Category:

Rants

finding friends..

by Furby 8/13/2022

written by Furby

why is it so hard now that im older? joining things like random chats dull the loneliness for only a short bit, and im sure its going to be more tough once im back in school.

no one really talks to me nowadays, unless its about art i owe them. ive made up so many characters in my mind, things that make me feel cared for.. but only for a while. im not insane, i know they’re not real. i know they dont care about me. even with calls with my friends, i usually end up just quiet because i dont want to interrupt anyone else […]

8/13/2022 6 comments

The gaslighter and the fool

by Virus.Found 8/12/2022

written by Virus.Found

Why do people feel the need to gaslight me.? My call went kinda bad. I mean lucky for them, I didn’t say any of the things, that I spend up all night thinking about. The man gives me a fucking existential crisis and says “I don’t know, why you’re upset about that”. Excuse me, maybe I get overwhelmed sometimes, but that doesn’t mean, you can treat me, like I’m making shit up on the go. The back-and-forth energy at this activity is playing with my mentality. I need somewhere quiet and for once uncomplicated.

8/12/2022 1 comment

Rant about Germany’s Jobcenter activities

by Virus.Found 8/11/2022

written by Virus.Found

A lot has happened. I was sick for a week, right when I was supposed to start a program from Jobcenter. Had to get a medical certificate (I hope it’s called that, sorry non-english speaker) from my doctor, who of course was on vacation.

Then on Monday showing up, they forgot to do a Corona Test, which is mandatory there, which obviously I didn’t know. And they did it after I had been there for 3 hours. It was positive. They basically asked me to leave the premises and I had to wait really long until someone came down to talk to me. They gave me […]

8/11/2022 0 comment

FUCK IT – Update – Hard decision//Never Loved//Obdurance

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/10/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

FUCK TIME TIME IS A B!TCH

FUCKIN RANT O’CLOCK, FUCKLES MCGEE!

GUESS WHAT?! I’m FUCKING waiting now, and I FUCKING hate it!

WAITING FOR THIS STUPID FUCKING SOLUTION which is GONNA MAKE MY LIFE BETTER

but FUCK WAITING OH GOD

I WAS STABLE for like A WEEK AND A HALF damnit! FUCK COPING! FUCK QUESTIONS from PROFANE PREACHERS of PALLID HATE!

HERE’s the UPDATE, because HELL YEAH that’s useful!

Part ONE:

I wanna make some FUCKIN DEMANDS, damnit!

I WANNA COFFIN, DAMNIT! and you BETTER NOT THROW AWAY ALL THE SHIT I PUT TOGETHER TO LAY THIS WHOLE MESS OUT FOR YA!

alright, now to the kind and well-deserving members of thesuicideproject.org, I’d like to […]

8/10/2022 7 comments

Ugly

by FreakOut 8/8/2022

written by FreakOut

SH warning

I’m so ugly. I cut on my thighs and boobs and I’m so ugly. I’m so scarred, my skin doesn’t feel the same. It’s so hideous. No one could ever love me with them, they’d just be reminded how ugly I am everytime they saw me. I’m disgusting. I just wish I could be pretty again, I wish people could love me again. I just want someone to love me, I ruin everything I touch though. And I don’t even have a reason to stop, my scars will never go away. I’ll remain unlovable no matter. At least the […]

8/8/2022 7 comments

Never Loved

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/4/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

Looking to golden lights, disoriented by gossamer affection

You never loved me- lie no more. Leave me or love me, I shan’t stand for your façade any longer. I see truth, I knew from the genesis of your sin, it held no virtues.
You called my light delusion, and you called my patience an unchecked ego. When I spoke clearly at last, your shell crumbled, you held no quarter to the lies before which you had brought forth against me. You say it “I love you not, I care nothing for you however you shall live.” And so it was laid plain.

8/4/2022 1 comment

Unwanted

by Unaware27 8/3/2022

written by Unaware27

Here I am 2 years later and I feel no different. My room is my favourite place to be, where I don’t have to prove my value to anyone. Between my family and my friends, I feel no love. I am the least favourite. I’ll try my best to check up on everyone, but I can go days, weeks and months without even messaging and noone would care. It’s a mental battle everyday to tell myself I’m loved and people care, but I know within my heart I’m only telling myself a lie. Sometimes I wish things were different, I wish I meant something to […]

8/3/2022 2 comments

Hard decision

by Thanatos.Nykthos 8/3/2022

written by Thanatos.Nykthos

Goddamnit, I’d hate for this to just be some bum other journal for me. But- At break point, I know that need.
Tonight I make the daring leap, I do what I hate myself for, what they will never forgive truly. For they cannot love, They cannot care for anything other than their purchase ‘pon me.
They will hate and weep, plead and probe into me, but my adamantine message cannot falter. Tonight will be difficult, I fear it’s malfruition. I pray to honest God for strength, for forgiveness for the resolve of self I have lacked so long, and for grace abounding […]

8/3/2022 3 comments

One day you will see it

by butto_love14 7/30/2022

written by butto_love14

I am incredibly sorry if somebody made you feel as though it was difficult to love you . I am so incredibly sorry if you have ever felt this way. But i promise you…… the universe will send you someone so unexpectedly. Someone who will every day and forever remind you of how great you are. Someone who will reinforce your belief in love as well as in yourself. Someone who will see your flaws but will forever remind you that your imperfections ,are what make you so perfect. Just tightly hold onto this belief . In the meantime fall in love with yourself – […]

7/30/2022 5 comments

R. has lost herself

by Virus.Found 7/28/2022

written by Virus.Found

What the hell lifelong friend.?! 2 days ago I replied to my friend R. and she tells me short and cryptic sentences. It sounds like a goodbye. You’d think, someone who planned on dying, actually had some great last words to offer. But… that wasn’t the case.

So I’ve tried to make her tell somebody about the bottle of pills she swallowed, her roommate at best. It took me a while and I convinced her to do so – Radio silence. There was nothing I could do, so I just waited. Got a “My roommate took me to the hospital”, that’s it. I really wonder, if […]

7/28/2022 3 comments

Horrible Day Stupid Niece

by lifeissuffering 7/27/2022

written by lifeissuffering

I had a horrible day today. My niece (12) had lied to her mother, my sister in law about me. Saying that i “made” her mow tge lawn all by herself when I and her little sister helped. ALL three if us at the same time. She was even paid for it yet told a damn lie like it was child slavery. But its not that its the fact i tried to make her happy, free trips to the movies, free symmer camp, bike rides, trip to the water park, getter her free school supplies, ice cream, candy, staying up until 11 or even one […]

7/27/2022 0 comment

feelings dont exist

by ..akio 7/21/2022

written by ..akio

Nothing makes me feel anything anymore. The only thing I can do now is create a character with horrid backstories of abuse. Why? I don’t know. Whenever I feel upset… “wow, well *insert character* had to live through that… my life is great.” Basically just gaslight myself with the characters. Haha. I want to die. There’s no reason, really. Not that I know of, atleast. Nobody let’s me talk. I cannot talk. For if I say a single word about what’s been kept inside foe so long I will be sent to a mental prison they call a hospital! Everything I do is being watched! […]

7/21/2022 2 comments

Dad

by idkausername 7/17/2022

written by idkausername

So my dads in jail again and now I’m a little bit of a mess because of it. It’s nothing new for my dad to be in jail or whatever but he promised me he would pay for my drivers Ed I work on weekends and have a VERY hard time saving when something goes wrong buying new stuff makes me feel better so I have no money saved and I need to start drivers Ed soon even if I started saving up now I still probably wouldn’t have enough for speed week. I feel bad for feeling bad for him because of everything he […]

7/17/2022 4 comments

i hate myself

by 4rch1v35 7/17/2022

written by 4rch1v35

i hate myself. i despise myself. out of everyone in the world, its me i hate the most. and i hate myself for feeling this way.

i live with my single mom because my dad cheated on her when i was six. yeah im still in highschool and my problems right now are so insignificant compared to others in the world.

i wish i was pretty. i hate the way i look. i wish i could cut off my fat with a knife. i wish i could cut into my eyelid to change my eye shape. i hate myself for this. my mom […]

7/17/2022 4 comments

Alone with him for four days

by Furby 7/14/2022

written by Furby

starting today, my mom is taking off to meet with my step brother, which means i’m left alone at the house with my abusive brother

ive been feeling rather dazed, nothing has happened yet, but im still anxious to be alone with him. i hope these days pass quickly, and he doesn’t try anything. maybe i’m just overthinking things and he won’t try anything, but i still feel uneasy..

as a result, i do not plan to go out of my room at all. i’ve brought some snacks for my room with my mom and i filled a gallon jug of water. my bathroom is very close […]

7/14/2022 2 comments

I’m not okay.

by turbulent thoughts 7/6/2022

written by turbulent thoughts

I’m not okay.

And it’s not even about happiness or sadness, for the matter. It is just life around that is filling me with this overwhelming feeling in my heart which I don’t know how to let go of. How can I feel at peace again? I don’t know. I just don’t know. The funny thing is that a part of me, doesn’t even want to know, yet I’m trying to look for words to put this commotion of thoughts into string of sentences I would never read again. Control. Is that what I aim for? Probably not. It is not really me. But again, who […]

7/6/2022 0 comment

DYING TODAY IN A SHITTY COUNTRY

by lifeisadankjoke 7/5/2022

written by lifeisadankjoke

I live in a country that sees suicide as an act of rebellion . So there are laws to scare people from commiting suicide . One of those laws is that if I am not above the age of 21 . If I commit suicide my close family parents and older siblings will be held accountable for my “mistake” by paying stupidly large sums of fines and me and my parents have to at least be held inside a “psych ward” ( basically a prison ) until I am deemed to be “normal” again . I have been actively trying to commit suicide since I […]

7/5/2022 3 comments

I hate it that my parents can’t even understand me

by ordinary_girl13 7/4/2022

written by ordinary_girl13

It was a fine morning, I woke up with a good mood and me and my mother were joking together like any other. After I ate my breakfast, I wanted to stretch my body but my mother misunderstood and thought I won’t wash the dishes. I said, “I want to stretch my arms.” Then my aunt comments, “That’s her excuse.” My mother immediately replied, “Don’t involve yourself.” And then I couldn’t control my tears for the first time after finally getting control of my depression and anxiety. I rushed to the sink and washed the dishes, crying. My mother approached me and she said, “Thank […]

7/4/2022 1 comment

why is my body so weird?

by Furby 6/29/2022

written by Furby

putting aside the fact that i think im not really that attractive, but at least i look.. kinda cute on days where i actually take time to take care of myself, my body is very weird.

for 2 (almost 3?) years, ive been eating at least 1 or 2 meals a day (however, on days when i can’t catch my brother sleeping so i can sneak a meal, i usually just let myself not eat for that day), portion doesn’t really matter, but it’s been getting smaller and smaller. i used to binge eat alot when i was younger, i never got rid of that hunger […]

6/29/2022 0 comment

Actively choosing to have children is an iniquitous scandal

by TheG 6/26/2022

written by TheG

I’ve said it many times and I’ll say it again. D.O.N.’.T–H.A.V.E–C.H.I.L.D.R.E.N. It’s not worth it, if not for you, definitely NOT FOR THEM. Life is a rip off and it isn’t even enjoyable. A world built to lever your very needs against you to create profits for those it rewards. From the moment you dump them into a school they’ll be programmed to be taken advantage of. And if you refuse to participate there’s no planet left for you to survive on anyway.

In fact the biggest reason parents have children at all is due to this programming. the system needs more subscribers. […]

6/26/2022 11 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts