it seems like i was not ment to do anything. like i have no real futrue. like i do nothing for everybody around me. i am to blame for everything i have no real use. then what am i doing here. so many people have said they loved me, but never have they really showed it. they have done so many hurtful things to me and it has always been ok. someone close to me said to just sweep it under the rug . but i cant . i cant forget, and when its ok for them to do it, i cant forgive. this has […]
Rants
Iv suffered with depression my hole life, but if you knew my story maybe you would understand?
I have tried suicide 3 times in my life. first was wen i was 12 it was a O.D attempt. second i was 14 and it was the closet Ive came to death, it again was a o.d. and lastly i was 16 it again was a another overdose. i guess i just thought going to sleep was the most painless way to go. just falling asleep and dieing just sounded so peaceful to me.
sense the day i was born my parents were addicted to drugs. first it was […]
It’s an oxymoron; I know. Because by definition a suicide note is representative of something horrible, and the word perfect means lacking in flaws or defects: so you really cannot have a perfect suicide, can you? I don’t know if it’s possible or not. But I want to come as close as I can. My name is Rachel. I am seventeen years old. Some might say I have my whole life ahead of me, but one day really soon, I am going to commit suicide. What follows is a draft of my suicide note. Read it. Comment. Help me make it perfect.
If you are reading this, […]
Sitting here, all I really want to do is paint these walls red. Noth with the blood of mine enimies, but of the blood of myself. I want everyone to witness the blood, the pain, and my suffering. Let them try and wash the blood from these walls and their clothes.
The first time I tried to kill myself was on November 3rd 2012.
I was friends with this girl Tori, and then one day, for no reason I know of, she changed. She hated me. I didn’t know what I did. But that week after she changed was hell for me. She called me things, made fun of me, tripped me, hit me. And on that day, I’d had enough. When I get on the bus, I instantly regretted it. It’s like I could feel that I was going to go home and kill myself. My bus stop is the first one, right before hers. When […]
I was just going through my old pictures when I stumbled across my pictures from 2009 summer pictures. I didn’t think anything of it until I found the pictures of my friends. We spent basically the whole summer together. It made my chest hurt, just seeing my smile and all of my friends together. We haven’t really been like that since our friend Andrew killed himself.
We had our little “gang.” four girls, four guys. There was me, Kelsey, Anna, Shiney(real name), Max, Henry, Andrew, and Toby.
We were always happy and having fun. Then, when Andrew killed himself last June, it was like a piece was […]
I wont even know how to describe it. All those ways how I was acting made me feel extremely embarassed about myself. I thought I was missing out on a lot, and I tried to catch up. But instead I was making a fool out of myself. After we stopped talking, I tried to fit in, but it would only lead me to feeling more embarassed. I never cared about the future, but now I pretty much began disregarding the flow of time. It became scary for me to leave the house. I was getting progressively depressed and anxious. I tried therapy, but I never […]
My mother is the most rude, annoying, bitchy, stupid, uncaring, unlovable person I’ve ever met. I swear she’s most of the reasons I want to die. It’s like there’s nothing I can do to make her happy. I try so hard to do the best I can, and it’s never enough. Since I moved here seven years I’ve been on all the honor roles, gotten almost all A’s, and never done anything bad but a smoked a couple of joints now and then. And she doesn’t even know about that.
God, I just hate her so much. A child shouldn’t hate their parent this much. It’s […]
I don’t know how to start this.. I pretty much decided to make this to be able to vent about everything. My life is eating me up day  by day now.. It started when my dad had died. Suicide got to him. It was last year, January 7th. I know, I know, dude that was a year ago why are you finally talking about it? How about this- I didn’t have as much depression until now. Not many people understand how fucked up you can get from a suicide, bullying, and no one caring.. Everyone thinking that you’re fine. When in reality, you’re not. My mum […]
Here is to my special awesome lady dragon who has a hard time suffering with a lot of things.
I’m very happy that we met and I’m very happy we’re together. Without you, I’d be dead, when love comes in to my mind, I think of you. You’ve saved me from being alone and being sad all my life, you’ve gave me a life to live for, because of you.
No matter how short or how long this relationship will be, I’ll always be with you. If you die, I die. If you kill yourself, I’ll kill myself too. It doesn’t matter, you won’t die alone. Because […]
I wrote a poem today. About all the misunderstoodment about how I look like and how I really feel. My therapists don’t understand me, I explained it so many times. They keep saying that I don’t have a mask and that it’s the real me how I act, but that I think it’s a mask. Yeah right, so I have feeling so depressed for so many times, but acted like I was happy, but my therapists tell me that I really was happy in that time. So they tell my that I haven’t felt suicidal and depressed? How can they know what I feel?
Here’s the […]
only when im alone does this mask come off it feels like i cant tell anyone anything in fear of judgment and being condemd weak i dont think theres been a single day i havnt cried this weak they say a man shouldnt cry but only if you knew the legit reasons i have that i havnt told you for as long as i can remember suicide has been a thought yet somehow by schools standards it goes against everything ive been tuaght ive never had parents im the lonely guy that tried to fit in but got told off the one that had no […]
Today, I woke up in my friends house. I wasn’t shocked at all. I was actually a bit relieved. I remember last night in a blur. My adoptive “parents” yelled at me for something I don’t even remember. They were screaming at the top of their lungs. I’m not even sure why or what I did that was so wrong.
The bad part came when Brian, my “dad” raised his arm. I could’ve sworn he was gonna smack me. So, as his hand was about to hit my face i stopped him. I kicked the bastard in the groin so hard, I hope he won’t be […]
Hello everyone.
Today is my last day. Tonight I will be ending things and finally finding total freedom and nothingness.
To my dear Nat, goodbye my sweet Princess. Just keeping my promise to tell you goodbye. Sent you an email not sure if you got it.
To any others who I have conversed with. I really hope things have improved for you or will improve. And that your pain lessens enough for life to be at least somewhat joyful. Many of you are suffering mainly or totally because of others and I wish I had the power to take that pain away from you. Sometimes people are treated […]
Ah, Baby Boomers you gotta love ’em. Raised by the Greatest Generation, the Boomers are a demographic oddity probably unprecedented in human history. Swayed by the meth-induced scribblings of Ayn Rand (to the extent that we have namesakes such as Rand Paul) the Boomers were taught to spin their hamster wheels toward a shiny Jetson futurama, alone in their wheel except for a carrot and stick to guide them.
Pooling their savings together into the tax loophole called 401k, they loaned trillions to what’s become obvious as a shell game and pyramid scheme of global capital flight; which seeks the cheapest labor inflates […]
It sucks.
I just don’t get how people can be content going through the same mundane bullshit, day after day. Hell, 90% of the people I interact with seem miserable to varying degrees. What makes a widespread, depressed population want to keep living?
It makes no sense to me. Are they simply scared of what comes next?
On a side note, this is obviously not how you post to the forum.
So, I’m not sure the best way to introduce myself here. Â Let’s just say my childhood was rough and I really haven’t developed in any meaningful way as a person in decades. Fundamentally, the me from Middle School is no different from the me in Adulthood. Â The more I think about this, the more I realize it. Â Currently in my lower 30’s, crippling depression and anxiety, and general self-esteem issues.Can’t sleep and frankly just don’t care anymore. I’m tired of the pattern, my pattern, and need to break it…one way or another. Â Prescription drugs are useless, counselors are entirely too predictable, and street […]
I’m very sorry for all the pain I’ve caused to you….
No…. it’s not your fault, don’t blame yourself…
For a long time it has been my fault, I’ve done horrible things to you in the past which cannot be forgiven…
Even though you’ll try to blame yourself, don’t my love you’re not the one who is causing all this havoc…
Run….. run before you suffer, before you suffer another day of hell because of me…
No, don’t look back. Never look back, I cause all the pain, you won’t suffer if you don’t look back….
Everlasting relationship would of been perfect….. I’m just sorry I didn’t make that come true….
Teach […]
I’ve never been one to reach out to others for help — especially not the online public — but f**k it, I’ve run out of options.
I am 33 years old and have struggled with suppressing the urge to kill myself all day every day since I was around 9 years old. I exercise every day, eat healthy, stay constantly active with work and recreational activities, volunteer my time whenever possible, have gone to therapy for years, and tried every SSRI and benzodiazepine on the market. No matter what, I cannot shake the idea that life itself is just an excess of time and effort with little to no […]
People underestimate how much music means to me. They have no idea that music is the only thing keeping me from a mental institute. Music does so many things for me. It keeps the monsters of the night away, it pushes away all feeling cutting couldn’t. It keeps my anxiety down, and calms me when I need it. It’s the only thing I’m alive for. The depression, the anxiety, the eating disorders, the bipolar, the ADHD, the personality disorders, they’d all be 20 times worse without music.
And trust me when I say I’d be dead by now. Without music, I wouldn’t have that one song […]