im ready……….ready to end this…….. if only i could do it myself……
It’s just… It’s impossible to hold on to anything right now. Everything seems like it’s slipping away. I want Garrett to come back. I miss him already. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I literally feel like I’m going crazy. I watch things on ID and think, “Am I going to be one of those people?” I watched part of The Ward earlier, and it scares me. It scares me that I feel like I’m going crazy, and that I might be subjected to that. I can almost feel my mind slipping away. I felt like this before, too. I felt like this when […]
I’m trapped. There is no other way to say it. I’m trapped in this life.
Death rests under my feet held at arms length by the rope on which I walk. It’s tight and narrow, a dirty beige line blaring in a spotlight. It groans as I walk. My toes tighten along the line as my weight makes it jerk and sway. It causes me to wobble and that’s bad. There’s no room for error in my performance. There’s little forgiveness. What forgiveness I do get, its hallow. The damage is done and there is no fixing it. It’s never forgotten.
There’s no room to turn around, no […]
Where’s the love? Where’s the laughter? Oh right, it’s there…Just not with me.
I need to stop seeing him. I need to learn to let go. I’d punch myself until I bled if he thought it wise… if he said so. I’d do it. He doesn’t care about the fact that.. Well, that doens’t matter anymore. I don’t want to see his face after this is over. It just reminds me of how often I frustrate, anger, and annoy him. I’m not perfect. I’m not his dreamgirl. I’m not his. Not anymore.. He abused me. I want out, I want to be treated right. I’ve given everything and more to him.. I’ve given it all. Everyday. Music is […]
I don’t really understand why I started feeling this way. I feel distant even from the people that are closest to me. Sometimes I can be happy. I can feel good. Then I go back, and I realize that I have only been pushing these thoughts to the side. I want to die, but I won’t. I can’t let myself give up on life. I just want to stop planning out how I am going to die in my head. I want to stop having to push back these thoughts, and gulping back my tears. I want to stop looking over the ledge and thinking […]
I can’t  cry. I can’t read. I can’t write. I can only think. What am I? A mute? A social deficit defiling the medium? I don’t want to talk about it, because then it doesn’t mean as much. I can only keep myself moving.. barely. Going through the motions. Why must the motions take so much away from everyone around me? Why must I have problems with eatting? Why can’t I be beautiful and healthy? Why is there no normal to be attained? I even put on our song to evoke the rolling storm, but the tears never came. They did the exact opposite actually. […]
Breathing is a foreign thing
One that I would refuse
I need not this sentience
And lack great will to choose
I am broken, just a tad
Bleeding drip by drop
Faulty product to be returned
Just let the hurting stop
Tired of awakening
To this life and little else
Tired of each and every thing
Weary of pathetic self
Living just for that one day
Grants you naught but 24
And yet the irony remains
I am not fit for that much more
Years now, I have tried
To find within some form of peace
To gather courage against great wind
And from these shadows find release
Years […]
I’ve been going through depression for 3 years now. I’m 15. I use to think that it would get better and pray to god it would. I stopped I guess I lost hope in it three years does not seem like a long time but it is when you can barley get out of bed or do anything. I have no friends I once did but I push them all away. I began using drugs to numb the pain I tried weed spice meth and pills. Always getting in trouble for drinking. I screwed up my head and I basically became mute I only talk to my […]
I am Jacqueline, most call me jackie, but I prefer my full name because it’s beautiful to me. I am a poet, i write about whatever I feel, some poems are from my point of view some are from anothers. I’m thirteen, I live in the u.s. in illinois in a city part of the “heart of illinois” as they call it. But this city certainly doesn’t have a heart. Our city is so messed up, we have more people getting murdered in a day than there are scars on my arm and ankle, and I have more than just a few scars. This city […]
I can’t… I give up… I am done.
At one point we all are. From 5 going on 15 or 50 going on 5, at one point we need our kiddish selves as a sort of comfort. For example. A young man, 25 years of age, is expected to take needles and stress like it’s nothing and keep on with his day with a chipper smile on his face. That’s what the public might see. To the private eyes, at home the young man may be hysterical, or keep a collection of comfort toys or (dare I even say) ‘toys’.
My comfort is now. What I need comfort is from the world. My toys, my […]
Keep Fighting
Two words, thousand meanings, lots of inspirations. It were the words I wrote on my left wrist on the first of march, Self Injury Awareness Day. With a butterfly, as meaning of The Butterfly Project. It’s really amazing what two words can do with a person…. They just help me get through that day.
tomorrow is sunday where i live. i haven’t been able to deal with the pain inside. my cutting is out of control. and if i had my way. id kil my self right this minute. but the pills i have wont kill you alone so i have to wait till monday when i get the rest. to be sure of death. i don’t know what to do . . . im tired of meds and therapy. im tired of all these things that aren’t helping me anymore. i wish i could just say good bye. you know. i might just try to find some other […]
She felt the weight of the world.
Put upon her shoulders.
The pain, the sorrow.
like boulders.
She cried.
She pleaded.
But alas,
She was defeated.
this fragile being
once so beautiful.
was broken.
And the people she was associated with
the ones she called her friends.
left her like a hurricane.
swept off by the wind.
i guess they were just fakes.
guess it was pretend.
And then one day this shattered girl
finally gave in
she stopped this life charade
and surcomed to darkness,
and now this pure white dreamer,
is hollow and heartless,
Her only escape is her poetry,
so she writes
and lusts to be […]
???
:/
Today, when I woke up, I thought that this day was going to be nice but it turned out horrible. I went to school and I knew that my latin teacher would have given us our tests’ grades. I was absent the day it was supposed to be done so I did 2 days after. I asked my classmates the questions and I prepared them with other absents. I worked really hard on finding the suiting answer to every question and the day of the test I wouldn’t stop writing. The test was about Virgil’s “Aeneid”. Our teacher gives us 2 grades because we don’t have […]
I always think about it, ya know? How easy it could be. I’d just put the noose around my neck, and be done. But I can’t, because my mom would find me. I love her so much, I couldn’t do that to her. I can’t drive, so I can’t just go off a cliff and be done…
I have severe anxiety. Everything I encounter…it’s too hard to live with all of this. I used to think I was special, that I was an amazing writer and I had the potential to go somewhere. Not anymore. I feel below normal, some poverty-stricken punk with anxiety and depression…
I […]
I wonder what % of people who post on here that they are suicidal actually go ahead and do the deed. Â Mine is happening tomorrow (possibly even tonight). The reality post which I put up earlier is all accurate but it was written 4 weeks ago. Since then I have literally been living on the streets. When I was smartish and clean to start with I blagged a few nights in various cheap hotels saying I would pay the next day (they would require my passport but the next day I would explain that I couldn’t get money from bank without it). A guy I […]
I am new here, first post, but I’ve been reading posts here for quite some time now, and as sad as it is that so many people here are in so much pain, it brings me a bitter-sweet comfort that there are others like me. I really don’t want to be a sob story, or ask for pity, I’m just stuck and so confused about it all.
I guess I’m just very desperate for some relief. I have created the greatest of masks to hide the anguish that dictates my every moment and thought, but its come to a point that I can’t even hide anymore. I […]