my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]

my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]

I am so completely exhausted by constant suicidal thoughts and fantasies. Anytime I make a little mistake, or when someone’s response to what I’ve said feels off, there’s a voice berating me, telling me, “I hate you, you’re a stupid fucking whore, go kill yourself. Go kill yourself Rachel. Go kill yourself,” over and over and over. Every day. The theory being: “Everyone remembers every little stupid thing you do and they hate you for it. You should kill yourself and make them forget how stupid you are. Don’t tell anyone, don’t ask for help. They’ll never see it coming.” I don’t think I’ll actually […]

People say if you kill yourself you will miss out on alot. Me all I have ever done is missed out on things. I missed out at socializing in a party cause I was to god damn scared, I missed out having a girlfriend all because I can’t read the signs, and I am missing out on seeing the life’s of 4/6 of my nieces and nephews whom I love dearly. All I am is just a zombie. Trying to make ends meat in this cruel world while struggling to know my difference with society and just waiting for someone or something to end it. I am […]

Most of my life I have not felt motivated to do anything by my family. My mom is the only one who shows some support but I find myself saying “Why can’t my other family members do that?” Now look I do know what self motivation is in fact I consider myself the master of it because if I wanted motivation I would have to give myself it. For awhile it seemed good for things to be like that. You know put myself through some stuff without any encouragement but after awhile I long for it. I don’t ask for much just a simple “You […]

Its like I fail at everything I do everyone around me is always disappointed in me maybeI should just die

So I live in a house with my 2 parents and 3 younger sisters. I also have 2 older sisters, but my family broke a little while back and I am no longer allowed to talk to one of them. Somewhere in the midst of my family breaking, my relationship with my parents also broke. I can’t explain why, but I can’t talk to them. Any time they are around, I have absolutely no personality. I never show happiness, sadness, anger, anything. Only when they are around though, it is strange. When they are gone I have a huge personality, I’m funny and sarcastic, loud […]

I wanted to thank one person for asking if I can use help locating resources in my town, I appreciate it, actually I already have been using resources in my area, and unfortunately being bi-polar, I am to the point in my life where I trust almost no-one. Seems when I tell people that know me I am bi-polar, all of a suddenly I am treated differently. I had an experience about a month ago one of my AA sponsors already knew me a little and long story short made me feel like a psycho, so to him I say F**** off. One last thing […]

when u meet someone start talking and we act like best friends and talk for hours and then all of a sudden rarely talk WTF i worry that i said something wrong or worry that somethings going on and they wont tell me. (not like it would be my business, i would just like to know) hmmm soo annoying makes me go crazy

Hello, I’m marissa and I’m suicidal, achoolic, drug addict, and anorexic. I’m 14 and I drink and do drugs every night. I make myself puke 3 times a day. I have suicidal thoughts every night.

I live with my mom and her husband(sadly my step dad) I’m verbaly abused by both of them everyday. I was several times physical. I have no control over my life. I’ve tried to runaway but I always get caught. I’ve tried to take my life but always get talked out.

My father wasn’t there at my birth and was really never there for me. He moved to Florida when […]

You can call me Robert for now, even though that’s not my true name. You’ll never know my actual name, unfortunately, because I won’t be around to tell it to you. Obviously, i plan to kill myself, but you would be mistaken if you thought that i was sad right now. As a matter of fact,this is the first time that I’ve felt happy in years! Finally, finally, I have found a way to end myself; to put a stop to the horrible thing that is my mind.

Over the years, I have been plagued with psychopathy. I couldn’t even walk down the fucking street without […]

i dont believe in fairy tales
I dont believe in wishing wells
i dont believe in love at first sight
I dont believe in strolls under the moonlight

I dont believe in one final kiss
I dont believe in it’s you I’ll miss
I dont believe in it’s meant to be
I dont believe in it’s you and me

I dont believe in my heart is yours
I dont believe in love’s chores
I dont believe in butterflies
I dont belive in the feeling’s lies

I dont believe in reminiscing
I dont believe in kissing
I dont believe in together
I dont believe in forever

I really dont believe […]

i can’t control how it feels and functions. I alter its actions if i try hard enough but i rarely have the strength. i want one thing but my body usually wants another. i wish my brother were never born so i wouldnt feel obligated to take care of him, but my body says i love him. i want to be a swinging polygamist for the rest of my days but my body says im afraid of people, women especially. i want careers, cars, cash and success but my body says theres no value in that; that i must be with people to be happy. […]

This is first time I have ever posted on web about suicide, this is actually pretty cool. I will not go into all my problems, just to the point where as so many other times in my life, I question why am I living? I have lost really great jobs, decent marraige, etc. and now I feel alone. I also like many others here have seen countless therapists, doctors, been diagnosed with two different things by several doctors, bottom line – I am miserable, I hate where my life is, unfortunately I do not have the balls to commit suicide. I prayed even today several […]

I think its possible the monster energy drink is what’s causing my erratic behavior. 

On a side note, I still can’t chew even a fucking donut. Really hurts when I do. Or a slice of pizza. 

(805) 861-5295
Thats in case you wanna text me if youre in the vicinity of me. 

So I just met schizojinx. Awesome girl. Um ifonlyallofyoknew: I am sorry i was being an asshole yesterday. I was angry and took my anger out on you i dont normally do that and all i can blame it on is the monster i drank. Howtosurvive: text me, sorry I fell asleep. Anyone wanna chat? My […]

i’m dying

I just posted a book in a reply to a post I read on here. This site isn’t what I was looking for however I am grateful to have found it. This topic of conversation isn’t exactly what you feel comfortable or welcome to discuss openly with anyone. I don’t advocate suicide for anyone, it’s horrible in fact and when I think about the impact it has on the people who care about you it does feel selfish. I can only speak about my own situation. Today is a very dark, lonely day and I have never felt more isolated or alone in my life. […]

well…finally got this thing running…im schizojinxx, but please, call me lexi. im schizophrenic, emo, bipolar, depressed and psychotic at times. i have very few, but VERY nice friends. i enjoy drawing, but i SUCK at drawing people…i cut, often. but i am going to try burning. i atempt suicide often…VERY often but im scared of how my friends would get on. fu(k my family, they dont care. i curse alot so yeah..thats me for ya…i hope to find someone like me on here…

If u have a incurable disease that can be past though your genes it would be cruel to have children and pass it on. Yet my mum has had depression all her life and still had me and passed it on to me. Then I did the same like her and 2 of my 3 children have depression. I have great regret bringing them in the world and inflicting pain on them. It is selfish to have children to satisfy your own selfish needs. I wanted to be a mother and I didn’t once think about them. If I could turn back time I wouldn’t […]

My father’s existance summarizes how my life has been for me in a metaphorical term. Emotional blackmail.

My father calls me 24 times a day sometimes more for very trivial things. I do them. If i don’t I know what will happen.

Trash, yard, clean, glass of water, make my food, find my shoes, shave my beard, find my clothes, mow the lawn, water the grass, find my glasses, where’s my tooth brush, let’s get groceries. You go in the store I’ll stay outside (he talks on the phone to some woman i don’t know) Oh i didn’t give you enough money? How much is the […]