I’m relatively new to this site, but thought I’d take my turn to publish a post. The reason I’m on here tonight is because I am really struggling at the moment. I am really having strong urges to end my life. I don’t want to kill myself, yet I don’t want to continue living this life that I have created for myself. Very contradicting sentence, isn’t it? I just feel so alone. And I know isolation plays a big part in it, but even with people I still feel incredibly alone. I hate myself so much. I hate my body and my mind. I wish […]
Rants
I am 14. A freshman. On the crew team. Go to a well known school. Get good grades. I do what I need to do to get through highschool. But, everything I do is not good enough for my parents. It all started when I was born. Adopted. Great huh? Although, I grew up thinking I was born to these parents, biologically. Soon to figure out I wasn’t. Heartbreaking. I fought through all the pain of feeling not loved. Until 2009, when my “mothers,” father died. He was my one and only.He kept me sane. I told him everything. He told me everything. It was […]
Im 19, A few years after I was Born my parents divorced and my mom and I moved away from the big city to a smaller city not to far. The divorced didnt effect me much because I was so young but it showed in my mother and she began to drink a lot.
by the time I was in grade 3 I was very unhappy with life, There was rarely any food to eat in the house and I was in a very abusive relationship with my mother. I was regularly running away from home and staying with my grandmother who lived in the same […]
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m an 18 (almost 19) year old college drop out, and I just feel so lost. I have been suicidal ever since I was 12, and I never imagined that I would make it this far in life. I had only gone to college so I could get away from my parents, but due to my social anxiety I was forced to come back. I feel stuck; forced to live with my father who raped and hit me as a child, and my mother who has never tried to protect me from him (and further claims that the rape was […]
I always tried to forget my past, but the last few days I constantly see a image/video in my head. It shows me one of the days I was physically bullied and it was really horrible. I wish that I wouldn’t have to remember it, but that picture sticks in my head. It really scares me, and also hurts me. Like someone’s stucking a knife in my belly and in my heart. I can’t tell it anyone, because it’s too difficult for me to talk about it, so I’m glad I can share it here. I really don’t know what to do to get it […]
Time heals now wounds!
Yeah, I’been tryin to get her out of my life for quite sometime.
been a long time, but still i cant!
the fact is she is gone!
where are you , sweet heart?Â
te amo para siempre, incluso de la muerte!
Why do I always have to believe that things when get better even though they won’t? Why do I keep trying to stick around when I know this is it for me? Why am I afflicted with this hopeless optimism? Hope is a curse.
Last night was just an all around bad night. My girlfriend needed to go to the hospital and I offered to go with her, but she said “no” because I need to sleep for school, understandable. And then my boyfriend said he will go with and she jumped at the idea which honestly just bugged the shit out of me. I mean, how in the world did it make sense that she only wanted him with her. I just was so mad. And then again I was bothered because they just automatically assumed I will watch their 2 year old daughter. And yes, I know […]
I wonder, if there is an end to any of this…. things keep happening …. some of us are depressed, some of us want to end our life, some are struggling to find a meaning , some are try struggling to find a way out, and then there are others who don’t have too many doubts, they are almost sure of what they want and are working towards it. And life goes on…. the race, the rush, the panic , the ecstasy, emotions,feelings, sensations…. everything that makes this web of life goes on… just goes on , not waiting for anybody or anything…. there is […]
I really don’t know how to start this post, so, pieces can fall where they may.
I don’t know whether it’s wanting to be saved and know I’m loved because of somebody, or if I really just want a boyfriend/girlfriend/friend. I don’t know. I feel so confused. And conflicted. I just keep dreaming and needing for.. something. I’m not really sure what of yet. I can’t really decipher my dreams that well you know. Anyways, I just am feeling like I’m craving to be loved, touched, felt, understood by someone who truly cares and wants to know me, and all these things. Like, I have a whole list of things that I would feel if I were with somebody, and a […]
A lot has happened to me recently I joined a support group so that’s why I haven’t been posting as frequently and I saw the social worker at my school to get help that was an alright experience she called my mom and my mother didn’t really understand and told me I should just pray to God and also today I apologized to my friends whom I cut off only two of them replied and the reactions are fifty fifty one of them forgives me and the other is mad and even told me “why do you even bother apologizing?” the thing is if you […]
If you want to talk and don’t think anybody would understand because they would just try and talk you out of it – I’m here if you need me.
P.S I don’t know of any surefire ways to kill yourself and probably wouldn’t tell you. Seeing as I believe if somebody truly wants to kill themselves they will find a way on their own.
The major part of my problem with life has to do with being trapped at the bottom of a building. Granted, that was in a WARZONE but little things beyond the DMZ force my mind back into that situation. Today, just as I was getting ready to go home, a security mechanism malfunctioned and I, unfortunately, got trapped in a cold, dark, silent space, two stories beneath a federally controlled building. Minor incident for you, one hour of after work annoyance for about six people, but one goddamn heartbeat too many for ME.
I am so fucking EXHAUSTED from trying to keep “it” together… It’s […]
So I know no one is probably gonna see this but it’s my last way of getting any thing out… Lately I haven’t been myself. Like when I hang out with my friends I feel like I’m the most unimportant person in the group and that it wouldn’t matter if I was there or not. I started this new school in January because of bullying and depression issues at my other one. The first few weeks of my new school everyone seemed so nice and bright and happy, now everyone acts like I’m some kind of nuisance and like I should just leave. But some […]
Well, anyways, I’m 14 (and a girl, if that matters), and like I said up there, I’m kind of confused. This is going to sound terrible, because I know there are people out there with legitimate problems that they honest-to-goodness can’t, but wish they could, control.
A couple months ago, I moved to a new place. I made friends and I have friends, but not close like I used to. I usually feel alone, because I usually am alone. I don’t feel like I have accomplished anything important, or that I will because half the people at my school are so smart. Every time I feel […]
A few days ago (on the 25th) to be exact I attempted to take my life and almost succeeded! Except, well… remorse and guilt along with my Dog made me realize I made a horrible mistake. Sensing this my body had begun rejecting the drugs that were laced in my suicide cocktail.
The 25th was my dads birthday and truthfully I think he’d be too pleased with himself if I took my own life on his birthday, so, I have decided that no matter what happens I will only kill myself on MY birthday. (looks better on the grave, I think)
Anyways, I really want to have someone who […]
the hallucinations begin
the maggots crawling on my skin
searching for each fresh wound
wanting to bury deep inside
this dark rotting flesh
of mine
i cry
i only wish to rest
lying here is absolutely
no “good nightâ€
paranoia
filling my mind
drowning in sorrow and pain
this feeling won’t fucking go away
but i have no God
i can not pray
not for this night
nor for any other day.
A while back my aunt took me to a therapist, for my depression.She then took me to a lady who prescribed medication!God, I was so freaking mad, still am a bit peeved.Since hen my depression and anorexia have only gotten worse,I have stated previously that nothing will help but she didn’t listen and now its progressed to a stage where I’m slowly turning into a vegetable (medical term).Also you might not think this but I’m 13 and my life has completely fallen to pieces.If you want to know the full story then look at my other posts but even then you wont know the full […]
This is my first post here, and I’m just going to throw everything out there to get it all off my chest. It’s going to be pretty long – probably more of a reference for me to grab specific things from later on rather than deserving a full read from the get-go.
I’ve been unhappy for as long as I can remember – have always been one of the outcasts, even in elementary school. Since quitting high school in grade 11 because of a bullshit education system that manufactures cloned drones, I’ve managed to “deal with life” for the past decade. Without an education, I managed […]
it seems like i was not ment to do anything. like i have no real futrue. like i do nothing for everybody around me. i am to blame for everything i have no real use. then what am i doing here. so many people have said they loved me, but never have they really showed it. they have done so many hurtful things to me and it has always been ok. someone close to me said to just sweep it under the rug . but i cant . i cant forget, and when its ok for them to do it, i cant forgive. this has […]