So, someone wrote a post about “Window Shopping” the other day, and it got me thinking. I had this track I recorded lying around and decided to speak some words to it. Thanks for the inspiration! It’s a rough cut, but it helped me through the moment.

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Window-Shopping.m4a

I am supposed to choose something

Anything, just not nothing

But I prefer the window-shopping

I get too overwhelmed by the options

It isn’t just tradeoffs, or give and take

There is so much more at stake

Pick what you want, but it might break

Then pay in time and tears for your fate

Imagine it’s a bomb that I’m meant to defuse

And I have to […]

Every day it gets worse and worse, not quickly though… slow, like an hour glass that seems to never end but it does, just so slowly that it seems like it never changes.

Some days I don’t think of it too much, other days are a nightmare and other days at it’s worst i cut. When I’m alone its at it’s worst and yet when I’m alone is the only time I don’t feel alone… if that makes sense, its like when I’m around other people I feel more alone than ever because no one understands, no one wants to know or care and I don’t […]

over it

I think about killing myself every day. The things I’ve done. The things people have done to me. My life. I have no home, I couch surf to random people, exs who’ve hurt me but I’m so lonely I don’t even care. Too selfish to remember what I’ve done to them. I’ve cheated. I’ve lied. I hate myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am in so much debt. I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago and almost died. I wish today that I would have. Or maybe I am and am already in hell.

i was gonna do it weeks ago. but something, someone stopped me, canceled out the pain, but now, they’re all i can think about and if im not thinking about them im struck down by stomachaches to the point of nausea, of crying. i know i will never see them again. they dont even know my name. i want to do it, but im just so confused rn idk like i just dont know

I’m sorry it’s a tad long but please read?

So I managed to stumble across ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ roughly five days ago, and, although I vaguely knew what it was, I wasn’t entirely sure. As curiosity would have it, I looked up the definition and symptoms. And after reading the list on multiple sites, I’m beginning to feel like something like this may be what’s wrong with me.

Now I hate it when people self-diagnose, and this is pretty much the same as that, but I am genuinely concerned yet don’t want to self-diagnose. For one, I don’t want to have a mental illness (the hospital tried […]

I have tried suicide so many times and ended up in hospital, but all i want is for the pain to stop, my ex boyfriend to leave me alone, he is the reason i’m in this mess, killing my baby and beating me up, breaking my bones and my heart. scars and nightmares is all i have now, and i just want to be better and feel better but i cant. he turns up and beats 50 shades of shit out of me, and all i can do is smile and pretend nothing is going on. when i feel like i need to tell someone […]

I always wanted to kill myself ever since my dad got lung cancer and passed when I was 10. But the thoughts of suicide got worse when I started to get bullied in school at 11. Every year it got worse and worse. I started to cut myself and snap rubber bands on my wrist till they bled. I never felt good enough for anybody. I always felt out of place. I’m twenty now and working. But I began to get bullied there too for being skinny. Its not just the bullying that bothers me, its being single and lonely. I’ve been used […]

I feel like I need to share my whole story with someone and this forum seems very welcoming. So, hello everyone! Name is Sam, I am a 23 year old from south west UK working as a PA.

I am 8 weeks into treatment for Depression however I am not sure how effective the medicine is as I still feel like I want and need to die.

I first suffered from depression aged 13, I had no friends at school, my dad had severe ME and was signed off work. My mum was under massive pressure to care for my dad and work full time to provide […]

Okay. I’m over 6 weeks clean at the moment but I feel very down since a couple of days… And everytime I think about how I can get out of this mood, I see my blade in front of me and my wrist begins to burn… It’s very hard and I don’t know what I should do… I love my blade too much..

I hate myself. I hate my mind. I hate how it warps my sources of happiness into sources of anguish. All of the people and passions that made life worth living now make life unbearable. I can’t trust anyone, not because I’ve been hurt, but because I am paranoid and afraid. I don’t want to disappoint them or make them hate me. Because my mind is so twisted, I will take their most minute actions and scrutinize them…fabricate reasons why they might hate and despise me. I tell myself my family only stays with me out of pity. I tell myself that former friends are […]

This question has been really eating at me for many years now. I can remember myself way younger in 3rd grade asking myself the very question. I don’t talk about my thoughts or feelings to anyone, I have tried and been met with many different counter perspectives, but never one that actually saw what I see. I have had all the conversations already and know exactly how those around me feel, so I tend to keep my mouth shut as I don’t want to talk about it again and again.

But this morning I asked my dad what his purpose for living is. I’ve been thinking […]

My wife committed suicide.  No warning. My mum committed suicide. My brother died. I have nothing. My mum was ten years ago, my brother five. My wife one month. I have a father I don’t talk to. I have nothing. I have fantasies everyday  about killing myself and having the same funeral as my wife but it turns out I don’t have the balls. All I think about is killing myself. I am going to goto the doctor and get stilnox or tamazepan. How much do I need? Please help me get out of this easily. I’m 30 and just live to die

I’m so sick of having to live up to expectations. I’m 16, doesn’t that mean I should be able to live a little? My parents have all of these standards for me like just because I’m Chinese and my brother is a genius doesn’t mean I am smart! Because I’m not! In fact, I have C’s and B’s and sometimes D’s and F’s, and I work my ass off to get them. Just because my brother didn’t have a social life doesn’t mean I can’t step foot out the door more than once a weekend. Yes I drink. Yes I smoke weed. I’m in high […]

2o14 has been the worst year of my life.  My psycho girlfriend miscarried our child in the beginning of this year and I have never been the same.  I’ve gone from being a social, funny, out going guy, to someone who stays away from everyone and doesn’t want to do anything anymore.  I tried doing nursing in college, which is what I really wanted to do, but failed out and am going for a degree in criminal justice with intent to be a police officer, but I don’t have the best past which might keep me from being one and I’ll end up wasting my […]

Lately I have been thinking, I am not the person I used to be. The fact that I can’t get it out of my head makes me so fucking sad. I think back at the person I used to be and now that things have changed… Many, many things have changed. It makes me so mad and depressed about it. It sucks too because I just want to not think about it. But they won’t leave. I can’t think of any way to stop thinking than to just “stop existing.” Because why else should I even be here, if I am just going to keep […]

I’m out on 100,000 dollar bail right now. I’m facing a home invasion charge in Illinois which is a class x felony. The punishment if convicted is a minimum 6 to 30 years in the department of corrections. I am facing a death sentence. These alleged charges are total bullshit but regardless of the outcome I will come out the other side 10,000 dollars in debt from lawyers. I am 22 years old. For all intents and purposes This situation is going to cost me 6-30 years of my life. The courts are a mockery of justice in illinois. they are courts of conviction not […]

I’m a 15 year old female and I can’t do this anymore. I’ve destroyed everyone’s life. I’ve bullied others and I’ve done selfish and terrible things. I hate who I am. I don’t wish to live on this earth any longer. My family has been torn apart recently and I can’t take anymore of who I am or the twisted ness of where I came from. I’m going to kill myself. I feel like there is nothing left.

I feel guilty hating my life like I do. I’m what most people would consider successful, but what I consider a complete and utter failure.

All I’ve ever wanted to be is a wife and mother, yet at almost 35, I’ve never even had a boyfriend. I’ve failed at what’s supposed to be the most natural thing of all, love. I have no one to talk to about this, because no one would understand. I think about killing myself most hours of the day, and no one I know would believe me if I told them that. I’ve become very good at faking my life, so […]

Whenever my boyfriend doesn’t text me back because of his internet I get depressed really easy. It’s been a day and a few hours since the last time I spoke with him. He told me if I ever felt the need to cut myself again to message him. I did and he never answered back because of his internet. So I broke my promise again and I cut myself for the first time in 2 weeks. I miss him so much, I’m in love with him. I don’t want to loose him, I don’t want him running off because of me. I know I’m annoying, […]