Burning A Rope,
I Don’t Need Proof, I Already Know,
What You Did To Me Was A Crime
Cold Case Love
And I let You Reach Me One More Time,
But Thats Enough

The funniest part about this post is that I actually had changed my mind. Listen up ppl. i am the perfect example there is no hope. Last week i was going to post and tell everyone that things might have changed, i might have been given that little bit of peace. Something good happened last week that at the time didn’t feel like that Utopian feeling Ive been talking about for a while. And it […]

I was supposed to write about a scenario we base off of a photograph of a girl covering half her face with the collar of her turtleneck.  somehow, THIS is what came out:

I need to hide, to get away.  Don’t look at my face.  I hate myself.  Why don’t you hate me?

You need to stop this.  You are beautiful.

I am ugly.

You keep looking at my with those anguished eyes, cheer up, and stop talking this way.

No, I want to die, can’t you see, there is nothing left for me.

Get up off that floor and talk to me.  It’s not over.  It’s just beginning.

I don’t want […]

I can’t work.  I can’t do anything at all.  All I can do is think of death.  My death.  I wish these thoughts would just leave me alone.  I am trying to do my work.  Why can’t they just leave me be?  I want to succeed.  I want to do well.  But all I can think about is dying.  Why can I only think of dying??  I won’t get anywhere like this except farther into nowhere.  I need to stop these thoughts, but I don’t know how.  My mind and my body keep telling me to die, but my heart and my soul want me […]

I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I was blinded by tears and my emotions were going out of control. I took the blade from an old razor and slid down the wall until I hit the ground. I closed my eyes. I pulled my wrist up against my body and pushed the point into my flesh. My fresh, pink, unharmed skin. When I opened my eyes, my tears were dry and there was a thin line of red slowly bursting from my skin. It didn’t hurt as bad as I thought. Looking at the scarlet line calmed me down and before I […]

There is nothing I really enjoy anymore and I have no real friends left. I don’t think I can pass any of my classes this semester.  My brain just doesn’t seem to work anymore.  I could take a medical withdraw, but ultimately what good would it do?  I’d just go back to school next semester and it would be the same thing all over again, except then I’d be even more behind in getting my degree.  I hate this.  I know I have the intellectual ability to do well in school, but I just can’t function.  I’ve tried so much over the years yet it […]

It seems every idea I come up with as to why I’m depressed seems superficial, like the reason doesn’t add up to what I’m feeling, it isn’t big enough.
My family used to have high expectations of me, until I let them down.
I used to have high expectations of myself too. Then I let myself down.
I can’t forgive my mother for being a drug addict and never there when I needed her as a child, I can’t trust her now, and I’m very apathetic towards her. She isn’t reliable.
I want my dad to come home, he’s the only one who ever understood […]

I absolutely love this site n it  helps me with my depression, but i have another serious health prob…COPD, do any of you know of a COPD 24/7 chat room? I found 1 but do not have the right MIRC? MRIC? or whatever n it was sooooooooooooooooooooo frustrating to b so close n not get there, n i do not need those kind of feelings.. now im pizzed!!! shit it happens THAT easily even on meds!!!!!!

Noow that everyone knows my true self….I feel so empty and alone..but why I should be happier? I get along with my parents and we’re one big happy family. I guess it’s because the one thing that I care about doesn’t care about me…maybe I should jump from the edge…and end all the apin and torment..

Yesterday was different. I took the knife and just started cutting myself. I didn´t even realize I was going to do it. Usually to cut I have to be pretty messed up, but for some reason last night I was somewhat normal according to my standards. Still the need to cut overpowered my senses without my notice. I am afraid that it is going to happen again and again, until the moment there is nothing for me to cut or I am finally dead. To be honest, by brain is telling me that it is not normal, I shouldn´t even think about it nevertheless […]

I ate a piece of a hubby bar, I’m not sure if it hit me yet, I guess the put faint traces of weed into it. Too bad, I wanted to use the pain reliever side of the weed. I might spin things up tomorrow by getting stoned. It might help with the pain.

I have pain in my teeth, a massive toothache due to spacers in between my teeth. 2 days and nights left to go before it hopefully subsides. I brushed my teeth 3 times to massage my highly agitated gums and used mouthwash to dull the pain.

I drank wine earlier and […]

In the summer of 2011, I reached the point where I was ready to attempt suicide. In september, I overdosed on pills, but not nearly enough to do the damage I needed. I came from from the psychiatric hospital after a week, and the day I was back my heart was shattered to pieces by the guy I loved. It took me nearly 6 months to ever feel like I was getting better. I went through heartbreak, the loss of a best friend, eating disorders and the guilt that my family put on me. Now, after talking to the guy that broke my heart, I […]

It makes no sense to me that I continue living when this life ceased to bring me joy so long ago. Here I sit, slicing my skin open once again, after so many years of staying away from it. I hope this is the time that kills me. I hope everyone hates the art I leave behind, and hates me for not staying awake another day. That’d be just perfect.

ugh cant sleep…again haha anybody want to keep me company?

we live in a selfish world , no one cares about you. i am being used, i know that

this world sucks there is no one out there for me.. so why should i live.. for whom?

its hard to be alone,but i have to. i feel so sorry for all the people here.. i believe u have same issues like i have

is there any one out there for me?? who really loves me..i want to be loved truly.. never felt that feeling

being loved. i dont know what i am going to do..i tried to kill my self few times but didn’t work, this time i am […]

Every night i go to my backyard to clean our pool, pick up after thdaog ect. and every night i see orion’s belt. Im not too into to science and stars but i cant help but smile when i see it. If ur not familiar with it, its 3 stars in a stairght line that make up the “belt” of the stick figure orion. For some reason seeing it every night, it just gives me hope…i mean if its a clouldy overcast night i still find it…wierd right? And i know im too old to be wishing on stars but sometimes i cant help […]

I’ve been cutting for ten years, but I never cut with a razor.  I’ve cut with everything else from knives to staples.  Tonight I couldn’t help myself.  I don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially distant.road because you have been sooo wonderful and helpful.  I hate when I do things that make others lose faith in me, so I hope this hasn’t.  I unscrewed a pencil sharpener with a brand new blade in it and was startled by how quickly you bleed with razors.  I need to throw it away but it is just laying on the windowsill next to my bed.  I can’t get myself […]