I think I’ve run out of the capacity to feel. I feel so empty inside nowadays. I’ve quit some unhealthy habits in my life yet I still feel no different. I’ve lost my ambition; I complete my schoolwork more out of a lack of interest in anything else but I never really feel like I’m taking anything else in. I’ve stopped caring about my health and my relationships. I keep my head in sports and other hobbies but it all feels so half assed. I’ve started drinking heavily, my first time in while since I found other means of high. I don’t worry too much […]
To The Person That I Mirrored Myself
Despite the fact that I am fully aware of what is going on in your life, your inspirational and motivational messages captivated me. I admire your ways of dealing with life because I don’t. Four years ago, I was in your shoes. I am a goal-oriented person who is concerned with the future and success. I was a “church girl” who read scriptures always and prayed three times a day, till […]
I know this is a place to post about suicide attempts, but I’ve been feeling so down recently. I don’t know if anyone will see this or care and I’m fine with that. I’m not looking for pity or reassurance. I just wanted to post it so it’s not stuck in my head.
This year has undoubtedly been my hardest ever, as I’m sure it has been for a lot of people. I’m 16 at the time of posting this and I don’t know if sharing this will make any difference but I don’t really know what else to do. My life has become so […]
I wish troubled people could a doctor’s help carrying out suicide. Depression is kind of like a terminal illness. I think I will eventually kill myself, but instead of doing it with privacy and dignity I have shoot myself or jump off a building. I’m wondering if it’s possible to travel to the Netherlands for euthanasia.
My partner is aware that I cut and drink poppy milk and take other ppl’s meds and eat “bad” things (rancid meat, small objects, live bugs, little chunks of my thighs, etc). And when they find out they always shrug it off and either act like it’s normal or pointedly ignore it. They let me take care of them and fuss over their health and they’ll grumble about it sure but they never point out the blatant hypocrisy. They talk about my eating habits to their internet friends like it’s a funny party trick and sometimes I’m fine with that because at least they’re not […]
Meet suicide show
I am laughing tears in my eyes continuously smiling struggling to be alive I don’t want to be alive any more more . I am feeling myself very hollow inside me anything I do I think it’s wrong or is going to go wrong because it’s in my hand.I cannot feel anything I am just like a rock just like a vegetable.Aur I am feeling everything and that is making me mad making me crazy making me very eager to kill myself.
I am just tired of everything everything of my own mistakes wrongly taken decision yes I am a loser
nobody likes losers […]
Anorexics don’t ask for help. Narcos don’t really want to put down the drugs.
I know because I’ve been there.
I got a therapist for the first time and I barely told them anything, I thought that day was going to be a good one but after I came home and told them about it the day just fell on itself and I regretted everything.
I just want him back, he doesn’t. I want to stroke my hand down the plush clothing on his back. I want to die.
But I can’t, as soon as I put the poison in again the smell fills my […]
I’m so not okay, I can’t feel anymore. This darkness inside of me is growing so rapidly that I can’t even control it anymore. I have nothing, nothing at all. Only the pain in my heart. Nobody even sees me anymore, I’ve become someone I don’t even know, I’m so fucking lost. I’ve tried to end it all twice and both times I woke up the next day, contemplating my life again. My heart feels heavy all the time, yet I’m numb to everything. I look at myself in the mirror, while I’m crying and I don’t see myself in my eyes anymore, I don’t […]
I close my eyes tonight
and gaze into the darkness
Death overcomes me and
I merge into emptiness forever
Lonely blissful solitude
Bereft of silly emotions
like love and sadness
and yearning and hate
Time stands still – of course
it was always just the illusive creation
of some human who had the hubris
to believe he controlled his fate
I’m nothing, life is nothing, in the end
Life doesn’t matter & neither do I
One star glowing in an infinite universe
has no power to make a difference
I close my eyes tonight
and fall into the darkness
One star dims to a black hole,
the universe goes […]
How do you achieve your dreams when they don’t make sense? How can the same person want two things that don’t correlate? You can have one but only at the expense of the other? This is a topic that a friend and I were just discussing, it made me realize that I can’t achieve my dreams without giving up on another dream, so basically I will always have some part of me that is disappointed no matter what I do.
Speaking of dreams, I had an odd dream last night, it is a dream I’ve had before but forgot about. Nothing exciting, at a museum in […]
It’s hard to keep living but killing myself is hard to do
i have no energy. i have given up. i do not deserve to be loved. i will never be loved by someone. i will never be in a safe situation. i will never be cherished. i will never be happy. i will never be unbound. i will never be kept around. i will never be anyone’s first priority. i will always be abandoned. i will always be pitied. i will always be the last choice. i will always be in pain. i will always be a puppet. i will always be worthless.
I am a happy girl. I work hard and my brain been lucky enough to feel good most of the time. Nothing bad has happened recently and from all rational input, my life is good and I am good.
Then I woke up one day with a random depression attack. I went from happy one minute to picturing myself jumping off the roof the next. It went away after a little while so I didn’t think much of it. Then a week later, the same thing happened but even more intensely. I was just fine. Nothing was wrong. I had a list of things to do […]
Hey
Hey
help help help
trying to breathe or something
i feel a bit light headed and hard to breathe like trying not to idk
holdling back my emotions like I’m a dam
i feel really light
and all tingly
i feel like im not here
anymore
what is this feeling?
Somewhere far away I am screaming
but here not, no I’m quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
quiet as a mouse
There are things I should probably be doing, in order to live a better life. To be a bit less miserable. But I don’t know how to bring myself to actually do them. To be less bad as a person. Because it requires confronting reality. And reality fills me with despair. It requires acknowledging the things that I’ve done, and the worse things that I want to do, and how fucked up it all is. And the fact that I will never be able to connect with another person because of that.
And recognizing all that makes me want to curl up in a ball and […]
I don’t know why I’m bothering with this, it’s so stupid.
I had a somewhat nice dinner, and there was a lot of it so there would be lots of leftovers. But somehow while putting it away in a big tupperware I managed to let it spill over the floor. It’s just some food, it shouldn’t be a big deal.
But a day later I’m still thinking about it; how it’s another thing on the list of things I fuck up and fail too do. Even the most basic of tasks I still mange to screw up.
my day consists of getting stuck in flashbacks and losing track of time.
i am too exhausted to feel anything but misery and dread.
i want to tear open my flesh.
i want to see my own blood.
i want to destroy the place on me that he forced me to carve so that his name is no longer visible.
i want to feel that piece of me torn away.
i want to feel that freedom.
I’m currently a freshman in high school and one of the things I don’t understand is why being the nice guy gets you bullied! people have been going out of their way to make fun of some videos I made 2-3 months ago on an old but now dead trend. why put in the effort to make fun of me I don’t even know any of them. its been going on for a while and I feel I cant trust anybody because it was some of my “friends” that showed these kids the video. i cant get away from these kids I just want to […]