Looking for a friend, preferably a teenage male. No one around here understands me. They just pretend. Comment for details.
Finally found reasons to die…but not even one to keep staying alive.
This is such a f-cked up world.
In this page, I feel real freedom swirling around me. I can express whatever I want to say, and I know that I just often post or log in, like to be honest this is my second post since I joined last month. (It’s not as if I’m the only one). But oh well, doesn’t matter. Just found a reason to be online everyday. I’d probably be too noisy here than in the outside world, but who cares…nobody, of course.
I’ve had enough of everything. Literally, everything.
When I go […]
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
Everytime my friends call or try and talk to me I feel like I’m being awkward. I feel like that triggers my friends to jump on the friendship train with my sister more than me. That’s why they seem bored around me. How can I get rid of this awkwardness and freely talk and be funny without being offensive or mean..? I’m so troubled with this, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m the only one who does this, to new friends or the same friends I have. I feel like there is something wrong with me..
Today as I was leaving the grocery store, a complete stranger said “Goodbye, (*my name*)!”
I nodded politely, and nicely said goodbye, realizing I had absolutely no clue who this person was. I still don’t know.
One of the drawbacks to living in a tiny town in a mostly rural county is that almost everybody seems to know everybody else.
Some people might find this comforting and cheery; I find it unsettling and creepy.
One thing I relished during my brief stays in larger cities was that absolutely nobody had any clue who I was. I was a wonderfully anonymous face in amongst the equally-nameless hordes.
It was glorious.
Here […]
I wish I was special.
I wish so many things.
But I’m a creep .
I’m a weirdo.
I do whatever makes me happy.
though it doesn’t last long.
What am I waiting for?
I should just be done with it and end it all right?
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
She ran.
So far away.
You’re so special.
You’re just like an angel.
I want you.
To notice.
I want a perfect soul.
I want a perfect body.
I wish I was special.
You’re so fucking special.
I don’t care if it hurts.
I don’t belong here. . .
I think I want to die but not because of sadness. I want to die because I can not live with myself. I […]
Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.
Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.
I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.
No I […]
I hate myself. I really don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I don’t believe in myself to make it through 2016. I find new things to hate about myself everyday and I can’t sleep without having nightmares. I’m mentally and emotionally drained 24/7. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live either. I think of killing myself every hour of everyday because I just can’t do it anymore and it just seems so much better than how I am now. If I just ended everything, I wouldn’t feel, I couldn’t and all the pain would end. I know that there […]
Tonight, I am planning to kill myself. I have planned many times to but I have held back because of what seemed like people who cared or the sacredness of what people would think if I failed. Tonight, however, ends all of this. To if you were my friend or you call yourself a friend of mine, I am sorry, but you should have known this was coming. To my family aside from my adoptive mom, I am sorry. To my teachers and other adults, why could not have done something. I know you guys have seen my cuts and scars. Some of you have […]
For three days I was all excited… the guy I really like told me that he’d give me a chance… if… I weren’t suicidal.
SO! I took that thought an ran with it. I applied for college after having the app on my desk for about a month, and started feeling more chipper. I rewired my room as I’ve been planning, sent out orders for my shop, etc.. I was genuinely on the up-and-up for about three days. until today…
Today I see him, say hi, and he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. Likely busy or having issues of his own no doubt, so I don’t blame […]
I notice I start to get angry toughs whenever I have to go out, maybe it’s a reaction to prepare me to defend myself. Many times I give up leaving home, because I can’t handle people staring at me uncontrolably mad.
I tried to go anyway, everything happened as expected, couldn’t lift up my face to look at people. My eyes stuck the ground, I start sweating, and my face muscles become stiff, and i think, this never changes. Psychologists say you should keep insisting going out and facing your fears. But it never changes to me, it’s like the Murphy law “If something can go wrong […]
I didn’t really know were else to come but here so…
I always feel sore somewhere, my hands have had problems for years, my back often gets sore as well as my feet when standing of walking for a long time. My knees can start to hurt too and sometimes my joints feel so uncomfortable, not in a hurting way though, just a weak way. Lately I have also been getting sore hips, or they just feel really weak.
I’m 15 year’s old and I’m quite athletic, I’m pretty sure I eat healthy (Healthy enough) and I am quite fit compared to most other people my age […]
I am fairly certain about my misery and my mental illness. I know I can’t be cured. Well most of the mental diseases can’t be cured. Even doctor said that it can be manageable. Manageable not cured. Fuck manageable. I am tired of this shit. All the time living in fear that I am gonna collapse now. I am gonna freak out now in public and What to say about the demons. Thankfully they are at rest now. Even without them life is so miserable. I wish them to wake up now. So I can end this pathetic miserable life.
Every fucking day/ at some point/after […]
I hate it when people describe me in a different way, a way that others don’t see me for how i present my own self. Especially when it would be of relationship talk.
Yesterday I went to a party with some close friends. The party ended up being at an apartment complex on the sixth floor. The night went on and things were fun for a while, but then it was like something inside me snapped, or changed. I couldn’t breathe, I felt warm, and I got blotchy and flushed. I went outside onto the balcony. Once I closed the sliding door, I felt so alone. I’m scared of heights, but for some reason I went and leaned over on the railing. Instead of panicking like I usually do when so high up, I stayed and looked down. […]
“So what if you get depressed? everyone gets depressed you know. Don’t be so over dramatic”. Well, F*ck you. Don’t take depression too lightly my dear. It is one of a fucking hell. You think this is easy? NO IT’S NOT *****. You think getting depressed is normal? you think it’s just like “oh I’m sad.” then later “Oh I’m happy” ? NO IT’S NOT. You don’t know anything. You think I’m stupid for being dramatic? You think this is dumb? Wow. Just wow. I want to kill you by just saying that. Depression is savage af. Depression is hell and you can’t escape from […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Its the same old, same old really. I’m a pissed off misanthrope lacking more than a shy percentage of a will to live. I hate sounding like a melodramatic prick but honestly I can’t very well voice my mind without at least coming off to a few people that way. I try to stay honest, I try to stay logical and not let my inflated ego obstruct me…
But honestly… I’m just, ya know, tired. I’m sick of fighting only to look forward and see bigger and bigger battles. Its demoralizing. I’m 17, graduated highschool early, on to tech school to hopefully get a job with […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hello.
I’m still alive.
It’s been a while since the last time I posted here and to be quite honest I thought it was because I was getting better but I think that’s just a lie I keep telling myself so I don’t try to commit again. Lately I’ve been feeling quite down and have (LITERALLY) no friends to vent to and before this becomes into something more than it should I decided to come back and just, if not vent, at least just .. write .. about anything and everything, if that makes sense.
It’s going to be the anniversary of my last attempt and I feel […]