insurmountable and I was better off dead.

So today I […]

Deeper than I thought,

More profound than I expected…

Does anyone else have a violent hatred for veins?

tonight, i know it’s not going to do much, but i’ll start taking the pills again. 10 melatonin, 6 almost hurt me too much last time. it’s to kill the pain, to feel only numbness. i don’t know what’ll happen, i don’t know if i’ll chicken, but i’m sorry to anyone that’s ever been hurt, to those who failed, and to those who succeeded in doing the impossible. i hope that those lives that i touched are forever touched and will live a bit longer, if not for anyone or yourselves, for me. if i do make it to morning, i’ll let you know and […]

Its been a year since my first suicide attempt. Nothing has changed. I took 100 sleeping pills. Ended up in the hospital for four days, than was sent to inpatient mental ward for another four days. I wish i could say things have gotten better but, nope. I am just building up my courage to not fail again. This time i will have a very well thought out plan. I am ready to go. I dont want to cause a big mess for everyone to clean up. I would just like to slip away.

This is going to sound a little crazy, but I just wanted to thank you guys for always being there for me. I wish I could say the same about my real-life friends! Leads me to think that only the good people in the world end up feeling this way.

Reach for your razor
Cut through the dawn
See through your inner wrath
Keys shan’t open the doors

Behold my heart has stopped
My lungs are laid the final rest
And still I see and do I feel
Yes, but to earthly eyes I am gone
To the land where legends never die
Take me to the twilight land tonight

Again and again and again in every night
The darkness climbs through my walls
Ever screaming silent to the corrupted ears

Never to any man I will spear
My speach it has no value
Eyes that have seen the sights

Okay so i wanna make my suicide look like an accident.

but the thing is, i’m a MAJOR emetophobe (phobia of puking/feeling sick)

And i wanna OD and make it look like an accident.

i have access to zopiclone, alimemazine and i MIGHT be able to get blood pressure pills that lower blood pressure

my questions is, how the fuck do people die accidentally? you hear it all the time on the news, how do they do it? and like eminem, did he even use alcohol when he overdosed? i wanna just take the pills and accidentally die, taht’s my goal

?

So, due to circumstances beyond my control, coupled with my misanthropy and general disdain – and, frankly, disillusionment – towards life, I have decided to grasp control by harnessing the only means that can ease this stifling futility: suicide.

The plan?

Go to the doctors, get medication for depression (which I have; also i know what to say to get it). If it is not pushing my luck, I’ll also try for sleeping pills.

Then, during Christmas break, I’ll take a train down south to England: somewhere near the coast.
Find a picturesque, snow laden beach, with the icy water’s fingers caressing the rocks, take the whole bottle, […]

How do you wanna die?

What are you gonna do? when? where? how? and why?

AND COULD SOMEONE SUICIDAL EMAIL ME WHO’S PLANNING ON OVERDOSING, I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO

MrSebastior @ gmail . com