Poetry & Art

Sometimes I can’t find words to explain myself…
All these thoughts telling me to kill myself…
I don’t even know how to feel myself…
I don’t want to admit it but I need some help…
Therapy isn’t working I need self help…

I feel a distance 

A disconnect 

A million miles apart 

My heart beat stings as it thumps inside my chest

With every beat I feel I am reminded of all the things in life that I’ve failed 

Of all the things I’m ungrateful for

I see these children that have my dna 

And I feel nothing on the daily except for sorrow 

I hate that I’ve put them here

Hate that I’m selfish 

Sometimes when I think about the life that’s growing inside I wish it would go away

And I immediately feel guilty

Because they never asked to make it their home 

No, it was my own stupidity that got me here

When I laid down and let […]

I was reading some poems by Edna St. Vincent Millay And found one called “The Suicide”. It opens with the lines at the bottom of this post. I connected with the idea of cursing life and giving it up, but I was unnerved by the direction she took it. It ends with her in heaven, in eternal rest, but jealous of the other dead people and angels who get to serve her god. When she asks for a task, the God tells her no because her life was her task and she gave that up. Does the idea of life as an act of devotion […]

Which perception do they shoulder?

“Pus sy”, or unknowing soldier?

Weakness, or internal sickness?

They’re indifferent to the difference.

Still, They’re still expecting stillness,

my distilled and filtered feelings,

for me to be as they are themselves, and

anticipating this unrelenting unrelating,

I hide myself away.

The urge for abortion is a plague, because I have this suprise unwanted pregnancy–
A malicious, mind-screwing sperm which has burrowed into the cerebral egg of my neurotransmitters by means of psychological rape–what really is this weight I carry?
This thing that grows inside of me?
This parasitic infancy?
The mucous walls of this mental placenta;
the membranes of this umbilical prison
is the shield that keeps me […]

Softly spoken, harshly put. Drown my lungs beneath the lint.
You don’t know what you ever did, to even writhe the burning flint
To cog the space that missed your place, after you were sold at birth.
You walk around this callous town, 10 times to fetch the worth

Yea, kings and queens, and moderns too, all to try for worth of you
And decades now you curse the act, that ever made you this ones pact
Oh why, that only I should know, what doesn’t rip the ties we sew
But bounding like the calves we were, shielded, before the truth be shown

It’s like a […]

Peace towards those who wish to die,

even towards those who hate to cry,

being a guy and sensitive,

makes wish I wasn’t alive,

guy insecurities,

you have to be strong and not weak,

for I don’t know how to be strong for myself,

or for others,

it goes to show,

that being dead,

may seem better than to be alive,

for it is and for it is not,

we all need to live even if we wish to die.

For suicide

it seems like we want,

death,

for how long shall I live?

Until I die or until I cry?

Cry for what?

A better life?

To have a wife?

A girlfriend?

These questions linger in my mind,

Am I really a good person,

or am I just another hypocrite,

Or am I just a bad person,

for if I may how long will I live,

live for the sake of myself,

or for the sake of others,

and be a slave to a system that sold us all out,

for how shall the pain go away,

in the mind and body,

for a fragile peace,

that was built by war,

and destroyed countless lives,

while imprisoning others,

this world of ours,

it originally wasn’t our own,

as we […]