General

I’m miserable in this life but everytime I think of stepping in front of that train, it scares the crap out of me. I have nothing to live for, no friends and a handful of family that have had it with me. The way my life is, it should be easy for me to do it, but for some reason I keep holding on to life. I wish I had the conviction to just do it, I don’t know what it will take for me to end all this suffering.

When? As soon as possible.

Why? Because life is pointless. I’ve lived for almost nineteen years with nothing to show but suffering and there is no point to continue such misery if there is another option.

Where? Anywhere, really, depending on my chosen “how.”

What? Death.

I will save you the long sob story, and I will save you the trouble of responding to “help” me. I don’t want or need help, and you should not waste your time because it will not work.

I’m completely content and at peace with the decision to end my life but I will allow no failure; therefore, I am still searching for the […]

Ok so I’be been recording videos of myself with my webcam and itouch camera… They’re basically clarifications or reasons, any last words i have so my family will have SOMETHING of me remaining… Sound good?

I dislike this Kid!He mocks suicide and acts as if its just a thing.He said “I hate myself and nobody cares if I die.Suicide isn’t a option anymore.Im not good.I Hate This Place.”I asked him if he was ok and that id do anything to help him.His response “Oh that Haha I just wanted to see peoples reactions.I would never kill myself.Do I look like a loser?Haha only retards kill themselves”A Moment of Silence Please…….FUDGE YOU MAN!I saw past your “I’m to worthy”attitude and reached out to help you.All you could do is mock my dream.I will soon be a “Retard and Loser”.Such a […]

After all my hard work and research on the “perfect” suicide machine i thought i’d just post here a video of my favorite(gay)action hero.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGTDgBApWeI

Well in all honesty i always HATED Macgyver since he was such a “im blond, good looking and CIA” kind of guy. Anyway, heres the theme. I mean after all my work i think deserve to be called the Ethiopian Macgyver, dont you think?

Was beautiful one-am now 45.
Had potential.
Law degree- ivy undergrad, why did I stay in the law??
Never worked for me, too sensative-love history, I write, they say I have talent.
Can’t hold down a job, everyone loves me at first I can’t cope with the big firm law stress and then the cracks show. Husband and I separated, could not have children, endured terrible pain trying to have a baby. Now, just got word, my temp to perm position working as a law assistant is letting me go. I have nothing left, up here in this room at my parents. No job. No […]

I’ve been through lots of ups and downs in my lifetime, guess I’m here because I don’t know who to talk to or where to go but here’s my story…. I married my wife right after i got out of the hospital I was in a coma for about a week and after only knowing me for about 4 months she stuck with me while I was in the hospital even more than my parents. I fell in love even more after that. I really couldn’t see myself spending my life with anybody else then her. Let’s just say she was once one of those […]

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a relatively smart person. I’m likeable and decent looking. I’m very good at quite a lot of things. With a little hard work, I could have a “perfect” “successful” life. I have no logical reason to be so suicidal. I know that life can be hard, but I have good support. I have trust issues, but I’ve never been hurt too bad. I’ve had my heart broken, but I got over it. I have anxiety issues but the therapy and meds have it under control. I have a good life. But I just want to die. I […]

Oh this restlessness
And the anxious wait
the nervous anticipation
for something
something big
or anything at all
anything but this emptiness
this soul crushing nothingness
I could just implode
from the hollowness
this soul crushing nothingness

Am fed up. 

Life has absolutely no joy for me at the moment.

I’m a worry and a burden for my parents.

I just don’t want to be here.

Ashes in my soul

Demons all around

How can I find me now?

My self has gone to ground

I don’t want what they offer

But it would ease my pain

Why do I seek ending

Over and over again?

So, choices to be pondered

And decisions to be made

And loves and lives to reckon

Before I pull a fade

I promised to reach out

I promised not to go

But it’s a promise I can’t keep

For there are ashes in my soul

Just wanted to say.
I am alive but numb, not sure I know how to be human anymore.
Was promised a man, he came, he faked and he dumped me in the worst possible situation you could ever dump a woman.
It’s not that I want to die, it’s just I don’t want to live.
I want to go back to where I came from which isn’t planet earth.
Without a man there is very little I can do.
Don’t ask for much but all I get is requests for more of what I simply do not have.
The bottles empty lie with it.
I […]

Watching my life, like a slow motion disaster

This merry go round starts spinning faster and faster

And I can’t help but feel, like the walls are closing in

And my bright side has now gone dim

I’ve felt this way for so long,  but everyone says, I’ve got it wrong

Well, this disaster is epic in scale

And now I’ve set myself up to fail

Two steps forward, one hundred back

No strength in me left to attack

I swallow my pride and this mouthful of lies

I’d tell you the truth, […]

I tried to vent to my boss/friend,she just chewed me out too. Apparently everything I do is wrong and I’m such an awful human being. I’m so close to the end, I just have to get to the end of my mothers visit. But I’m at the point where every single moment is physically painful,ten times more when on around another person who obviously hates me. How do I survive until I die?

Different topic,but I’m typing on a Droid,so…. what does everyone think is on the other side? And if it is hell,then do you think its really any […]

I want to pray to god, to give me guidance and strength to continue on, and hope you would join me in my prayer.

I have written both the English and Finish guides because people have ASKED me to! Not because i ever wanted to. It has taken a mentall toll on me difficult to imagine.

Pray that i would somehow recovery from all this mental stress all of this HARD WORK has given me!

Still…thank you god for giving me this great knowledge, wich in the past was only reserved for the chosen and the wise.

But i payed a have price for writing those guides. Lord, give […]

My first post yahuuu!!

For quite some time now I’ve been thinking to die

I just don’t feel anything about anything, I just don’t feel human, no matter what I do, no matter whom I with, my life is like sleepwalking

nothing surprises me, I’ve got full control of my emotions, I can’t even raging about how I bored of life, actually I might’ve done killing spree if I hadn’t had control of my emotions

My friends and families expect a lot of me, and they said I have the abilities to carve a bright future

but even so I don’t feel like doing anything, frankly said, death piques my […]