General

I wake up every day and lie in bed not wanting to do the same thing again. I finally get up, eat, shower, and go to work wearing a fake smile. I hate my job, hate my life, hate people, but try to keep that fake smile on my face to hide the truth. I go home every night and drink myself to sleep, I can’t sleep any other way. Every time I try to make a change to this life something else happens to knock me back down. I know how I can sleep for good, I’m not afraid to die, but I wear […]

nothing means anything to me everything means nothing to me.

words and thoughts and everything is pointless. i’m alone and other people are just nothing more than reflections that i allow them to be in my own head, and the same is true for everyone whether they know, or admit it or not.

so after all that i’ve…messed, or should i say, ‘fucked’ up, in this life, even death doesn’t satisfy something. even death is a downer. life is bad, death is bad, everything is bad. and then suddenly everything is good.

i’m an animal, i see that so clearly now. i’m probably predictable but not by anyone […]

I made a mistake. I can’t change it and that eats away at me inside. I think (know) I’m a little bit crazy. Things bother me. Like my hair, I can’t stop pulling it. I stopped for a while when I cut it a few months back, but apparently it’s long enough again and I’ve caught myself doing it many times every day. Sounds bother me, and heat. I wanted to scream and just run out of my class because of the squeaking chairs and the unbearable heat and all of the people. Ahh it was horrible. Thinking about it makes me sick. Anyways, as […]

So I doubt many of you remember when I first got here, there’s only one of you who is still alive. Here’s a snippet of my story, like you actually care :P. As I’ve said before I’ve been depressed for a long time but it never really hit me until the 9th grade. That’s when I found SP. That’s when it sort of started. I had googled suicide for whatever reason and ended up here. It took a few months before I actually started an account. After that I started venting, searching for good methods, and cutting/burning. See the thing is that I sorta kept […]

I am a women am 27 years old.. My fiance was 2 hot and now his 2 cold..
Our relationship was amazing.. And we had amazing time 2gzer.. Even if we don’t do sex we talk about it.. If not when his beside me he was hugging me and kissing me.. Now he changed 2 much.. I know he loves me and when i say u don’t love and i wanna brock up he become crazy and he din’t want 2.. And when i tell him that he is 2 cold he say am so angry cz my work stoped and all the problems in […]

I really do think I marry Satan. My husband for 6 years give me nothing but heartaches and pains. He calls me names, any names you can think about. Horrible, horrible names. He blames me for everything that don’t go on his way. He blames me for anything bad happens in our house, in our life. I tried to fight him back but I am always a weakling, I always lost, I always get hurts. I think he is Satan disguise as a man. I want to run but I have nowhere to go and I couldn’t leave our 2 young kids with him. […]

This will be the one and only time I visit this site, or post anything. You may comment, obviously, but I will never see your replies. This site makes me too sad to visit again.

I had a friend commit suicide two years ago yesterday, October 12th, 2009. That is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, because it is so senseless to kill yourself. Especially at such a young age, he was only 25. I know life is rough. I have thought dying would be so much easier, yet I would never commit suicide. I am happy, I am in a committed relationship, and […]

I can’t plan my death i think the only way for me to have the courage to do it , would have to be spontaneous.

The plan, the waiting….. just gives me more time, just gives me more time to psych myself out.

I have to take my chances, that jumping in front of a train ,car, hanging myself from a tree

will end me. completely.

This is where and when I say 58 years, it wasn’t worth it.

it’s soon friday.. the last party ever! Iam now like taking stuff down from my walls and stuff so my mom wont have to do this. (of those of you that dont know, I really just planed the perfect suicide plan) I just cant take life anymore. Im tired of being derpessed and sad all the fucking time! so i though about saturday, but Im gonna stay at my friend house this weekend so i guess I gonna do it sunday. Wow, im really doing it. This actually feels a little like I no longer got worries, and I do everything I want. but its […]

I am old. Quite old. I need a help.
Please contact me Mocaw.W[at]gmail.com

how many of you grew up where they taught the Nazi war on life?  people suffered people went through horror. how many of you grew up hearing about god. one life creating other lives. if the horror of Nazi Germany in this made life our present day horrors. how many of you grew where Hinduism and Buddhism where taught. all things have life life passes throughout forever. a made life horror and the life continuing to pass forever. 10 years of digression will conquer your curiosity to the point of questioning existence. the possibility of the worst happening followed by the question of what that […]

You guys where absolutely right about my friends depression triggering my own. There was this feeling I would get where I would be okay with going home and killing myself. I got that feeling today, I havent felt this way since June. My friend is like a sponge, he just absorbs all the happiness out of me. For example today I was having a particularly slow day, it was only my second class of the day and it felt like the last (fourth, classes are 1 hour 45minutes.) and I was complaining about it when he came up to me and suck it up and […]

A drugged out zombie
with the chemicals
coursing through my veins

chemical smiles
and chemical laughs
the fears and pain
all chemical too

It may all be fake
but at least its not real

what are you gonna do if you have a week to switch body with a person who is the total opposite of you?