General

Thank you… Thank you for telling me what i did wrong. Now i know what i can kill myself about over the next two days while thinking of a way of making it up to you. I’ll keep your word when you said Good Bye. And sorry to argue, but no, it wasn’t a lie, every word i said was true. And you can trust me. Yes, I am still dieing of your exact words “bye daniel.” I love you and I always will, but now its my turn to say, you know where to find me. Even if you forgive me, I can never […]

Trust…

Do we have that?
Do you trust me?
Do you BELIEVE me?

I cry and soon after realize that well.. It’s my fault.  My ex’s were right.  I am a screw up.  I deserve to be put in my place.  Every time they put their hands on me and left a mark to remember each time… I deserved it.  Every cut of mine is a memory.  Every scar of mine is another fucking memory.  I understand I’m not pretty.  I understand that my body is just… Horrific.  My mouth should be kept shut… My hands kept to myself.  I shouldn’t speak when you speak.  I shouldn’t […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUkHkyy4uqw&feature=player_detailpage

I was suicidal years ago..and thought it was gone for good.  I’m 3oish  now and it has returned.  I have found that I can not be Independent.  When faced with making friends,  I must be  too self infatuated to make any.  Isolation has destroyed me.  It has beaten me, I put in such a good fight and sustained my body and mind for so long…or have I.  I smoked so much weed during the time I felt I wasn’t depressed…just vegged out and played video games.  These addictions only covered it.  I must have been depressed this whole time.  I just found a way to […]

My depression is turning to anger pretty fucking quick.  My parents weren’t home last Friday night, so I spent my time screaming and lashing my arms with my belt.  School is almost out for the summer, and I’ve just been hoping someone would fuck with with me so I could just beat the shit out of them.  I just want to punch them, strangle them, and beat them within an inch of their life.  Depression is getting boring, so this is some sort of relief.

I’m a piece of shit freak and nothing but that, so why get depressed and cry like a pathetic little bastard. […]

Its hard to endure anymore disappointment, just want to sleep and never wake up but there are people who will suffer. Pain will be had by too many. Can not cope but how can I leave her. How selfish must I be to consider the end. The end for me is the answer but how can I make her suffer. She has a life to live hopes and dreams and keeping a brave face is too hard. Hard to pretend your happy when you don’t want to wake up. Its too difficult to stay but harder to ruin someone else.

Remember the movie Forest Gump? I used to watch it all the time when I was little.

I remember the part when Jenny was going through her drug stage and she climbed on top of the ledge of the skyscraper and thought about jumping off.

I remember climbing on top of the tv when that scene came on and jumping off of it into the bed.

I didn’t know back then that Jenny was contemplating suicide, I thought she wanted to go skydiving or something. But it felt good jumping off of the tv onto the bed when I did it. It made me crave for higher ledges […]

As i sat outside after hearin her tell me she loves me it all felt right… then i come back in to hear her on the phone wit another guy and all she does is laugh and giggle and said she cant w8 to go to the park with him and that she loves him :/ she says he is just a friend… but thats wat the last two said and not even a week later they up and left me for them >< and idk if i cant take that pain again.. im thinkin i should just end my life before it happens and […]

why do movies always have perfect endings? Why must they always give false hope that the person watching will have that fairy tale moment? Why must they make someone think that mabye this or that will happen if I do this or dont do this?

With the help of bio-oil, and foundation. I just stood in the hall, in the light, talking to my mother, in a tank top. My upper arms clearly visable.

I’m loving bio-oil.

I leave my past,

In hopes for a new future,

I leave my heart last,

For you to torture,

My cuts mend,

The scars anew,

Tears and blood blend,

If only you knew…

You lied to me

was any of it true?

It’s pretty sad that I miss you…

I wish those feelings never happened,

I wish I could take it all back…

These feelings hurt

The cause of the pain you ask?

You are,

Don’t look so innocent

I know what happened with her

“I’m sorry for everything”

“I’m sorry.”

That’s all you say

That’s all you cry

Just stop and think

that maybe, just maybe

You say lies.

My brothers uncle has visited from the states. The fold out couch is in the room directly next to mine. Usually I’d have my door closed and everything, but this time. I’m keeping it open. :3 Little steps.

Everything is slowly leaving. My friend is graduating early and this is the last time i would ever see him. I have mood swings which i really hate. First im like okay im doing fine next thing i know im staring at the ground depress. I have a problem even i cant fix on my own. I feel discomfort and scary. I still have a headache and dizziness. I cant take pain killers cause i would like take five maybe seven of them. I know its bad for you but i cant help that. Thats why i stay away from them. I hate food. It […]

well im 16 my name is amber ive been very suicidal since i was 11 and i watch my litttle brother die and i have nothing to live for but i cnt now because i just found out im preg fuckkkk i dnt know the first damn thing about takin care of a baby i dont know what im going to do. god i hate life.

To her classmates; She is a quiet girl.. who doesn’t talk that much. To her friends; She is a funny, outgoing girl.. that always makes them laugh. To her best friend; She is a crazy, fun girl.. that’s always there for her. To her boyfriend; She is an amazing girl.. that he loves more than anything. And to herself; She’s completely worthless..

Living Life
Is just so hard
All I have to do is pull the trigger
And leave a card

Why am I still here?
Nobody knows
Why am I staying?
I really want to go

But I don’t wand to dissapoint
My family and friends
So I’ll try to hold strong
And let my life naturally end