I looked down at my thigh today and saw the faint remains of winter break left there. Over break my mental health deteriorated so quickly that I don’t have words to explain what happened. I had been fine, but suddenly all the negative thoughts came back and I was catapulted into my past self. Not only did it become okay to skip meals again, but I threw up whenever I deemed necessary, and even cut myself multiple times. I felt distant and uninterested in everyone and everything. I was constantly sad and saw no hope for anything. I dreamed of dying and finally being free. […]
I try to give them clues.. How come no one hears the screams inside my head? I tell my dad I have lots of bruises but what he doesnt know is my boyfriend hits me. I tell people that see my cuts it was the cat and they move on. Maybe they do hear.. they just dont care enough to do anything.
Back at work today. First day in two weeks. I sit in some secluded part of the office, trying to work, but struggling to focus. The world is grey again, and all I can think about is how much I hate every bit of it.
Little girl, Little girl why are you so sad. Is society so oblivious they do not see, the sadness in your eyes and scars on your thighs.
I have a mother who loves me, supportive friends, a good job, a decent home, my health… Why do I not feel better?
i  chose to make a life with an unsuitable man when I was young. Looking back I was self harming and it was contemptible selfishness  it hurt people. We even have kids who now hate me and I don’t blame them. Not only do they suffer because of me,  I’ve even taken out my own suffering on them.
I was 7 when I first remember thinking of suicide. I was in the school yard thinking how angry I was that my mother cared and […]
Every since kindergarten I have been teased and bullied. It lasted well up into high school graduation. My family never had a lot of money. We werent close and my mom dealt with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder which made it hard as well. I stayed a loner and kept a lot of my feelings to myself besides the school therapist….whom I would see every year since 2nd grade. My step dad was abusive to my mom and my brother and sister didnt care about me. I hardly even remember them being around in the house. When i did make friends they judged me too and […]
Something I have heard many others say which I dont understand fully… “if you wanted it you would have ended your life before coming here” (writing this, telling us how much you want to die etc etc)
Why cant someone ‘want’ something if they havent achieved it yet ? I heard from families and teachers growing up that if I havent got what i want im not trying hard enough but this is just old school thinking. I can want a Uni degree or job promotion but I cant get it right ‘NOW’.. I need to work for it and earn it…
Same kind of think applies […]
i am 27 i live by the ocean in Washington. I live with my boyfriend and our new baby in a house we just bought. my boyfriend is a hopeless junkie, heroin.. it pisses me off i hate it.. i hate it.. i fucking hate heroin.. i have never shot it.. i hate the stench.i hate this fucking town.. i hate rednecks and their shitty backyard parties where they play nickleback and insane clown posse.. i want to leave but we have no money.. i am fucking scared that someone will take my baby… i hate how people glorify heroin.. fuck lou reed..fuck burroughs.. fuck […]
My fiance of 6 years just left me… Â Knowing I could never be with anyone else, i started cutting myself on both of my upper thighs… My only escape from all the emotional pain he has put me through…
Everything is become worst since I joined the site and I’ve have released that some of the people here who need desperate help and/or indulging in self harm are also persons who are bullies and they bully persons with the same problem. I once tried to stop them from hurting someone who was suicidal when people bully her but then I would also get bullied.
Some people don’t realize that they are hurting persons just because someone else hurt them and it’s not right and it should be said.
So I’m leaving this site because it’s a waste of time and blood. I cut even […]
I left my apartment a few minutes ago.
I took my dog to the park.
I bought 7 cartons of cigarettes.
I bought a shitton of food.
I don’t think I’ll leave again any time soon….
I’m such a loser and a nobody outside of school I don’t do much but stay in my room surfing the internet or sleeping. I’ve had a lot of anxiety recently which is making it hard to do school work, whenever I see a project I just feel like “what’s the point?” or “I’ll never finish in time” and after having a conversation with some people I feel so negative in fact I feel like nobody cares that I’m posting this right now (no pun intended). Â I joined this site in hopes of trying to get better because I don’t really come to people about […]
Mornings are the hardest.
I wake up and all of my thoughts hit me at once.
This is all in my head, right?
My arms and my legs are completely seperated by my will, my want, to move foreward.
Move foreward? Right. Move foreward….. Right??
The room matches my mind, and I used to break this. All of it.
The light is now on. The room is completely lit up. But for some reason, I still can not see. Not even through my lids.
Do I still even want to be? Be here? I don’t want to be here.
What? Why?
With a matter of 7 hours of sleep, I’m numb. Not loved.
Wait… I’m […]
Well…..yeah since the new year began I said to myself “No more cutting”. And I had stuck to that rule until today. One of my closest friend has been trying to cheer me up for about 3 days straight, and yesterday it worked. But today she was in a depressed mood, and I was trying to cheer her up, and I confessed my love to her, and she just turned her back on me and acted like she didn’t care, no matter how hard I tried to cheer her up, and it hurt me so bad.
So out came the knife and ….. yeah, I just don’t […]
i’m about to loose a lot of friends i have this thing when i’m pissed i’m not me!! i do things that i REALLY regret after and i say the most stupid things that makes me the worst idiot ever
i got this really good friend and i told him i was wortless and he said i wasn’t and he said he loved me but i’ve not really liked him that way i really like him as my friend and i do not wanna loose any more friends he was trying to cheer me up and i wa turning him my back and i REALLY regret […]
I’m not an angsty teenager (granted, I was when I was a teen) just angsty 26 year old who is so tired of everything. I’m tired of feeling like my problems are not that big of a deal and that I should be getting over them. I’m tired of wishing I had died in the car accident that honestly should have killed me (honestly, who flips their car going 65 mph and walks away without a scratch?) I’m tired of my financial burdens. I’m tired of being like the middle child and having to be the one that understands everything. Â I’m tired of being the […]
I used to have it all. 4 years ago, I was so popular at school, great at soccer, had loads of friends,.. But now I’m depressed, I suffer from social anxiety. I’m always stressed out. I used to self harm. I tried to kill myself twice but both attempts failed. I don’t even know why I’m still alive. There are so many people dying everyday, and here I am.. Still alive. I’m afraid of actually killing myself cause I really don’t know what comes after death. Hell? Who knows.. I hate my job, I hate my school, I hate my life. I still got a […]
Why would he do this to me?? Why wouldn’t he stand up for me when i was in that black hole and his girlfriend called me a whore and he was right behind me??!!
why would he lie straight to my face?? why can’t he stand up for himself?? why can’t he say no??
i’m felling worthles if i wasn’t here anyone would never give a fuck?? i don’t even get myself sometimes!!?? i miss the time when we were all togehter and happy that time where i was happy!! i miss myself??
i’m scared that i will loose all my friends that i’m gonna loose my family i […]
I have decided to stay away from relationships and focus on myself.Then this guy comes out of nowhere.We’ve had conversations and it’s like somehow,I had fallen for him.Next thing I knew,we were talking about sex and it’s like the heat of the moment kind of thing.This morning to my shock,I found out he’s moved on to his “someone special.”It crushed me.I actually trusted him.Made me feel like trash the way he did me.After that experience,I realize that I’m through with love.Seems like all men want is sex.I can’t take anymore heartbreak.
Ok..so you to a mall shopping for the party which you have to attend. You have searched almost every shop but didn’t find anything you like. You are dissappointed. Just when you are about to leave you see an extremely amazing dress on display. It’s the prettiest thing you have seen.It’s the right size, the right colour, it goes with your shoes perfectly. And it is in your reach. It’s just perfect. Everything you where looking for. You are in awe. You are happy, excited, amazed. You are in love with this dress! You decide to buy it. You go to counter and tell […]