Have you ever been so in love it changes your entire perception on romance, life and the point of existing? I mean why bother with something that you have no control over especially when it involved two people. It isn’t like you can force the other person to reciprocate the exact same feelings that you have. Love is a funny thing, it can either make you happiest person alive or it can make you want to tear your soul into a million pieces. I guess it depends on what type of relationship you are in, although even the best of relationships can turn sour at […]
Category:
Rants
I find myself running in circles more often than not. I find myself giving myself away, again and again and again….always to the wrong people. I find I care too much because I am always trying to live for someone else. I find myself alone, even when, I am in a room full of people.
There is no action that I can make that will equal an opposite reaction; for all my actions only end up one way….heartbreak.
I’ve given all I can, I have tried all I dare to try any longer. I am not wanted, I am not loved, I am a human that […]
My aunty is visiting me before I leave for college, and she is the prettiest of my mom’s siblings because she uses the most makeup and she is the “beauty expert”. The only downside to this is that she cares way too much about her looks and comments on other peoples’ too. I was at the mall with her today with one of my other family members, and she kept talking about how much smaller she is than I am, yet she still has more than double my breast size. She kept saying comments during dinner (we ate saucy chicken wings from her favorite restaurant) about […]
So i was enjoying myself single for the first time in five years and forntje for time ever I was able to change out with the girls not caring about serving cleaning looking good impersing some one ..but in turn into a night of people telling me to just go back to my ex . my family are apparently holding me hostage. So when I bring up my ex’s girl friend while where married no one believes me. They just look at me as a ungrateful little girl and like I’m dirt because I dint stay for the abuse . on top of no one […]
I’m so sorry guys, you wished me luck and I failed. I’m so so sorry, I’m a disaster.
They sent me an e-mail that said I failed, they didn’t even put the scores I got, just this monotonous “You have not passed”.
What irks me the most is that they told me the test contents, and I studied a lot those. But in the test they didn’t ask a single question of all of that. Nothing!! Just a lot of number theory that (of course) I couldn’t do because I’m so stupid.
What was I thinking? Someone like me, finally getting something good. To be finally free from […]
God. Next week I’m going to try to get out of the house to pay my remaining library fee so I can transfer out of my college. Maybe go to another one and enroll. Try is huge word here. I’m gonna need mental preparation.
I am so scared. I’m just thinking of everything. Chances are, I’m going to meet someone I know and they’re gonna ask me why I suddenly disappeared off the grid (if they noticed and cared enough) and I wouldn’t know how to answer. I used to be part of an organization, see. Let me just call it a sorority or fraternity.
You know […]
I am in so much fucking pain right now. And I have to work today. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fucking walk. My back pain is excruciating and I feel short of breath. My ribs keep popping and sliding. I can hardly move at times. I should have gone to the doctor years ago. It’s never gotten this bad, though. Pretty sure it’s scoliosis. Fuck me. Wai.
Took some hydroxozine so hopefully I’ll be able to sleep. It’s just so difficult without Anthony around. He’s asleep right now and he didn’t answer my calls. I needed someone to take my mind of […]
I figured a way out. I can’t even articulate everything right now. I can’t even share a meme on facebook without him going off on his bullshit that he’s the only person no one wants, only he can’t get a date, only he gets rejected at every turn, only he feels the pain! So you know what!? I’m not on this earth to be shit on! I’m sick of being told that I don’t have feelings, that I don’t feel pain, and I’m an absolute nobody that doesn’t count! And he doesn’t get it at all!! He thinks I’m fine because “I’m stronger than I […]
i feel like no one at school would care or notice if i killed myself. i think the people that used to know me would only thing “she finally got what she wanted, I’m glad i got out when i did”. some would make fun of me. but no one would be upset or miss me. i am hated by few and noticed by even less. some say I’m not trying hard enough. but right now. i would rather kill my self. no one would cry, but isn’t that just what we want?
i haven’t cut in a long time but i don’t think i can […]
I found something out yesterday that completely ripped my heart out. My wife divorced me a year and a half ago and i didnt know why until now. It seems my ( best friend lol ) was going to talk to and check on my wife and family while i was out of town for work without me knowing. This guy had a successful trucking business, a wife, kids, plus come to find out, a girlfriend and kids with her. So why interfere with my life. I lost everything because of this. My home, my vehicles, my Harley, but most importantly […]
today was my first day of school. i saw the people i loved, except they all hate me. the one person i hang with won’t think twice to make me look stupid if i say anything bad. all i can do is smile. because if i don’t they will judge me, they will know I’m not okay then they will win. but holding a smile when your about to tear your face off is hard. today one of my old friends, i went to sit with them and she said “she couldn’t do it anymore”. she was sitting by herself away from people, the only […]
People tell me talking about my problems helps the healing process to being. I’m skeptical, but willing to try almost anything to get me to stop thinking these thoughts. Let me begin by telling a little bit about myself. I’m a male, 28, and an independent fundamental baptist. I don’t tell anyone what I’m feeling or thinking; the fact I’m doing this is extremely uncharacteristic of me. I’ve been having these suicidal thoughts for at least a decade (since high school) with on and off degrees of intensity. My most common prayer is that God will kill me during the night, I don’t think he’ll […]
Mom friend, only a year older than me surprisingly, has helped me more than anyone has in certain ways. Taking me shopping, giving me rides, paying my high school summer classes so I can graduate. I am ungrateful. I really almost fucked up.
I am taking summer classes in order to graduate high school and I almost fucked up. Today was the due date, but technically, I have until Sunday. Damage is done, though. I told her I wouldn’t make it, told her I’d pay her back, then she dropped me. Told me to buy her $200 jeans to make up for it. Then Anthony called […]
I’ve been on this site for a awhile now, but I just created an account and I guess this is where I’ll send my goodbyes to the world…
The past three days I was supposed to commit suicide. It ended up not happening, it almost did last night but my boyfriend ended up just talking to me like usual and I felt guilty for going to leave and have our last conversation be so boring. the two days before that I had set every detail in place, I’ve cleaned my room to the T and printed out all my suicide letters. I finished a lot of […]
Rage is what I’ve been feeling since my dad visited two weeks ago. One month without talking to me or trying to reach out. The hardest month yet. The month I started my antidepressants. The month I constantly called him, remembering that he had promised me to be there for me, even if it was 2:00 am. One night, it was 2:00 am and I was holding all of my medication in my hands. It was painful. There was a war inside my head. Trying to die is mentally painful. I called him 10 times. Voicemail every time.
I was crying, of course. I don’t hold […]
My parents never talked to me and dismissed my problems because they are too perfect for their kid to have flaws I guess. I am a weird kid. I never kissed a girl, never had friends, never had a childhood and I guess I never grew out of it.
A new employee at work is a girl who is the friendliest person I ever met. On her first day she introduced herself to me and she seemed genuinely interested about me and she was smiling. She always smiles. Few days later a coworker told me that she said that I’m smart and nice.
She is my cure […]
For some people, their family is the reason why they don’t commit suicide. For others, it’s the reason why they want to so desperately.
Personally I hate the idea of belonging to a family. I’ve hated it for a long time. Everything was fine when I was a kid but now my mom resents me for not wanting to live with her anymore. She thinks she understands me but she really doesn’t. She doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions and claims that bringing me into this world was out of her control. She’s a nice person but frankly she deserves what she says she […]
Tired of going over this. I’ve been paying $640 a month on an $1125 rent which split 3 ways (as there are 3 adults living here) would be $375 per person and all utilities are included in rent. Why the fuck should I be paying more than half when I only work part time and struggle and honestly can’t pay my taxes or student loans because of one person’s selfish fucking greed in not wanting to pay their part of only $375 per month???! It adds up to $265 per month I’ve overpaid and $2385 overpayment since I’ve been staying here. I STARVE and go without […]
I decided to look up bands I’m currently listening to tour dates. Placebo is on a 20 year anniversary tour, not promoting a new album but a world tour celebrating its fans so they have hinted to even playing songs that have been retired from their set list for 10 years like Nacncy Boy and Pure Morning. Due to my mothers taste in music and pushing her interest onto me which is the few positives I can look back to and proudly appreciate, I’ve been a fan since the days of owning ‘Without You I’m Nothinh’ on cassette.
After touring Europe they will make their way […]
Tell me…
Am I useful to this world?
I mean, from what I see, i’m useless.
So I’m here to rant about myself.
I’m unaccepted, i was never able to be super comfortable in a group of friends.
I’m troublesome, i’ve always caused my parents a lot of trouble. It’s to the point where i blame myself about my father’s heart attack about one and a half year from now.
I’m an accident, my parents never planned me out. i almost killed my mother when i was born. i’ve been called ‘adopted’ a million of times throughout my short time of living.
I’m mentally suicidal, if that made any sense at all, […]