One day I just woke up hating everything.
Went like this forever and still going. My mother doesn’t know how I feel about how every time I see an open window, to jump in front of her, just do she would feel bad about the horrible things she does.
I don’t have energy to “do it” but she’s fueling the meter.
But I’d still be too much of a wimp.

ending it would be so easy.  there are so many ways and so many options.  i own little to be sorted and have so little money in the bank its immaterial.  there are no worries.  it would be…just…so easy.  and it’s so tempting.  no more pain.  no more impulses tugging me.  no more fighting.  none.  gone.  the end.

but it’s my mother’s face finding me dead that stops me.

if i could cut the strings and die everything would peacefully fade into grey.

I started with the self-harm. It went to one to another.  With bobby pins turned into thirteen. I was put in the hospital. But that’s only the middle not the end and not the beginning. I won’t sugar coat this because it isn’t easy to get over it and it is hard to live with the consequences but there are reasons for all of us to be here.

2 years ago is when this started i’m not going into detail but i saw my uncle for the first time in 8 years. He molested me when i was 3. Sick and wrong. Yes. I live with […]

I am really glad I found this site.

I found out while researching the best way to off myself.

I’m only 22 and one and a half months away from being the first one in my family to graduate from college. My parents and family are so proud of me. How can I take this away from them?

I am always thinking of others before myself. That’s why I’m at these crossroads.

A nearly 6 year on and off relationship with the guy I KNOW is the love of my life. I was 16 when I met him.

I hear you saying I can find another guy, I’m young, live […]

I saw It twice!The first time I saw It,everythinq she said made my heart had this wierd feelinq.It’s cause I can relate to her alot.Seeinq It made me feel like I have no hope tho.It made me cry a little.It kinda makes me wanna qo to rehab Instead of those no qood psychiatric hospitals.Well edleast they don’t help me.Even tho her music Isen’t even close to the music I listen to,hearinq a little of It yesterday makes me wanna qive her music a try.I like artist like Z-ro and Spm that talk about there life.Anyway I hope she qave yall hope.

Stay stronq.

Cali-no swaq I did qet your email.

To Shaolin and Gaara.lol Gaara you arn’t on my shit list.Shaolin I was qonna comment on teenqirl (aka Cali-no swaq hahaha;))and I stoped readinq the comments after you said people that spell wronq have a special place In hell.Damn you hate me that much?and yeah I’m pretty sensitive but damn that’s cold.I’m sorry that you couldn’t pronouce r but you don’t have to take It out on me.And sorry If I qot the definition wronq but hey edleast I care enouqh to know about It.Dude I’ve been threw more shit then you have In your entire life but hey that’s just thuq life […]

Sure, you’ll be dead. You’ll never feel anything again. There’s only one reason why suicide is not the answer.

It’s going to sound cliche, and if you’re reading this you’ve probably read this elsewhere a million times.

It gets better.

I know how utterly hopeless things may seem. You feel like happiness is an emotion that you’ll never be able to feel again. You may feel like you don’t even want to get better, and that hopelessness is the only thing that you know now. But it’s not true, and deep down inside you know it.

My best friend committed suicide. He didn’t tell me. He didn’t even seem […]

I’m still questioning life. I don’t know what to do. I have 2 years until I can leave this place, but I can’t live here for another minute. I’m ugly and horrible, I’m failing high school, I’m slowly becoming a monster. I can’t take anymore of life. If I can’t die, what can I do?

Once again my brain is fucking with me. I know what I want to say, why can’t I formulate my thoughts into normal sentences?

I feel like I’ve been losing my mind even more. Who would have thought thats possible.

I dont get it..i dont want to get it…i want it be done n over with..life is a daily struggle, i am sick of it, how do i do it w/out hurting my husband?? If i only wernt married it wud b so much easier..all my life i have always complicated my life shit…

I like talking to people about my problems and listening to theirs, so if anyone wants to talk just email me at shuddup0308@yahoo.com yay.

Your urges they are terrifying. They will jump at you from every corner. Honestly it’s hard. I deal with a lot of these “Should i or shouldn’t i?” battles every 30 seconds. In school at home sometimes even in my sleep. But, they are there to bother you. Be strong which is something we all hear right? Well i want to write to you guys something long but i’m not sure how to put it because i don’t know you guys. Not yet at least. I’m interested in getting some new followers on tumblr. Plus i do a lot of support. Follow me and read […]

Made the plan
Gathering materials
Final thoughts wishes and apologies closed
Lettes to my loved ones written
Only thing left to do is arrange my donation to science
Pick up the tanks fridays and book my hotel for the night.
This is the most relief I have felt the last 3 years.
The first thing I ever planned executed and completed myself in my life.
Ironic that its my death.
I wanted to leave a video but I’m to ashamed of how strung out and depressed I look.
I hope the memeory of me has an image of me when I was beautiful… at least […]

So before i start i’m new to this. I didn’t even know this existed until research in health. I have a tumblr and i do support blogs for self-harm eating disorders all of that. I also am always open to talk. I can here because i am a self-injure and sometimes i like to connect with people who are like me. Interested in talking. Let me know!<3

i am really freaking out.  i can’t stop myself.  it’s taking over all day and it’s just getting worse and worse and spreading and taking over my body.  i feel like it’s happening, the inevitable self destruction i’ve been worried about.  i can’t tell my friend because he has gone through too much with me.  and i am so scared of telling my doctor.  what if i get the impulse and i go too far.  at this point its possible.  what do i do?

I’ve been suffering from depression since I was 12 and the past 7 years have been nothing but hell emotionally. I’ve tried to seek help over and over again but no answers. I’ve been on too many medications to name, have attempted suicide a few times before (my first attempt traumatized me with nightmares, anger, and hatred for years). I know life gets better supposedly, but I have no ability to get help anymore because of money and insurance, plus I live in a conservative area where someone like me living an alternative lifestyle can’t find a job and can’t get many opportunities. Because of […]

just for once i would love to go over that edge, just jump, c wat happens, let that fucking mental breakdown just happen, let the walls crumble down c wat  ..o shit….., if it were only me the choices wud b easier, but, im married, shit, now i have t o take his feelings into consideration, if i had known that i was going to end up like this i NEVER wud have married, its like u r too friggin scared to jump but there is no other option, so u r there on the edge just…just…puting off the inevitable…..today sux…

the anxiety is sky friggin high today, i am drinking beer, smoking pot n cigs the meds r not working nemore cuz i refuse to increse the dosage so im not a zombie!!!!!!!!!!!! all this cuz i cudnt get on a friggin stupid! COPD chat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh im soooooooo pissed!!!!!

I hate the thought of staying at my mothers house. Physically and mentally draining, no peace, just cold.

I hate the thought of moving out. My brothers there and he needs shielding from her venom. Can’t live alone anymore, lonely thoughts are always creeping.

I hate the thought of others. I don’t play well with others. They make me feel on edge, the physical closeness between myself and other beings sends me into a panic.

I’d like to die, go back to void, but I don’t have access to the self destruct button yet. I can see it under it’s bulletproof glass casing, but I haven’t been crushed […]