Now I want to kill myself for the simple fact that I’m sick to death of every person on earth saying I’m bat shit crazy and fucked up in the head because I want love in my life!!!! Everyone since I was a kid has said that it’s wrong for me to think about love or want love!! Now I get called bat shit crazy and am said to not know what love is or be capable of loving anyone!!! I am going to fucking kill myself this year so everyone can shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!
I have a lot of things that run through my mind. Things I can not explain. My dreams haunt me. My goals are just false hopes. My life is a mess. I hate my life even though, I know others have it worse. This makes me feel guilty. The guilt I have always lived with. The hate as well. I find no point in life. I want to die. I say I’m not scared but I’m scared shitless. I don’t want to go but I do. I’m scared cause after death there is nothing. […]
So here I am, an eighteen year old boy on a website designed for sad teenage girls and I’m expected to talk about the “perks” of being me? Okay fine if it will keep her happy and I’ll be able to come out more often then FINE I’ll write! Hm some perks? Well, I had a milkshake last night so that’s cool or whatever. Man I don’t think I can sit here and pretend there are perks to being myself. I can’t even be myself! I’m 18 and a boy and I’m trapped in a woman’s body, let me tell you going to the bathroom […]
First time posting I’m really just looking for places I can get advice without being judged. Yes I am new so just bare with me as I try to explain my story.
It all all started when I was little, I was told I had really bad behaviour problems this was around the age of 5-12 years old. My parents have told me the only way they could make me behave was to slap me, or to punch me just any means they thought was appropriate, I had therapy when I was really young because I used to hit myself, I never mixed with other kids […]
I’ve always wanted to submerge myself into something that would help numb these feelings,
I’ve always wanted to experience that complete lostness you see in someone deep into their work,
I’ve always envied that.
I’ve tried to lose myself in alcohol,
but these feelings make is seem as if I’m drinking poison.
I’ve tried to lose myself in drugs,
but these feelings make the strongest “uppers” into downers.
I knew these weren’t positive things to lose myself in,
but I didn’t care,
I was so desperate.
I’ve always wanted to be a great writer,
I wanted to paint beautiful scenes with my words,
but creativity […]
I’ve been thinking seriously about suicide for the past three months… seriously being, thinking of ways to kill myself, with finality, I’ve been considering suicide for the past… two years? Nothing has really changed, but there seems to be a general discontent with my being alive, from my family. I’ve attempted suicide, several times… I took a key from my key ring, and sawed through my wrist, for over an hour… in several spots… this was my first real attempt, and the pain pretty much set me off… for two years, this attempt, is when I started looking at suicide as an answer… as salvation. […]
Never used a website like this before but I feel like it’s the only way I can express myself without people worrying and thinking I’m crazy. I just feel so hopeless and worthless all the time. My bestfriend committed suicide in September 2009 at age 13 and in December 2014 my friend from school also committed suicide at age 15. I have attempted suicide twice, both by overdosing but failed both times. There was a time I loaded a gun and put it to my head but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I’m only 17 years old but I really just don’t feel like I […]
Well, its come to my attention that there is a ton of misconception about DID especially on the internet!
If any of you have any interest in speaking to someone suffering from the disorder I encorage you to feel free to comment here, follow me on Tumblr (http://alltheperksofbeingus.tumblr.com/) or i have a KIK (theperksofbeingus) which of course is more personal! I really look forward to hearing from anyone, if I can educate just one person I feel as if I’ll be making a difference!
I’ve never been to any forums like this, so forgive me if I make a mistake. Here’s the problem. I don’t want to exist anymore. There’s so many things that are wrong in my life. First of all, I hate myself for this, I am bisexual. Now this may seem fine, but in the place I was raised up in. Gays and bisexual people were hated. I haven’t told my family because I’m too scared but a few of my friends know and they took it in really well. I have one really good friend that knows about my problems, he’s been supporting me a […]
My name is Kaitlyn and I am currently 17 years old.
I’ve never written about my suicide story before so bear with me.
The cutting and suicidal thoughts all started in 8th grade when I found out that my mom was an alcoholic. I blamed myself and thought that everything was my fault. Since she was going through pain, I deserved it too. I would cut myself just deep enough to leave a mark. (Those cuts later got to the point where I was scared that I would need stitches.) I went through all of 8th and 9th grade, keeping everything inside and not talking to anyone. […]
Before you convince yourself that now is the time to leave this world and enter a whole new dimension of an unknown abyss, ask yourself these questions. (and feel free to answer them yourself in the comments):
What makes it so hard for you to stay?
What do you view suicide as?
How would you commit suicide?
On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.)
Why would those people miss you so much?
What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?
What are some […]
It seems like forever since I’ve been on this website, and I pity myself for needing to come back, for needing to vent about something that never leaves, the follows me as close as my own shadow.
This feeling, this dreaded feeling is back, and as I try, day by day, to push it to the back of my mind, all it does is grow, feeding off my happiness.
I’m upset, so upset that it seems that all is going well, yet this feeling won’t allow me to feel joy, to feel anything besides remorse. I want to be the one who is always smiling, […]
I just need someone who understands the struggle we go through. I’m ready to exit and have my plan just figuring out when to execute it. Getting my affairs in order. Anyone in my region, Midwest US, that might care to talk about things?
It’s always late at night that i realize how lonely i am, It’s always at those moments when I want to talk to someone and tell them all about my problems and ask for advice that I realize that i’m alone, really alone. I mean i have what you can call “Friends” they’re amazing i love them and whenever i’m with them i’m always having a good time…But i’m not with them all the time and those times i always past them over thinking. About Love Life Sex Alcohol Depression Death-Lot’s of death.
I reach this spot where i can’t hold it in i want to […]
What did I do to deserve this life?
Im so sorry
I just want it to end
I don’t want to feel
I don’t want to think
I just want to be free
Is that honestly to much to ask?
After years of depression, suicidal thoughts and a failed attempt I think it’s finally time.
First attempt was drug OD. I remember doing tons of research and planning. Dressing up and feeling happy on that day. I’ve never felt more happy than that for a long long time. I was found and therefore still alive.
It was never a rash decision. Every night I go to sleep hoping I’ll never wake up again. Every morning is just another disappointment. Then I had to make a choice or staying alive or ending my life. And I regret my choice of staying alive every single day.
I can’t even explain […]
This post started as my first reply to another post, I am just copying it in. I’m not rich but I’m certainly not poor. I made this account just to reply to you, and im using my username that I have everywhere. I don’t want to be anonymous. My life was just how you describe yours, playing games, watching random tv shows, maybe some youtube, or streams, and chatting with friends online. I have lived 90% of my life online for the past few years. Unlike you I was satisfied with that, I do not want what others seem to want in life. I don’t […]
Every thump of each fireworks sounds like a million bullets in my head because I know she’s somewhere looking up smiling with him giving him the same look she gave me once. I want these lights to stop so I can finally fall asleep. I wish there was something I can take that didn’t make me selfish. I’m so alone so alone in this wretched mind. It’s normal now the pain.it feels normal now. The constant anxiety the constant panic it all seems so..welcoming. I’m dead to her today. I’m dead to everyone. I’m waiting to see how long until my courage builds up enough […]
The most beautiful thing happened when i logged in to write here. The check-mark on the login page said, ‘remember me’. What a wonderful thought indeed, made me smile. I don’t know why i chose to write here, why go through the process of registering and then confirming, checking email for new password and writing now. But anyways am here, let’s make the most of it..
Today is one of my darkest days. Three months back if anyone would have spoken of ending their lives I would have dissuaded them fervently. But bearing the same suicidal thought tonight, I somehow feel at ease with myself. Life […]
Today is my last day and it seems surreal.
Today I am going to go to the family cookout and later watch the fireworks . Not sure if I will sleep tonight or just stay up. Tomorrow I will get up early and drive to where I can see the sunrise. I have some nice soft music I am going to listen to while I watch it. Then when the sun is half way over the horizon, I will end this pain.
My note:
I was going to write a nice long note or even a poem but then thought, why. Everyone knows that I loved them and […]