General

I haven’t logged onto here in so long.

today my relationship ended after 2.5 years. I can’t stop crying and I feel so empty. He helped me start therapy and work on myself, but he wouldn’t work on himself at all. My heart is so broken right now and I don’t know where to turn. I have this thing nagging at me telling me that all of the effort I’ve put in was for nothing, and yet I feel so alone knowing I can’t call him up anymore. Some of the things said during the break up feel like they’re echoing in my head. I can’t […]

Bad day…hope it ends soon!

I cried 3 times already.

My soul is hurt. My body hurts. My heart is broken.

But I’m being strong and said nothing to no one.

May be a shower and cut my wrists will help…ha ha ha

I’m trapping myself in the cage of my mental
I’m the prisoner and I’m the guard at once

I was wondering if anyone else has truly given up on trying to find a lover/soulmate or whatever you wanna call it. Is that too much for you to accept? That you’ll be alone for your short lifespan. I know I’ve made peace with it and I’m only 23 years old. But I know where I stand in this. I now live for a different purpose than the one most suburbia people strive for. I don’t want to have that relationship anymore…..I never had one and I don’t care anymore. I’m not turning into an incel….I refuse to think that way. To become an incel […]

Do you believe in fate? Have you accepted yours?

I have not found another human that really understands me. What about you?

After my death nobody will know why, the reason the feelings my view my opinions, all that, I guess it’s good in a way. Nobody will understand who I am and how I feel, nobody will after my death.

the urge won’t last, the urge and thoughts won’t continue, I won’t be killing myself, or will I?

i don’t know when will be the time, I don’t know if I can even last another year. They don’t see it, they don’t and I need to recognize that nobody will ever do. INFP is the most idealistic personality and I fucking hate it, I hate holding hope and […]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6QH74zAi5Y

here is some music I made, I hope you like it. If not its no worries. Peace and Love be with you all.

It feels like I’ve been thrown into the waters of this big, deep, cold ocean and I have people watching me over from the sides, cheering me to learn to use my hands and legs and begin to swim somehow. And I struggle, drowning at times and every time I hit the rock bottom, just when a part of me heaves a sigh of relief that the battle to breathe is over, I’m pulled up but left, back in the ocean – for giving me another (which seems like endless) chance to try and swim and not sink.
The cheers are loud – everything they […]

the people are miss i met in delusions.
I’m in greed to kill me. it’s not worth that.
happiness seems like surreal accompany.
sick of food and drinks, even drugs and air.

I remember when I was happy, or at least content. I wonder now if that’s forever gone. But I plod on in bland obedience to meet life’s demands and expectations all the same. It’s as though some never-ending grocery shopping list..  Just items someone else has scribbled down, and I read and retrieve without investment nor ceremony.. Very mechanical, making the choices in response to what’s written there to select.. Completing the task of grabbing the carrots, and now on to the cereal isle..

Tonight I stayed sober cause work in the morning, and am grateful for work. It’s one thing to stay accountable for. And […]

I’ve seen what’s happening in China since coronavirus outbreak. So many deaths, suffering of all kind, violence against Chinese citizens, people dying and families cant say goodbye, people being sealed inside their buildings to wait to die, crematoriums working aroind the clock, it’s terrible. No hope in a near future. May be all of us will die infected by this virus or infected by globalization because Economy will be broken worldwide if China break down as we all depend hugely from Chinese products, specially pharmaceuticals. (It means there wont be drugs to kill yourself if China stops)

I have seen videos every day since the coronavirus […]

Am I in an abusive relationship or is it just me? I don’t know anything anymore. My dissociation has me so far out of it if I wasn’t smarter I’d swear everything is fake. That I’m not actually here. That what I see as life isn’t real. Idk. Part of me hopes it’s just me but idk. All I know for sure is that I’m becoming more and more suicidal again.

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I’m tired of this life, I’m not satisfied with the way things are and look right now, I wonder if they will change or if I’ll be able to change them.

Sometimes, after a single tear dries, a stain is left to mark its place. A constant and forever reminder of what was lost.
Ive had that tear. I am that stain.
Each and every night tears fall like small stars. They weave themseves through the fabrics of time, each day to the next, allowing me to pass into the next day without passing into the next life.
Sometimes i wish i could just close my eyes, even if for a moment; to reopen them again in some far distant galaxy, far from everything that has brought me here.
I have always wondered; What comes next, […]

Has anyone seen or heard from them? They’ve been quiet a while