🙂 I can’t do anything. I can’t take antidepressants either cause they scramble my brain, and it’s possible that I have a personality disorder and I was told that’s what happens to people with PD’s who take antidepressants. 🙂 Natural crap won’t work. This is one of those cases where I NEED the chemical reset because the case is so extremely and deeply ingrained in my brain that I can’t have life otherwise. And yet, salvation eludes me. 🙂 I don’t even know what it feels like to be capable to work a job because I’ve been like this for so long… I can’t imagine […]

The 10 Happiest Countries in the World
https://www.cntraveler.com/gallery/the-10-happiest-countries-in-the-world

1. Finland. For the fourth year in a row, Finland is number one when it comes to happiness.
2. Denmark. Denmark remained in the number two spot this year. …
3. Switzerland. …
4. Iceland. …
5. Netherlands. …
6. Norway. …
7. Sweden. …
8. Luxembourg. …
9. New Zealand
10. Austria

Damnit, why wasn’t I born in any of those countries? -_-

So tired of being depressed and miserable.
So tired of being tired…

I want to be dead right now. I should be dead right now.

I was going to jump….. Someone came along.

I was going to hang myself…… But each time got interrupted and had to undo the knot.

This was another one of those mornings. I should be dead right now. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to keep doing this.

It feels like everyone is behind me pushing while my feet are dug in and I’m just trying to make it stop.

I tried again. After 15 years. Only this time, I messed up and gave myself horrible brain damage. Feels like everything is happening in slow motion and my hands shake so I miss everything I’m reaching for. I’m starting to think death isn’t even real anymore. I can’t manage to kill myself no matter how hard I try. What if instead of dying we just end up somewhere else like Hamlet said? I’m hopeless though so I’ve given up on living at the same time I’m not dead. I guess I’m just living in the past. Living in the pretend when that girl still loved […]

I’ve been trying to practice keeping my head down for the last few weeks. No news, no social media, nothing to ADD negativity. Then, unavoidably it seems, I return to my old ways. I try to interact…. and my filter for grief, which is how most things appear to me, is dark humor. I like to laugh at death, all the more when it appears to be coming right at me.

So, I made a joke about tragedy, and it did not go over well… apparently “in poor taste”, you know what I think is in poor taste? Having a world so tragic and awful that […]

On one hand I know I am not good for you, I don’t bring you happiness or anything good: on the flip side, you love me too much and I’m afraid that you would kill yourself if I left

It’s hard to not believe that people are laughing at me…

All the so called ‘weak’ people in society get mocked, ridiculed and even bullied. But sometimes it’s more subtle, like… deep down others won’t like you. But they don’t show it.

Why bother trusting people? Don’t do that!

As always, miserable.

where we had easy access to suicide- where everyone who wanted to die could- what would that world look like?

i understand its “what best” but why must i? its what you want not what i want. its my life. its my body. why do you get to decide what i do with it?

I desperately want to go back in time, and be somebody different. Live a different life where none of this ever happened. But that’s not an option. If that version of me were ever possible, it’s long dead now. There is only the future. But I have no clue what to do from here. I’m so fucked up in my mind, my personality, how I relate to people. There’s this terrible side to me and most of the time it’s in the driving seat. And I love it and I hate it, all at the same time. It feels amazing one moment and awful the […]

Life has always felt overwhelming to me. I have on and off struggled with suicidal thoughts for about 15 years. Often I don’t have thoughts of suicide but just a strong feeling of wishing I was dead. That I didn’t have to deal with life anymore. That someone will hit me while I’m driving in my car or I’ll get sick. Life just seems so hard for me. It’s always been that way. On the outside I’m a high achiever but internally even the smallest things, just functioning as a “normal” adult, feel like so much work. I feel like the world we live in […]

1- I need more money. A guaranteed enough amount so I don’t have to worry about how I can afford this or that, or go out and do this or that.
2- I need real friends. I need love (a significant other). I need people that actually care about me.

3- If I have the money and means, my health would improve. I still won’t be anywhere near 100% but it would be much better (talking about physical health here, not even talking mental health).

Right now it’s a circle of depression- bc I’m sick, I can’t make money/more money. […]

I’m looking for a way to spend my time that doesn’t involve others. Something online. I have offline options but I need something to do while I’m just sitting here.

This is a couple of the very few things that I do.

https://www.sadanduseless.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcjhYlL1WRBjKaJsMH_h7Lg

What do you guys do that doesn’t involve others?

i had a great opportunity to make world a better place some time ago.

I failed. Im a failure. My entire life is a shit. I dont like my life and never did.

I want to die.

Im thinking on a way to do it.

I cant bear anymore, the pain and pretend to everyone I like to be here.

In the near distant future, AI hijacks the minds of people. We become the product, where ads are sold to us because we are the product. Where our time is the resource of the elite’s money. Where we predate people’s time through addictive social media. Through GMO’s and artifical flavors. Where in the natural world, we would die of natural causes. In the reality of the world, this isn’t the case. So many people are dying premature deaths. Suicides rates are up. Half of the U.S. has pre-diabetes. 1 in 4 Americans have some type or mental illness. 1 in 3 children are on foodstamps. […]

i don’t want to give this life up but i also don’t want to continue it either. maybe i should just lie in bed and wait until things get worse. that way the choice will be easier once my life finally falls apart.

Yesterday I felt like trash, but I think I am getting better after all. I’m not sure if it’ll all be reset this winter, who knows. Although whenever I see anyone close to me I’ll think of their reaction after my death, for the first time in years, I can actually talk about the future, my future. For the first time in years, in the flash of a second, I genuinely saw myself in the future: miserable, but still alive. 20,30,40,50,60. For a second I genuinely wanted to live. As frightening as it is, I won’t quit for now, I am scared of the reaction […]