General

im lost everythings seems already dead to me. ive been depressed since 14 but now its getting unbearable.

HAPPY ST.PATTY’S DAY!!!!!!!!!=-D Well ive been tired of faking the smile in school and noooooooooow my homeroom teacher keeps asking whats wrong because apparently ive been “depressed” and nooooooooooow she’s gonna hand in a note to the guidance councelor stateing how unhappy ive been lately.Im too lazy to tell her that “nothing’s wrong” and that im just too tired to talk but watever so tomorrow if the guidance councelor wants to talk she’s gonna have to call a meeting during school hours because there’s noway in hell im gonna have a meeting with her after school.Especially if my grandma is picking me up (and she […]

I’m not living, I’m merely existing. And merely existing is so mundane and lonely that I don’t know how many more years of existing I can take.

Can any one tell me if a 9l tank of ******** will do the job? I’m thinking of getting 2 tanks just incase but 9l is the largest i can find to buy.

I not know where to start but this strange feeling is not going away. I feel some thing big is about to happen in my world. I get very strong feeling “its time to quit this painful life” . This life is mystery which i have failed to understand and purpose of this life have finished for me. I have realized the more i breathe the more pain and suffering i take. Any thing multiply by zero is big zero and that is reality ! This world is full of lies and i am sick and tired of this unjust world. Evil people have turned […]

if having suicidal thoughts is so common does that make me normal?

every week or so there will be times where i feel i don’t belong here or the wish that i could just disappear.

my mental state is so flawed, it’s partly dysfunctional. I don’t think I would be of much use to society because I have the fail in everything I do. Being of no use would mean that I am a waste of space, food, money. Another person should have the resource I have. Earth is getting too crowded and polluted and I’m just wasting so many people’s time and energy.

I’m defeated
powerless against it
so weak and defenseless
how can emptiness
such nothingness
be so heavy
weighing down on me
crushing everything within me
suffocating
leaving me helpless and hopeless
and desperate for anything
or nothing at all
just an ending
the comfort of dying

Its been a while since my last post. My life turned around for the good and I came back fighting. But now I’m here and I don’t understand. I’m 18 now, a senior in high school. I have what I want to some degree. A good job, good friends, and the love of my life. But maybe its stupid and maybe its just a minor thing but it throws me out of wack. My absences from school have become alot. I guess maybe its a senior thing but I just can’t stand being treated like a child and doing work I know is bullshit. But […]

The WORLD WILL NOT COME TO AN END IN 2012!! Please stop being so stupid if you actually think the world will end.

A cycle of the Mayan calendar will complete in 2012 (some say). And some nit-wits think that the ending of this cycle means the world will come to an end. These nit-wits are only out to capitalize on you and me.

Google “Doomsday predictions” or something and you will see many predictions in recent memory of the world coming to an end. One I remember was 1/1/2000 (the y2k bug). They are all based on stupidity.

I get that we have ice caps melting […]

everyday i wait till the end

at night i hope it never will.

every weekend is just bonding time with my bed and sometimes the supermarket

and school is simply hell.

sometimes i go home,

im happy there

sometimes.

wheres the shortcut?

how do i get out of this maze and to the pot of golden happiness at the end.

how do i skip to where my life becomes awesome,

and most importantly, how do i get through tomorow

Everyone dies — how nice that sounds.

i’m pretty pissed off right now, my sister just call me a fat ***** ( i just lost 25 kilos and still have 10 more to go, so i’m very sensitive about that right now i feel i cant to it anymore i want to give up on losing more)  i have just moved out of home and i come back for a night and she still treats me like i’m a pieace of shit i hate it, she will never know how much i hate her and one day i will be gone and she will think what happen i have toled her once.. she make me feel sad and angry but she dosent […]

i gambled everything i had today.

i am driving out to the highest overpass in my city and jumping off tonight after i post this. i am putting in enough gas to just get there so i am not tempted to drive back and i am not taking any money.

i have been coming here a long time and reading.  i read about how other people feel about suicide and how they talk about it. i compare my own feelings to see if they are real.

i know what you all are feeling. i know the hollow pain inside of your middle that beats like a poisonous pulse, […]

I live in a small town, less than 1400 people.  I have no girlfriend and there aren’t many (about three) girls at school who might consider me out of sheer pity, but they all have boyfriends.  But if they didn’t why would they want me anyway.  They are all pretty and I am a pathetic ugly little monster.  I have no opportunity to make things better.  I guess I have to wait 2 1/2 more years until college, but things would be uncertain there too.  I doubt I’ll even have the strength to continue that long.  I’ve been waiting for happiness since I was born, […]