General

I have goals, I have people, I’m about to graduate from college with good grades and then I’ll launch off into a career that could be rewarding.  But I don’t do these things except for some vague idea of the future and in order to survive. I don’t cry often, I don’t despair.  I’m apathetic toward nearly everything and I don’t think I can ever be happy because people out there don’t enjoy me or relate to me at all.  They don’t share any of my interests, they’re never really looking forward to seeing me.  They won’t come out of nowhere to say “hello” and […]

cliche story of a failed athlete who got hurt one too many times and now feels hopeless. i  internalize everything. i feel sad all the time, if not sad than angry. worse yet i work all the time and keep up a front like everything is fine. i feel like crying inside. i don’t think i deserve this. im a good person. i work hard. im a special ed teacher and try my absolute hardest to help people with disabilities. Ive lost my faith, become very reclusive. and im pessimistic about everything. i thought about killing myself with a gun. dont want the mess. don’t […]

i still haven’t gotten over what she did, and i don’t even know what to do. about 45 minutes ago i had a total breakdown. not a depressive one, i can’t describe the emotion, it was like an EXTREME adrenaline rush, i felt EXTREMELY euphoric but in the back of my head was the lingering depression that has been around with me for about 7 months. i CANNOT take this anymore and i DO NOT want to take the medication (risperdal) because it just makes me an emotionless, bored zombie…

i just want to fucking kill myself…

i dont know whats wrong with me.

im a 17 year old girl. actually i never thought or planned on living this long. i never wanted to see a day past 16.

 ive never really had anything traumatic happen in my life. well my father abused me until around 4yrs, but my mother finally left him.

that may be one problem. i constantly need male attention. i never had a real solid dad. only sketchy stepdads. and now i find whenever i have a guys attention, i hold on to it. and i feed off of every second of it. i love feeling wanted and almost needed. i think […]

i hate my life, it seems from the moment i was born everything’s just gone wrong for me. i have no friends, never had a girlfriend and don’t get along with my family very well. the reason for all of this is because i have some sort of social phobia that makes me scared to be around other people and because of this people tend to think i’m weird (or in some cases retarded) and they just don’t wanna be around me either. i’ve been trying to get help with this for years but unfortunately no doctor can tell me what the exact nature of the […]

Really, overdosing is a horrible way to hurt yourself or kill yourself, who in their last moments wants to taste pills? Although, I made a new record of oding twice in one week, mind you…Cipralex sucks.

yeah i’m troubled but i get by somehow..i find that writing thoughts down in some kinda poem form really takes my pains away..i suggest you try it..our minds are beautiful..i poured my mind body and soul into this city and it sucked my bones clean..worn through i still manage to rear my ugly head each fuckin day..wtf..i find my meds realy help too i take saphris 10mg 2x and klonopin 2mg..it lifts so much weight off my shoulders.peace to all your weary souls . stay up

Just something i wrote during class today,after being yelled at for being a distraction. Just thought id share it with all of you.

im hurtling through life now
full of frendized energy
laughing, dancing, singing and
jittery; my leg wont stop moving.
creative and foucused.
my ambitions are too large.
i love the world, and for once it loves me back.
yet its so wierd to be up high
staring down at those below
having no idea you were insulting
crude or
mean, till someone tells
you so.
then i fall through my cloud of
love and brightness.
and smash into
the rocky spines of
sadness […]

If you could want to help, then say a lot of shit to me…
Maybe, i can leave this life with more pain…

but who care?
you could be one that says something good or something to save me…
this points no one accept me even i got right or wrong choices

i really tired for making people understanting my sitation.
i have no real friend (include mother and father), that i can talk directly. and there isn’t someone turk in this website.

I’m interested and want continue to talk with you,
since I’ve noticed that you don’t feel like typing up your email address again,
so here is mine: nikiwonoto@gmail.com (you can also add me on Facebook, same email).

Just email and say hi i’m fireflies or something like that, and I will start writing to you.
Thank you.

It’s getting too difficult.

It’s getting harder and harder to hide the scar.

It’s big and pink and purple and is just trying to get noticed.

But if someone sees it, then everyone will know.

All the secrets that the scar holds will be released, out on the open.

Then the gossip will start.

I may have survived suicide, but the gossip will cut deeper than the scars.

It will cut me apart.

I want to kill myself but I don’t have the guts. Or maybe the fact that I’m going away to college in the Summer is forcing me to keep on living. My parents are killing me. I’m anorexic and every single therapist I’ve had has come down to believe that my parents pushed me into this. Not intentionally.

I’m not allowed to cry or get angry, or shout or express frustration. Which means I keep it all pent up inside and I never let it out. The only way I can express my emotions is by starving or cutting. But I can’t live like this forever […]

Hello all my fellow truth-seers and truth-seekers.

I think it’s going to be soon.  I’m no troubled teen.  Not anymore, I once was.  I was abused as a child.  I have no family that I currently speak to.  No help at all in the middle of this great recession.  I have a shitty job that I’m trapped in.  After an entire childhood of feeling trapped I don’t want to feel trapped anymore.  No friends really.  People don’t want to connect with someone who’s been traumatized.   Too ‘scary’.  Too real.  All I’ve ever been is thrown away by anyone I ever cared about.

I want to make an […]

I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, for every dark night there’s a brighter day after that.

“Hatred does not cease through hatred.
Hatred ceases through love.”

It’s true only if in an Utopian environment, where people are reasonable.
However wrong in this material world of snatching.
Everything the girl is going to say in the following video is right, except that.

Hatred by people seeing you as a piece of shit.
Then you are always the shit.
Especially when you are to die silently in your own thought of love forfeiting a fight just could prove them right.

You have to show them the hatred like shit is ejecting from them.
Let them see their real self, prove to them, lay out to them […]

I am unfamiliar with this site & I would like to post a story about my friend who committed suicide on The Suicide Project in order to both find support in this difficult time as well as to inspire others, if anyone could please help me learn to use this site I would be very grateful, thank you

It seem that my parents are partially to blame for the black hole the resides inside me. They say they want to best for me, but that includes me not getting to do anything….ever like the time I asked to go to the mall I asked mom and she said ask dad. You know what dad said???? BULLSHIT! Why he said this??? I have no earthly idea. They think its ok for me to just sit here doing nothing while the world goes by. When mom is working, dad is hunting, and little brother is with his friend and being 16 I should have a […]