General

So I was really not thinking straight last semester. I partied way too much, had the time of my life admittedly but now I am in no worse place. I did not think about money much atall and then it all hit me just over Christmas along with some other stressful circumstances. I began worrying way to much and thinking I couldnt cope and could see no way out. I got myself ridiculously worked up about things that look tiny now and ended up just not being able to do much atall. I phoned my mum most days explaining how I couldnt cope and didnt […]

I haven’t been on this site in a while but the feeling i used to feel is coming back…please everyone just e-mail me i wanna hear your stories i wanna help you i want you all to know i know exactly how you all feel and the feeling is soooo bad to feel especially feeling alone so ur not cause im here e-mail me at mkafan12@yahoo.com

why do i randomly feel like i want to kill myself?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8HaKOfXTJU

http://archive.ashspace.org/ashbusstop.org/lta_calc.html

Please leave me alone. Don’t ask me to listen anymore. Leave me alone. Stop talking! Go to Hell! Burn me up! Stab me in the heart! Choke me! You did it last time dammit! Fag! ******! *****! Die you depressive little emo!!!

I am not alright. It’s that time again. Papa. Papa, I miss you. I want to be with you. Papa. Why did no one tell me how you died? I don’t know anymore. I just want to be with you. Papa. I love you. I am willing to die. You left me. GODDAMMIT YOU FUCKING LEFT ME!!!! I will never ever forgive you […]

I have family who love me.but my dad died when I was 2.
No one cares about me.
My grandpa is dying.
My mom may die.
I’m hated.
I’m ugly.
I feel fat so I dont eat but one meal a day.
I’m bisexual.
I lose everyone I cared about.(few people)
I have like no friends.
I cut.
I hate myself.
my mom thinks I’m nothing.
My mom blames me for being born and wasting her money.
I’m stepfather hates me.
I will get disowned if I come out to my mom.
And lastly…I want to freaking die!
oh….and the girl I love….is with some […]

Sometimes I feel lost. I am a college student suffering from schizoaffective disorder with bipolar features. I hear and see things that aren’t really there. I still hold a grip on reality, though sometimes very loose. My disorder has kept me out of college for a year and a half. I watch my friends accelerate with their lives and I’m stuck. I lost quite a few friends when my disorder started to manifest. I tried to reach out to them but they abondoned me and cast me aside. I only have a few friends that stuck with me. I feel so alone. It’s hard for people to understand my illness. Over […]

My son proposed to his girlfriend tonight, and she said yes.
The wedding will be sometime next summer. I’m happy for them, they’ve been dating for almost 5 years, since they were 15 and 16.

It’s just kind of strange. That wedding is one of the last links keeping me here.
It’s too soon… I don’t want to die.
But at the same time… its not soon enough, I don’t want to live.

I can feel the links breaking, one at a time.
My dad was my hero …8/29/08
My mom, I’m glad she’s gone…7/19/09
My dog was like my baby … 8/9/10
It’s just a matter […]

can someone help me?I umm….I just accepted that I’m bi.I told few people.about half accept me.but I know my family wont.all I want at this point is to end it.end everything.end me.please.someone.help?

can anyone forgive me

for saying that about life sucks thin u die

Depression is a state of mind, despair, an opinion. I have never understood my depression and do not understand the despair; I know however that depression becomes a habit, despair, it’s conclusion and suicide, or, at least the thought of it, a relief.

There are moments, too many and now too frequent, when I allow myself to fantasise about the releif of death, a few moments of pain and then sweet, comforting oblivion. It’s so attractive, to think that one no longer has to go through the same pain, day in and day out, not to wake to terror, not to live with my punitive […]

Things arent what they used to be

landscapes once so filled with light

only greyness left, everywhere

What happened to that flame?

How cold is the sun?

I have sold my soul

It remains in coldness and confusion

feeding off the light of the ones still shining

This demon existence…

My fate, and i knew it

There is no turning back

My heart is filled with black

Like a leak irreparable

The darkness swarms in

extinguishing all the light that was left…

Misere! Oh, misere!

Sing me a song of mercy!

And release me from my suffering

Oh devil I will do anything

I am noone

everyone always says that its better to die with a lived life than go through life without emotion and feeling.did anyone ever tell them how much it hurts to go through life with emotion and feeling?Its easier to just block out that emotion and numb the pain. i bet those people were ever beaten by a trusted adult or molested by an uncle. i bet those people’s boyfriend didnt die,and i bet that their really good friend didnt kill themselves.I bet they dont wake up every morning unable to feel – unable to express how they are really feeeling.Just and empty hollow person with pain […]

doctor who
i dont think this worked but im posting it anyway! 🙂

Ive never been bullied…EVER(ayone who misunderstood my last post)Anyway…I don’t like when my mom’s mad not for the reason anyone’s thinking.Whenever my mom is mad i feel all her negative energy everywhere and that get’s me really depressed especially because when my mom is mad she starts  talking  shit about everyone wich gets me depressed to because i don’t like when people do that.My mom goes over the top she just has to be a ***** on porpuse wich causes a volcano to erupt in my house and the sparks are flying not to mention plates and other objects they broke a shelf while they […]

So… I’m on four medications.

Celexa, Seroquel, Topomax and Tradozone.

Those are for depression, anxiety, psychosis, and migraines/mood stabilizer.

(Psychosis is having hallucinations/voices but not being able to establish them from reality, or not. Or so I’m told by my psychiatrist.)

Today, I feel my meds aren’t working. At all.

I feel depressed, suicidal, I’m seeing spiders, the man I usually see, and bloody needles everywhere, etc.

I also have urges to cut, drink, smoke, etc…

I…

My mother wants to send me back to the hospital.

But to residential. That’s “long-term”. I’d stay […]