Rants

6

i’m so sick of being ugly

August 27th, 2017by iamdarling

i am so ugly, i am sick of it.

i hate my eyes, i hate myself.

 

i hate the way i have to rely on makeup to look even remotely nice, and i hate the problems that come with the makeup.

i hate how i wake up every morning, feeling and looking disgusting.

 

being ugly is probably the root to a few of my problems.

my ugliness will never change or be fixed.

being ugly means i will never be happy.

 

i am so sick of being ugly.

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3

Why am I so unhappy?

August 26th, 2017by suicidalIcelander

I have almost everything i need but i dont have happieness. I have a girlfriend that is carrying my baby, i get paid enough so really not lacking any money!

But i have depression and its now taking over more than i was a year ago. I did go to therapy but its so god damn expensive so i quit that but went to a doctor instead and got meds for the depression, at first it was working but after 3-4 months it wasn’t working and i felt bad and i tried my first suicide very recently by overdozing. I was suppose to take 75 mg a day but maximum was 400 mg but first i took 14 pills (700 mg) but it didnt work so i did it again the next day but 16 pills (800 mg) all i was hoping that it would make a hole in my stomace and it would be late to fix it but it didnt work!

I was in canada with my parents when i did this and after the second attempt i told them and my girlfriend!

Now im more depressed then ever and all i wanna do is die quick and painlessly. I know i will be doing some damage to my girlfriend and my parents and siblings but theyr pain will heal in time and my unborn child wouldnt have to know how i died! It would be better that way instead of dragging them down with me!

there are only 3 ways i can end myself and that is either hang myself, jump or leave everything behind with no money or anything exept for enough food to get far away until noone can find me and ill freeze to death!

 

ps. Im sorry about my english

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4

Almost Done

August 25th, 2017by Almond801

I’ve been writing my goodbyes for a long time. They’ve never been quite right. They start out with gratitude and subtle apology but I get lost after that. I don’t feel grateful or sorrowful. I don’t feel much beyond the negative spectrums anymore. I’ll get brief bursts, like sun bursts through the clouds, but they are gone often while still happening. I have lived for myself but it was empty. I have lived for others and repeatedly failed in it. I have lived in transition while searching for solutions and believing that there must be another way.

Day after day it gets harder to breathe. I …

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5

Me: Inside and Out: Ranting, don’t care if anyone reads this

August 24th, 2017by lxmyrick

So I have been having some bad days.  I don’t mean like the day was bad, but for some random reason I started to feel sad, depressed, not hungry, and I don’t know why.  Everything was going good and it just randomly started to get worst.  The worst part is that I feel alone.  And yes I see a bunch of people around school and places I go, but I still feel so alone and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone.  And to make it worst is that I am always wearing a mask because I fear that if I showed how I …

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1

Fighting for air While the demons press on

August 23rd, 2017by ibelieveinunicorns

I feel like I’m stuck in this odd living limbo
Being torn between the desire to live and watch you grow
Or die and help you heal
My love for you three is pure
But my brain spoils it for you
It’s sick and decaying
Trapping me inside it as it try’s to drag me down into the pits of hell
My love is light and full of hope that flutters me to the surface of the darkness
Every harsh word and cold exchange tears a piece of the good in you away
I see the pain rise up to your faces when the darkness slips passed my lips
My heart winces in reaction to

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1

They are back.

August 23rd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to …

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5

i’m wasting my time here

August 22nd, 2017by iamdarling

time is seeming to move so fast, yet so slow –

i spend everyday doing the same things; scrolling aimlessly though the internet for hours, playing video games, watching tv…

i’ve been doing this for… five years now (more in the past couple) and, now, it’s almost the new school year… where has all the time gone? individual days are too slow but overall, time is too quick.

i’m 13. i won’t get these years back. i’m wasting my time here. i’m wasting my life.

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3

Back home.

August 21st, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I …

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3

My life now

August 20th, 2017by usedcanvas

My life is a mess riht now. So about a month ago i broke up with my boyfriend that I was with for a year and a half. I finally realized how mean he was. He never put much interest into me and he never wanted to help me. For example, I felt it was neccessary to tell him about the time I was raped as a child because I was having a lot of nightmares about it and I was shutting down from it. But, when I told him he got mad at me. He said why would I think that he was equipted …

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0

Every single minute Every single hour Is too late, devoured Her time had come Her time had gone The lyrics are missing, to my song Every single minute Every single hour Was supposed to be ours Her deed was done Under a hurting fire Not only hers to take, expire She had done much more. […]

2

s o o n

August 20th, 2017by themessenger

All the hopes I still held in my head disappeared. I know I will not get better now, I think I deserve this. It’ll be fine if I end it like this. I feel like I’ve lost everything I care about, everthing that helped me not go crazy under the weight of my feelings.
I have talked friend out of suicide more than once and these nights have left both mental and physical scars on me. They were awful, full of panic attacks so bad I couldn’t breathe while trying to type something that’ll mean enough for my friend to stay. I’ve always told myself …

2

Tired.

August 19th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like there is more than one soul in me. I have to make a choice, either be too kind and suffer the consequences or be heartless and later come crashing down. I could also just stay the way I am right now but the thing is I don’t feel fine. I could never stay like this. Ignoring the way I feel is killing me. I’m just tired and sick of this life. I feel so selfish, I have everything I need to be able to survive yet I’m still depressed. I just can’t go back. Summer is …

7

The waiting game

August 19th, 2017by LittleKitten5

I’m 22 and currently living on my own. My parents are paying my rent right now with the expectation that I will pay them back in the future. I applied for SSI back in March of this year because I tried to commit suicide two times in 2016 and was so messed up by the drugs I was put on from the doctors in the psych wards that I was not able to function at all. I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation since I was 9 years old and many psychiatrists growing up have diagnosed me Bipolar. The last two suicide attempts have been a result …

4

I am a disappointment

August 18th, 2017by haterlivet

One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.

But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of  is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they …

5

Suicide without hurting others

August 18th, 2017by haterlivet

I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through

My biggest problem is …

5

start them young

August 17th, 2017by hollowchest

Hi. I just wanted to get my thoughts off and just rant. Anyone else think the house is just a prison? Your parents just owners? Granted that depends on who you have as parents, so it begs the question, if they aren’t doing their job properly in raising a child, why even have one? Like why have children only to condemn them and never support or encourage them? I’m not asking much, there’s certain responsibilities they obviously need to fulfill due to the child’s inability to look after themselves, such as picking them up from school when they’re young. Other than that, anything negative that …

23

I have a strange problem.

August 16th, 2017by Cause of Death: Suicide

Strangers I do not even know call the cops on me left and right while I have never done anything illegal.

Its the weirdest thing.

While I am out in public minding my own business random strangers will demonize me screaming at me or making up lies that I have done something I never have

I want to kill these people.

I want to murder them

Ive been suicidal since 13 but I became homicidal at 22. After going to jail because of random strangers.

0

Unpleasant Feelings

August 16th, 2017by PrismaticGreyZone

The advice worked for me.

I saw this video a while ago and shortly after that, I had a huge fight with my mom and in the first half of it, I remembered this video and decided to try the advice to stay present for the unpleasant rush of feelings but at the same time I emotionally detached myself from the fight to observed it in 3rd person; I was basically being the referee of my own fight. I observed my own feelings as well as hers and tried to understand her perspectives. During the fight, I kept asking myself, why, why do I feel this way? …

0

useless

August 15th, 2017by blackopal02

there are 7 billion people on the planet. i dont matter i never will i am worthless and stupid and fat and ugly and i dont matter. let me disappear

3

Can’t Move

August 15th, 2017by blackopal02

I can’t get out of bed. And that’s one of the main reasons why i hate myself so, so much.

I hate myself for doing nothing, for being unproductive, for being a worthless failure. I hate myself for being so fat and ugly and not trying to do anything about it.

My whole body feels numb and heavy, and my eyelids droop, yet at night i can never sleep.

Why am i like this? Why can’t i be like the girls at my school who have their lives together; who are on the school teams, have friends and significant others, who have no serious physical ailments, and who …