Some times I wonder am I truly alone or are there other people out there who feel as insane as me.

I feel as though my life is getting pulled into a black abyss and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Days go by weeks even and I feel like only hours have past, time and days mean nothing to me.

Everything seems like such a blur and no one really understands.

They say that want to help or they ask me to explain but I can’t I don’t understand it myself.

I just know that I feel like my heart has been torn out of my body and […]

I guess this is what i’m here for…
Just to be someone’s punching bag…
When something doesn’t go right,it’s always my fault…
I guess I can accept that…..
All I am good for is sex and that is about it…
All of my friends are committing suicide and I feel like it is my fault.
Well it is my fault…
I guess the sooner I accept that, the better off I will be…
If only someone in this world were here to love me….
Love me like the father I never had….
 

Not too long ago my best friend committed suicide. She was 31 years old and had a baby boy. I know that she went through a lot of grief. Just last night I had a beautiful dream about her and I just wanted to hold her but she was so far away. I have been really depressed lately (not so sure if its depression more like numb–not being able to cope with things or do things normally). I didn’t go to her memorial because I felt like it would be too much for me. Right now I am in denial of her death. I just […]

People tell me my life is just beginning, that I’m in my prime and that its all about to begin. Others tell me that in order to be happy I need to make it happen, they say that I need to reach out and take those risks to make my life what I want it to be. But it’s not that simple. There aren’t many options in the society I live in and because I try avoid judgement and be perfect for everyone, I find it very hard to take those steps into making my life the way I want it to be.

I’ve wanted to kill […]

I’m 15 years old and i have been wanting to kill myself for at least 3 to 5 years.
The only thing holding me back is my family and what my death would do to them – That and the fact that i’m kind of nervous about successfully manage to kill myself.
I’m scared of what’s next – do we get reincarnated? or do we stay in either eternal hell or paradise?
I’m scared for my family – will they cope? will they hate me?
I’m scared of how they will deal with it.
I’m not scared of pain – I’ve been cutting myself for years.

I will cry myself to sleep tonight again like I have been doing for the past couple of months. Been hurt a lot this past month. I just wish any of my friends would give me a hug out of the blue and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I would probably break down and cry my heart out if that happened. It never does, though. I’m so sad inside that I can cry so easily. It’s like my emotions are a pot of water spilling over. Sometimes I ponder when I was last happy. I honestly don’t know. But I have […]

i cant take it anymore i have no joy in life i live with my head low and anxiety is pushing me more and more to suicide i just want to be happy again even my girl left me beceause i am simply to depressed all the time and now i miss her so much even tho things wernt working out but the thoughts of her with another guy is makeing me so ill is there anyway out of this mess i just want to be loved and be happy why is this so hard todo i havent done nothing to deserve this it seems […]

i dont know why im so useless. Im 14 years old and i get akward around people, can barely hold a conversation and cant seen to get along with my family very much at all. Im frustrated in everything! I dont know if theres a god or not, i want a future, but i cant deal with life anymore. Please i cant live with myself. Me and my mom just got into a huge fight, and i feel like a complete waste. I cursed her out and everything. I want to end my worthless life but im scared. What if there is a hell? I […]

i just want everything to stop.. come to an end i don’t care how, i just want it gone… i’m scared and all i feel is emptiness and sadness and i want it gone i hate pain, sadness and emptiness.

i am turning 24 next month. i am a single mother. a college student and i work part time. i was an addict a few years ago and have turned my life around. i was raised by my grandarents. my mother is an addict. my father lives a wonderful life an hour away. i live in hell. i have rude grandparents as hard as it is to believe because grandparents are supposed to be nice they yell at me and tell me how lazy i am and how stupid i am how much of a b i am and how much of a sorry mother […]

So this is my first time even talking about this. I thought opinions from people i dont know might help.
I have been stuggleing with what has been described as a manic depressive disorder. I dont know of its any different from anybody elses, but the easiest way to describe it is that i can be brought down by things simple as a 3 second memory. Ill randomly become depressed for different severeties and random amounts of time. It can be mintues to months.
Latley though just cant get through it […]

my brother passed away in march and ever since that day i just dont wanna live anymore i mean i dont want to hurt myself but i just dont know what to do or how to deal with this pain

Well it’s been a while that I came to this site. I don’t know if anybody missed me, my existence doesn’t really matter at this point anyway. I’m just a shell moving by the habits that have been inprinted in it.

It has been a month since I moved in Ontario. Following this lofty scenario where I deluded myself with naive idea that my life would get better, that “grass is alway greener on the other side”. Well I don’t see any more colors here either. It just came to me today that I have been eating only one “meal” of junkfood a day since three […]

The round colorful combination is deadly
Tomorrow this will all be through.
Finally an end to my torment
They’d understand if only they knew
Raising the glass and I open my hand…
The thoughts of loved flash through my head
I drop the pills to the floor
It’d kill tomorrow if today I was dead.
Upstairs working on the computer
An electric shock as I look at the plug
The reaction is deadly assisted with water
rising my little brother  tackles me with a hug.
I sit back down grimace him a smile.
I can’t kill myself infront of my brother
He’d be dissappointed if he knew this is all he had for a sister
I could not bear his […]

Life is crazy. Really all I ever hear are the yells if my mother. About how we aren’t good enough. It’s living hell. sometimes I just wanna run away. But I have no where to go. lol. But no seriously. Everything right now is just falling apart.nits almost as if my life is like oh hey your life is bad lets make it worse than hell!! Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m  just falling apart. And no one knows.

I hate feeling this way. I almost can’t take it anymore. If I don’t cut, I’m going to explode. But if I do, everything else will go to shit. And I’ll have one more disgusting scar on my body that I’ll ave to look at every day for the rest of my life. When does this end? Seriously. When will this be over? It’s like the word suicide is my new word for hope. It’s as comforting to me as hope used to be. I don’t have hope anymore. I just have these overwhelming feelings and only one way out. That scares me.

when i reached out to my ex a few months ago, he told me “quit being so stupid, you’re not 15 anymore”.

i reached out to someone tonight.

someone i thought i could trust not to hurt me.

someone at work told me earlier today that we are forced to go through the same things again and again til we learn our lesson.

all i can think about is cutting deeper and deeper til i cut too deep. this image of huge gashes in my wrist is stuck in my head like a pop song.

sometimes i miss my ex so bad that it makes me not want to live, […]

Yesterday,my cat died and I know I’m prob being silly for being this sad over an animal,but she meant a lot to me.I love her so much.It’s like she left with a piece of my heart.I’d do anything to hold my cat one last time.I feel so alone and heartbroken.It would help out a lot to get some imput from someone that experienced this kind of tragedy.Please.

wake up
get beat physically by sister verbal abuse by dad and watch mom say nothing all for being alive
wonder around (not like i have anyone to hang with?)
sister has chores: this means “ok whatver” then “hannah if u dont do my chores i will beat u so hard” not llike i can just walk away cuz she chokes me and pusheds me to the ground then says “wow this is why your fat all u do is sit on your ass”
then i do her chores an my chores and when i do something of hers wrong guess what? im slapped and […]

Life what the f*ck is it about cause I truly don’t know anymore. I mean nothing makes sense anymore. People tell you bad situations don’t last long but I would like to challenge that theory. Happiness doesn’t last long so if you ever achieve it cherish it because it’s temporary. However, misery can last a life time. I’m living proof of that I know I’m only 19 but I’ve been miserable for the majority of my life. And right now I’m just exhausted. My life has no meaning to me anymore. I have to be the loneliest teenager in the world. You know people think […]