General

i used to look around me and see people i loved. people that mattered to me.

people that made me the better version of myself.

people that i proudly called my friends.

now i look around me and all i see is people that make me miserable and cold.
people whose ‘friendship’ with me is based purely around mocking me.

these people arent my friends. they use me in any way they can, and when they dont need me, im shunned to the back.

they dont treat me the same as they do any of there other friends. it seems i dont deserve the respect.

but i do.

iv’e recently learned that […]

I’m wishing this day were over, but I’m hoping tomorrow never comes….

HI I AM TAMANA I DONOT UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING WITH ME?
I CHOOSED ONE PATH FOR MY LIFE SUCCESS BUT TODAY I FEEL I AM NOTHING

I haven’t had anyone to talk to at all. I feel like hanging myself but I can’t. I’ll probably try to overdose later. But ideally I wish I had a gun.

Hello, the title says all.

I tried the Helium hood method. I thought I had planned it carefully enough. I put the bag over my forehead and opened the gas valve of the helium bottle. There was a regular, quick flow. Then, I removed all the air in my lungs and put the bag over my head. I didn’t pass out, even after three minutes. Could it be because I was breathing Ballonium instead of Helium ? Where can one be sure to find PURE helium ? Where can it be bought ?

It reads “Helium” on the bottle, so it cannot possibly be a mix of […]

I’m so pathetic. I really wish I had the guts to go, but I don’t. I have everything I need for any method I wanted because of all of the ridiculous plans I’ve made that I could never go through with. Well, I mean, I have everything I need but courage. Unfortunately, that’s the most important thing to have…

I don’t know if I’ve said this here yet, because I’ve written so many posts and so few say anything about me, but I think I might suffer from a minor form of social anxiety. Today I was at a gathering for my graduating class before college […]

rivers of blood flow today after all those who disfigured enough to flood our ground. the death toll rose in months to the point of decay
covering the earth. cemeteries over capacitated and lands were turned into body grounds. amongst the death and rot was disease.
the flesh that once had a sight and smell of freshness now clutter the ground diseased scared disfigurement was the new vice of the depressed
depression the mind disease that spread like a virus. bloody lakes and oceans fill the world conquering the land. mutants grow under disguise
as the flooders re inhabit and spawn a new masochistic generation. […]

Hi is anyone here around los Angeles?
I need someone that I can talk to who feels the same way
That I do… Suicidal.
Thanx

I have it all planned now.  Only a lack of braveness or a failure with my overdose will save me.

I’ve spent the best part of 10 years fading in and out of depression, dipping into the thoughts of suicide, even attempting twice.  Both times unnoticed by the outside world, although both times fucking my already fucked up body somewhat more.

But this is it.  Twice the antidote this time and a plan B.  I do not want to survive again.  I will not survive again.

But the date of destroyal is a few weeks ago.  People need to get to places first.  Doses need to arrive.

So I […]

I was in a really bad place last night, just freaking out and over whelmed.  i tried to call friends, and nobody answered.  I tried to call the suicide hotline and was on hold too long.  I tried to distract myself and failed.  I ended up cutting a lot.  Now I’m covered with cuts, I probably should have gotten stitches on one of them, but I didn’t.  I can’t wear long sleeves at work, and I work all weekend.  I’m trying so hard to keep people at work from finding out, and maintain a “normal” facade.  I think I’m probably failing on all accounts.  Really […]

so i decided to cast a spell. each day for a month i put my focus into building my death. i was over life on earth, it hurt too much. love seemed missing, everyone was feeding off everyone else and society was mad. about a week in and i found myself booking a flight, a month later and it was christmas, and i was in new zealand. the spell was supposed to go like this: i would be swimming in a warm sea, surrounded by dolphins with a warm sun shining. i’d then dive down and at the deepest i could swim, take a breath.

ive realized recently that i most likely have an anxiety disorder and depression. when i think about anything changing in my life i get this panic in my chest. it makes me feel physicly ill. when i wake up for school this dread washes over me. i dont know why i love school i get to see my friends and i get to do things that i enjoy. but every morning i get this terrible feeling in my stomach and i usually feel like im going to puke. its not like i get bulllied at school i have a pretty good school life. but the […]

My parents are kicking me out of my house. I’m eighteen and about to start college next week. They said that I can stay here until September, to find a new place to live.

What did I do to make them so mad?

I stayed out all night without letting them know where I was. But, I promised my friend that I wouldn’t leave his side. He called me and needed me to be there so I left. I held him while he cried and told me how much he wanted to die. I rocked him to sleep, safe in my arms.

So, screw my parents. It was […]

A lifetime of Fear and loathing… Self Rejection, Low Self Esteem, not knowing how to deal with hurt emotions nobody could understand cause everyone else was as heartless and shallow as I was… I am coming to a fork in the road of my life… i post on here to experience my emotions… something I was not taught by my dad… one thing my dad wasnt was a emotionally mature Man… my dad would beat me with jump ropes, fists, bang my head against the wall… verbally, mentally and physically abused… then tell me to stop crying or he would give me something to cry […]

I want God to kill me.  I want to be struck by lightning or hit by a car or something.  Nothing ever gets better.  I like to pretend one day a pretty new girl will show up at school and maybe she’d like me and we could become friends and then eventually she might want to be my girlfriend, but that won’t happen.  There will never be anybody out there for me.  I’m gonna die the way I lived, alone.  My family and I have never gotten along and my friends seem like they don’t like me, they just hang around me because it would […]

So, here’s my tale of woe. I’m 40 and everyone in my family is dead. I have Asperger’s syndrome, which makes it almost impossible for me to interact with others or form anything like a close, meaningful relationship. My life seems so empty and pointless—one struggle after another with no break and no reward. I’m not really sad or hurting anymore (now I’m mostly numb) but I am so very tired!

I want the sleep that Hamlet craves:

 
“To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a […]

Well yesterday was an horrible day. It was the day i found out my best friend died and i wore all black for him. Got sent to guidence where they knew i was going to commit suicide and they knew my plan. Send my mom to the office telling them everything. Offer calling the criss center and now i had a criss person in my home trying to help me :L. Now its today im stuck at home cause i didnt want to go to school and i sitting here thinking is it worth all the trouble to save my life. I just found out […]