guess who fell asleep because of lethargy!! me 🙁 oh well, maybe there will be a better day…
fuck this shit fuck this country i hate my country’s educational system,, so many kids attempting suicide and no one’s doing jackshit FAST about it.
well, i guess i’ll just be another dead body in the morning. i hate living. i hate life. bye.. see you all in the afterlife…
fucking tired of humans,,, i hope i get reborn as a loved and pampered cat or dog because i just don’t want to think!!! im sick of using my brain!! even when people tell me im smart, im fucking dumb and fail tests and fail to pass my homework on time!! fuck this shit!! i just want God to take my dumb life!!!! im so sick of this shit…!
good bye!!! fuck it all!!
someone take care of my journal, my boyfriend, my family, and my dog for me please
cant even fucking drink water because of the shitass government my country has hope yall just die a slow and despairing death,, good BYE
I had the most irritating debate about rape with this one person that keeps correlating two entirely different matters. He doesn’t have enough data to back up his stands and we keep on coming back on the non-relating matter.
This past few weeks felt really lonely and embarrassing. I just remembered yesterday how miserable my life is.
I walked outside at night while crying and nobody cared at all. How lonely my world is.
I cried in my room while cutting my wrist and I felt the emotional pain rather than the physical pain.
Right now I feel like I can jump from a rooftop or be hit by a truck. Even though I always feel miserable all these years, I feel like I have the courage to die now. I don’t really get why I don’t deserve a happy life.
Please let me die. Living another day scares me more
My child is relentlessly bullied by 1 black kid at his school. I say his race because it is why he is immune to any type of discipline, like suspension and so on. That one kid does employ of few other kids as his henchmen randomly, but he is the “man”.
Nothing can be done do to the Racial Equity Policies set up to insure BAD kids remain and good kids get punished. Assault, harassment on all levels including sexual, theft, constant intimidations, barging into classes, in the middle of class to deliver hate notes to my child, and so on. Displaying PORNOGRAPHIC images and videos in class on his personal Cellphone to other 6th graders. Reported, next day, kid had his phone like nothing was up. But Its been all year, the incidents have been reported, reported, and reported, to the school, to the district, and this kid hasn’t missed a beat, just keeps upping the rhythm.
The school walls are just DRIPPING with all types of anti bullying propaganda like “BE A BUDDY NOT A BULLY” that isn’t doing jack, or shit but enraging me further when I come in because of a HORRIBLY FAILING RACIST POLICY that only makes sure that prison populations, and VICTIM populations will continue to go up. If you fear no consequence or judgment, have no respect for any type of authority, that is the end game anyway for this particular demographic.
The propaganda is frustrating to see EVERYTIME I go in to talk to an assistant vice principal, that doesn’t care, and a non existent principal, who seems she always has something else going on that she can’t attend the meetings. There have been 4 this semester alone.
Nothing will be done until white kids in that school, like mine, start misbehaving more. Which they very well may or not, I would, if I was always under attack and NO ONE in a place of authority did anything about it… sooner or later they are going to lash out. And then they will be called racists. Like the teachers are called RACIST when they try to discipline them.
We are all just so fucking racist. oh yes, so racist. Thats why I didn’t hesitate to help out my neighbor who lost her daycare and desperately needed emergency cheap daycare. That was 4 years ago, she has the cheapest daycare in this city. I walk out and make sure he gets on the bus, and meet him every day at his bus for the past 4 years too, so fuck off with your racism. Oh, he is black by the way. for some reason I didn’t hate him. I’m selectively Racist apparently.
Piled on top of injustice after injustice that is forced on my innocent child, and the OTHER innocent children. 1 kid acts up in class, 29 kids that did NOTHING get punished. The bad one gets to sit in a special chair for a minute and runs out at the bell. Forcing the 29 to take the punishment of being held in class so they are ALL late, and ALL have to run like hell to their next class, all because they did nothing!!!!! But follow the rules. The bad kid, he’ll be found wandering the hallway like a fucking rock star. The power he must feel. what a rush.
My kid is a straight A student and his teachers love him. but he’s white, so he’s a racist, and he has white privilege to blame for all that positivity, and hard work he and his parents put in to ensure those grades stay As. We can’t win because we are racists. I have had nothing to do with anything against any other race. I don’t promote hate, but the more tolerance and love I show, it comes back to me in the form of illogical and confused selfishly driven blind hate. I’m stuck in a rage loop, everything is corrosive. Reached out to parents, hand slapped back. Reached out to the school..”nothing we can do”.
My existence is being pushed into hate, frustration, rage, I get paralyzed by it because I cant follow through with what they are starting, I refuse to. Like the way the schools think punishing 29 good kids because 1 kid decided to act up, the 29 can’t punish the kid that is acting up, the school, under privacy policies here, won’t tell the parents. So nothing will change, other than changing those 29 good kids into the 1 shit kid. This policy applies everywhere, only economic status’s are the dividers in schools where there is little to no racial diversity.
Why protect those that DO NOT DESERVE PROTECTION!?? Why protect those that INTENTIONALLY HURT others? and ENJOY HURTING OTHERS???? Like really enjoy it, I’ve seen these same kids harassing a child to the point of crying. The children just laughed at this kid. I know it isn’t a race thing, its just they are apparently trained to enjoy making others miserable, or are being abused at home and acting out on others. But they really enjoy it whatever the cause. Once they get the desired reaction of pain. They danced and sang all around em. its insanity.
Then you have the mindless parents saying “oh kids just being kids” no, unchecked, unparented, unguided kids, enjoying the torture their peers and other people, isn’t just “being kids”. That is the breeding ground for everything that is wrong with our society today.. locally.
Simple parenting, guidance and instructions on HOW to live in a civil society would help. But No parent wants to talk about it. They are either SCARED, like me, or just don’t give a shit, OR think everything is FINE. As lone as we have these policies things will continue to get worse. Theres my rant, what a waste of time.
.. I’m so empty. Some talk to fill the space within. Some eat. Others listen to music. Maybe hang around with familiar strangers; go to drink and dance. My belly’s so full I don’t feel empty inside. So sleepy, so tired… soo alone.. I’ve turned 19 today. No longer a boy right? Still alone. Still afraid to be loved but oh how much I need somebody to embrace me. How much I want to embrace a girl and protect it. How afraid I am to love.. NO; I’m afraid of not being loved in return. I want to chain a girl and make sure she is mine. Such desperate thoughs are born from my fears. So close with people yet so far away. Don’t go away. I thought we were closer Don’t break my dream. My wish. Blow the candles and hope that all die. Or maybe just me…
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER??
> I think about killing myself every day. Sleeping is hard when you know tomorrow you are going to feel the exact same.
STOP PRETENDING YOU CARE
YOU DONT CARE, ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS TALK ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND AS IF IT DOESNT HURT ME
(im emptying my emotional bank right now, my ex is asking me if im ok, vapid ****)
SHUT THE FUCK UP. STOP TALKING TO ME. EVERYTIME YOU TEXT ME OR SEE ME IT HURTS.
IM TOO NICE TO TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF, STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU NEED TO TALK ITS ALWAYS ABOUT HOW BAD YOUR DAY/WEEK/MONTH IS GOING
SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU HAVE A JOB, A LOVING FAMILY, AND THE SOCIAL LIFE OF A FUCKING CELEBRITY. NOT TO MENTION MY REPLACEMENT.
(im not devaluing her feelings im just pouring mine out, dont judge)
THATS HOW YOU INTRODUCED HIM. YOU INTRODUCED HIM AS ANOTHER VERSION OF ME. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT THE GIRL I LOVE MOVED ONTO A SHITTIER VERSION OF ME
(not that i think im the shit or anything, im quite humble. its just that hes me except an ugly fucking sadboy)
2 WEEKS AFTER WE BROKE UP NO LESS. JUST ADMIT YOU ARE COPING. JUST ADMIT THAT YOU DONT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ME
JUST ADMIT THAT YOU ONLY ASK ME HOW IM DOING BECAUSE ITS POLITE
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
> I made a hitlist and your replacement for me is right at the top
GET FUCKED WHORE
LIFE IS BETTER WHEN I FORGET YOU EXIST
LIFE IS BETTER WHEN I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT AS WELL AS MY SHIT
>boo hoo petty highschool drama, weh weh weh my boyfriend doesnt understand how i feel
GOOD I HOPE YOU TOO BROKE UP BUT YOU WOULD PROBABLY JUST HOP ON THE NEXT COCK
FUCKING WHOOORE FUCKING WHOOOOOORE ASDFUIFnko;sdg|
HOW AM I DOING? HOW AM I DOING?
IM FUCKING HOMOCIDAL WHORE, UNDERSTAND?
TOO SELF AWARE TO SHOOT KIDS BUT NOT SELF AWARE ENOUGH TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT
IM JUST SOME EDGY ****** SHITLORD
FUCK YOU HUMAN GENOCIDE NOW
>why does everyone keep saying you are depressed, why dont you just tell me?
GET FUCKED WHORE YOU DONT DESERVE THE TRUTH. I DONT TRUST YOU.
I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND PRETEND TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE SONG YOU AND MY REPLACEMENT ARE WRITING
IT SOUNDS LIKE SHIT FUCK YOUR DEMO
FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR WHOLE EXISTENCE
FUCK THIS SMALL TOWN AND EVERYONE IN IT
THE ONLY TIME I DONT FEEL LIKE A WEEDED OUT KILLER ZOMBIE DRAGGING MYSELF ALONG EVERYDAY LIFE IS AT 3 OCLOCK IN THE MORNING
BECAUSE I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH FUCKING FUCKS LIKE ALL OF YOU
MY NIGHTWALKS ARE THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME TRULY ALIVE
THAT AND THE FACT THAT MY FUCKING PARENTS HAVE SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY ON ME TO WASTE IT LIKE THAT|
FUCKING FUCK SHIT **** PISS BREATH FUCKER
I HATE YOU BUT IF I WERE TO SAY THAT IT WOULD DESTROY YOUR EGO
I HAVE TO PRETEND TO CARE SO YOU DONT SPIN OUT YOU FUCKING BPD ****
DENSE FUCKING *****
DENSE ASS ************
YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME, MY HOBBIES, MY LIFE, MY FAMILY
STOP FUCKING ASKING
IM JUST ANOTHER PLACE FOR YOU TO DOWNLOAD YOUR SHITTY INSECURITIES AS IF YOU DIDNT HAVE A BILLION ALREADY BECAUSE EVERYBODY LOVES YOU
***** GET FUCKED
IF I REALLY WANTED TO I COULD GET YOU TO SUCK MY DICK
IF I REALLY WANTED TO I COULD GET WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANTED FROM YOU
THE PROBLEM IS THAT I DONT FUCKING WANT THAT BECAUSE I WOULD FALL BACK IN LOVE AND YOU WOULD BREAK MY FUCKING HEART AGAIN
STUPID WHORE WHY DO I LOVE YOU
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU DONT SPEAK TO ME
but at the end of the day i know the next time you text me and say how shitty your week was, i will text back “oh really? that sucks.. you need to vent?”
CUS IM A STUPID FUCK AND I LIKE TORTURING MYSELF. FUCKING JESUS CHRIST FUCK SHIT
and i will sit there groaning and rolling around in my chair, wanting to gouge my eyes out every time you mention how you cant sleep and how hard work is
AND I WONT SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE IM A WEAK SHITFACE ****. WHY CANT I PULL SOME ALPHA SHIT AND JUST GET YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
and when you ask how im doing i wont answer, again. for the 5th time in a row, or i will make up some shit “oh yeah im allright, school is a ***** but hey im fine”
FUCKING SHIT FUCK PISS ***** **** FUCKER WHORE SLUT RETARD ************
************ ************ ************
I STILL CARE THOUGH SOMEHOW SOMEHOW THROUGH ALL OF THIS I STILL CARE HOW YOU FEEL
i still love you, dense ****. stop talking about your problems to me and run them through your perfect replacement.
all i want is to forget you exist.
Driving home from my psych doc last Friday my car broke down on the interstate. It cost $300.00 to get it towed to my mechanic (my doc is a 2-hour drive). That same day I received a bill for $3,500 for my last stay in a psych unit. This morning I found out the engine is toast. I tried to buy another used car and guess what, I’m $300.00 short for a down payment. I don’t know how much more of this I can take…
i wish i could die like right now and then id just be alright
im such an ungrateful fuck
alright so I’ve known this person since we were kids, we were always considered “besties” because we would hang out and talk all the time, but the thing I’ve noticed about her is that sometimes she just says something so mean out of the blue?? like for no fucking reason she would insult me, and then be like jk, and we once had a fight because of this and she said that I was being dramatic, I stopped talking to her for a while until she apologized and we were “best friends” once again, but the comments never stopped, she always makes me feel so shitty about myself, if I list everything wrong with her I’d never stop, I hate her, I really do, and I have a feeling she does too, but I’m afraid that I’m overreacting and might end a friendship that lasted for a long time for nothing.
I actually do want to end this toxic friendship but idk how.. I see her every summer break and it’s just gonna be awkward as fuck when we meet, I’m lost honestly, I tried not talking to her as much because when I do I just end up getting hurt by one of her “jokes”
I mean we are still friends now only because its been so long since we’ve known each other, so it’s hard to find a way to end it now. I just want to know what those shitty comments mean.. maybe she always hated me and couldn’t stand me and I just never got the hint, I don’t really know.
Every time someone lends me something I’ll lose it. Every time someone asks me to look after something for them it becomes missing. Every time someone asks me to do something I forget.
All these people put their trust on me yet I continue to disappoint them. Why am I so useless? It’s like I can never do anything right and I always mess up and then people just loses their trust on me. Why the fuck is it always me I really don’t get it. I always tell myself to do shit properly yet it never turns out right. I just wish people don’t rely on me so much because I’ll end up disappointing them and I hate the feeling of guilt. Every time I mess up my guilt just sticks with me for a long time and it makes me feel more useless. And now I’m kind of used to it and I just don’t achieve anything. I don’t even know what I’m talking about right now.
I lack motivation to do shit. I do really bad academically and I really don’t like what I’m doing at the moment. School just makes me feel even more useless because I see all these people in my year level excel in academics. What the fuck am I doing? People get their shit together yet I can’t. I have difficulties concentrating and always end up procrastinating. I never get things done efficiently, I’m such a lazy fucking person and I fucking hate it. Why can’t I be smart like other people so I can make my parents feel proud? They pay so much money for me to go to school and yet I disappoint them with my shitty grades. I am always the one who lets people down. Why does it always have to be me. I study before exams and tests yet I still don’t get an acceptable grade. I try my absolute best in some subjects and never get anything in return, why is that? Why do I put so much effort in things and I never get what I deserve. I put so much effort in all my relationships and I don’t get anything in return. I’m always the one chasing and I’m really tired of it. I’m tired and useless and lazy.
Can someone tell me what to do because currently I lack the motivation to do shit. Heck I’m even supposed to be doing my homework right now and I’m fucking procrastinating again. Fuck I hate myself.
Alone on Valentine’s Day again, as it has been my whole life. I wish I knew how to love myself, but it’s so hard. Most of the reason I feel suicidal is because I feel unloved. I know it’s just a feeling, an illusion. I have people all around me. But I can only focus on the ones who abandon and ignore me. It’s so much easier to feel pain than gratitude. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy.
Today was my birthday…
I honestly wanted to cry the whole time I was with my dad because yet again, he forgot about my birthday.
I do so much for him and I just feel like he doesn’t appreciate the things I do for him… It’s been hard for both of us because we aren’t close as we used to.
I shouldn’t feel down because I had friends and other family members sticking around saying ‘happy birthday’
I’m just glad I made it into another year… I just need to keep pushing myself and not give up like last time
Also, I wanna thank the person I adore…
Thank you for being there and for giving me all the love I could possibly ask for.
I hope to see you again soon.
I think I’ve reached my breaking point when it comes to forming relationships with people. My head feels so heavy, like thick black concrete forming a toxic sludge. No matter how much people tell me they care about me I can’t help but not feel that care. I can’t help but feel that they like someone else better, that I’ll alway be second best. I can’t help but think I will just die alone. I knew that if I were to just die today only my family would cry. And of course, I love my family. I am grateful for them. But there is something seriously wrong if they are they only ones recognizing your worth. I just want to disappear so I don’t have to plague anyone with my existence ever again.
As I sit here, listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, my cold hands trying to remember the placement of letters on the keyboard– I contemplate death.
I want it to end. For too long I have sustained this shell without hope, happiness and peace. It’s hard-living. I am what people in my country would call comfortably-off. I have a job that I hate. It’s going nowhere. My ambition to live up to my potential isn’t going to work. I can feel it. And I hate it. But to be fair, I hate most things. I hate people, I hate the way they are petty and jealous, greedy, dishonest. And I include myself in all these categories. I have tried to rise above it, maybe not let it affect me so much, but it keeps coming back. You climb a mountain only to see a hundred others have risen in its place. It’s struggle after struggle, challenge after challenge, problem after problem… I hate it.
I don’t know if it happens with other people but whenever I am surrounded by people, I feel drained of energy. Their presence is literally like a thousand needles shooting through my body. Being alone can be a relief but it is short-lived.
I got married recently. For some people, the euphoria doesn’t wear off for a long time. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t even joyous on the day I got married.
Perhaps I was always too sensitive. Ever since I was a child, I couldn’t handle my emotions. So I did what anyone else would do to survive. I shut off my emotions–the pleasant ones–because I was afraid. And now, all I feel is irritation, sadness and emptiness.
I have brief moments where I feel joy but they aren’t enough to bear the burden of this senseless living and struggling.
Why live, what for?
In the end, it all ends. Even those who think history will remember their great deeds are fooling themselves. Human history too shall be forgotten in time.
I think I am depressed. I have multiple scars from self harm. But I don’t think I will be harming myself again. It’s better to end life rather than bear marks for others to see.
Maybe I’ll starve myself to death. Maybe drug myself and slash my wrists. I don’t know what I am going to do. But it’s probably going to happen.
Thanks for reading.
I promised someone I wouldn’t kill myself.
I was a beautifully poetic moment and all. He gave me some good points as to why I shouldn’t off myself. I might have cried a little. We both got closer to each other because of it. And maybe it does make me feel a little better about myself. But looking back in it, I kinda wish I didn’t make that promise. Because now I have to commit to staying alive.
The truth is, I’d rather not be here. I rather not slog through this earth any longer than I have to. Not too long ago I looked up the average age people die of natural causes in America. Turns out it’s 81. I’m twenty-one. Another sixty fucking years of this mess. Joy.
I feel alone. Not in a literal sense. I’m not locked up in my room 24/7, refusing to go outside and interact with the world. (Although sometimes I wish I could do that.) I feel as if I’m not meant to be with anyone. Not with strangers, not with my friends, not even with my own family. Something about me is different. Something about me just doesn’t mesh right. Like I was born socially deformed. In actuality, I probably was, due to my fucking Asperger’s.
The long and short of it is, I’ve lost my sense of self. I’ll be honest, I’m possibly the most gullible idiot there is. I’ll believe anything anyone with a seemingly higher IQ level than me says. So you know, most people. I realized this was a problem when I turned 18, how I just allowed other people to shape my views of the world, and then have a literal panic attack when I’m given new apposing information, then tailoring my mindset to match that. Repeat ad nauseum. So, what did I do to fix that? Close myself off to every opinion no matter what trusted individual gives it to me effectively alienating myself politically, socially and sometimes even physically.
Now how could this mindset possibly backfire?
Well, now I’ve gotten to the point where I mentally question everything. Every mindset, every viewpoint, everything. This is especially true with politics. Unsurprisingly, I hate politics. Not offense to people who like it by the way. But for me, it’s an endless cycle of questioning, hating myself for questioning, trying to force myself to think a certain way, failing, questioning— Well, you probably get the picture. And all while this is going on, I’ve also adopted another self-destructive habit. I’ve become almost a compulsive liar, telling people things I don’t actually believe because I know that’s what they want to hear. “Are you left wing?” “Yeah.” “Are you right wing?” “Sure.” “Democrat?” “Yeah, okay.” “Republican.” “Why the fuck not.” When in actuality, I have no fucking clue what I think anymore.
It can’t possibly be other people’s fault, right? It has to be all on me. Something about me is making it so I don’t mesh with other people or groups or ideologies. Maybe it’s the autism or the depression. Maybe I’m just naturally fucked up. Whatever it is, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m stuck here. All because I made that stupid promise.
So how was you guys’ Monday?
This post is to serve as my introduction to the Suicide Project as well as a kind of flippant virtual testament.
Had I been told one year before that I would be deeply suicidal and humbled beyond all conceivable limits, I would have laughed.
It’s been exactly a year now since I last posted to this website, which is sort of weird. I like the format of it, so I desperately looked for it and finally found it!
For some BG information (if it’s helpful I guess lol ig it helps me!), I’m 16 (17 in April) and FTM but not at all out to most people close to me in my life, especially including close family. I have a history of self-harming since I was about 12 years old, and my parents became aware of it 1-2 years ago. I have stopped as of now but have relapsed a few times (not recent, but urges are sometimes present). I had an instance of CSA with a close family member, which is one of the things I feel like has been an underlying factor in me being how I am now, although it wasn’t much of an instance of sexual abuse so I feel like it’s more dramatic of me to mention than anything.
Both sides of my family also have a history of mental illness; I have never been to a prof. counselor but I’ve talked to my school counselor sometimes. I feel that I should again soon, but last time I thought would be the last as my counselor emailed my mom. I don’t think she ever saw the email, so I have awkwardly remained silent about it and nothing’s happened since.
Anyways, to the main point – I’m in pretty great need of some sort of counseling, but my mom especially is not understanding of it. She doesn’t think I need it that much. However, lately I think I’ve been worse and better at the same time.
I made a promise to my boyfriend (he lives 2 states away, we have met several times irl) some time ago to not drink in any circumstances, but I’ve broken it several times. Since yesterday I was pressured into it by some family + friends, but I could have denied it so it’s all on me. I just like to try and take the blame less. As a result my bf has proposed we don’t talk much at all this week, which I think is a good idea so we can focus on ourselves. I feel bad for worrying him so much and saying I’d not do something only to do it anyways multiple times.
As of now I’m debating on if I should bring something up to my parents or try to talk to my counselor again (kinda awkward…). My school life is going okay, so I think I’ll try to focus on that more as well and try to talk to my friends a lot more. I can’t really think of anything else for now, except for that my appetite has been a lot worse today. Reasonably, I view this as a bad thing, but in other cases it’s good. I have been trying to lose weight, and I have, but it’s been very slow as I give in to some foods. I think in relation to this it goes to show how hard I have been on my bf. I don’t remember why I was so stressed one time, I think he was unhappy with me or I was under that impression. So after I ate more than I would have liked, I made myself throw up. I haven’t done it again since but I am really just concerned for some of my behavior in times of stress. I feel like the only person I can reach out to is my boyfriend, which in turn causes him more stress.
I think if anything I need to get my impulses under control. Very badly. I need to stop losing motivation and ignore the feeling that I’m just going to fail no matter what and that I’ll be lost for the longest time. Or that I won’ be accepted for my identity, or whatever – even if I’m not, it does comfort me that it’s my own life. But it’s so scary at the same time. These things try to encourage me when I’m even a little suicidal, but I guess they haven’t done me in yet.
I think it’s at least good for me to say things like this if I’m not going to get other help, so for now I hope this suffices and that I don’t sound too selfish or anything. Thanks if you read this all, for whatever reason. I hope whatever’s going on with everyone’s life will end up okay. I am going to try to find things to distract me from all these negative feelings I surround myself with.
I didnt have a father figure growing up. I had a Dad, but he wasnt a father. He was more interested in womanizing and food. My mother was a lot like the people here; very sad all the time, hurt herself a lot, wanted to die.
I’m my own responsibility, and I understand that. At the same time, I wonder how this effected the way I turned out?
Even at the age of 21 I can’t find people who like me. I’m unlikeable and I guess I need to accept that. I’ve only found one person who understands me, understands my mental issues and I believe he hates me. I feel like I lost him after what I said. I had to tell him the truth so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. I just ended up hurting him. I feel like I’ll never find someone like that who understands me again. Not even my closest friend does. But I believe he hates me as well. Oh well.. time to walk down the lonely road… again.