When you are hurt, there is nothing to do , because no one is every there. I struggle with the constant reminder of getting bullied and my parents not understanding. all they say is “Ignore them , they will go away.” Its not easy. i have been ignoring, and if anything, it makes them stronger. I want to fight back but the fear of getting hurt once again stops me. I sit at home and cry every night because of my parents and or school. Then i think, There is nothing that can help. Not crying at least. I start to think, Cutting is my […]
So I posted a while ago about cutting. I ended up with my parents seeing it. They took me to the ER I stayed there 3 nights then my first ride in an ambulance was to the psychiatric hospital I was being admitted into. It was such a scary experience. I didn’t even cut myself bad I didn’t even bleed but it did leave scars. I arrived late at night, I had to share a room with a roommate. There was a lot of kids there. Then when I woke up the next morning that I can say was the worst day of my life. […]
Had a dream about another random girl generated in my head that may have been someone I saw at school. All that i can say about her is that she was really cute all around and she liked me and she seemed about 1-3 years younger than me.Â
I was sitting, waiting for my 4th period class and I wasn’t doing anything when the dream began. Someone pointed out to me that some girl wanted to talk to me. I saw a girl sitting with her friend and her friends boyfriend. She had straight brown hair, a tie-dye white shirt and blue skinny jeans. I asked […]
i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
sometimes it really IS that easy
choice dawg
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn’t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep
It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
There’s no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here nor there
Can you […]
kay so for those of you who know, I’m doing an oral report about depression. and i got this so far”
“Depression can be a terrible thing. Some people may not think it, But Depression is a mental health disorder.  Depression is were you’re basically sad for usually a long period of time.
Some people wonder what the signs and symptoms of depression are. so im going to tell you a few:
Â
A constant feeling of sadness, anxiety, and emptiness
The person feels hopeless
Individuals can feel restless
Patients may lose interest in activities or hobbies they once enjoyed
Levels of energy feel lower
 Hard to concentrate, remember details, and […]
My life is in shambles….. I’ve managed to push everyone that I care about away, and now I’m alone. The sad part is is that I’ve got No one to blame but myself…..how pathetic. I have been left with nothing…and no one, and that’s exactly what I deserve. I wish I could go back……go back before all this shit started….And do it right the 1st time……
Tomorrow 27JAN2012 will mark the 1 month “anniversary” of my suicide attempt…..Hell I don’t event know what that means…My life hasn’t gotten any better and I’m still lying with my face on the floor…..*sigh* 1 month….I guess it really isnt […]
Run far away.
I don’t really care where I end up.
Just as long as it’s far away from here.
Far away from you.
Far away from this.
Far away from everyone and everything.
Before I was addicted. I mean, I couldn’t bare the thought of a day without it. I was so locked onto it.
Now.. It’s strange. I hate myself when I don’t do it – I hate myself when I do.
Maybe I’m just expecting for something more to happen.
I’v become numb to the pain of blood pouring from my arms and legs.
I need something new. Something different.
Something to make me feel. Anything.
i just have to. i cant not do it any longer. im going to cut. once again. the last time i cut was in early october. that was a really long time ago. at least it seems to me like it has been forever. every night i think about it. and i am CRAVING to do it. last night before i was going to sleep i was going to do it. but it was too close to the time my brother and mom wake up and i cant risk getting caught. my mom already wants me to do some psychiatric thing. i dont want to […]
My message to lauren.. about what i did on monday…
‘Ok…. So basically doctors went well, but then my parents wanted a meeting with miss gentry. About ten minutes in I had enough and got up to leave, at this point miss said I’m not allowed to go to product design. I got angry, said I needed the toilet and left…. I was really angry and upset and tried to find you but failed. I then went and stood outside product design deciding whether or not I should go in…. Eventually sir came out and told me to go back to the meeting. I didn’t. Instead […]
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You won’t be afraid of fear
No thought was put in to this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
PAAAAIIIIIINNNNN
You know you’re right
// kURT
I’m having a really bad day..cried too much..thinking of running away..ive lost all optimism for ive been used, abused, raped and having to start all over again just to repeat everything again..I don’t think so..I’m done. I’m nobody. Ive been treated that way all my life and its just been confirmed again.
So I’m here again, and for the stupidest reason I can imagine right now. Mom keeps asking me if I’m still going to school, or if I’ve dropped out. A difficult question, since I don’t know either. I know there’s no point in me going back there, I’m not studying as it is. All I’ve done in the past is to just turn up. Stopped going before Christmas though, but i lied and said i did anyway.
Anyway, I’ve been saying I want a job just to get out of the discussion. I really would like one, but i have no idea of how to go […]
You do not give me a chance to explain the way I feel.
You do not hesitate to criticize. You are quick to tell me that what I feel is wrong and it is unacceptable.
But you are the one who is wrong.
How could you tell me that I shouldn’t feel the way that I do? How dare you? Do you think that I enjoy it? Crying myself to sleep every night, cuddled myself with the darkness overwhelming my brain? Do you think that I choose to feel this way?
I don’t.
I don’t want to feel this way any longer. I would love help, but you seem […]
So, I am going back to the hospital. I called myself because if i don’t I will end up doing something stupid. And My STUPID guidance councilor told me he was going to call to see if i can’t go. He said I don’t need to. He said HE needs to call if I need to go. HOW WOULD HE KNOW! HE IS NOT ME! HE DOESN’T KNOW IF I NEED TO OR NOT! This is my life. He does NOT know how bad I need this for myself. He his going to make me have a panic attach in his office. ONE AGAIN! The […]
So, life. What can I say… Your difficult sometimes. You make me wonder. You make me cry. You make me laugh. You let me love. Then you let me get rid of the only love I have. Had. But, what can I say? Its life. you can’t Alway never get what you want. No matter what you do. Thats just how life works. You take something ( Laughter, happiness, love, etc.) and you get worse ( Sadness, Madness, Hatred, Etc.) . No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to get away from those things. You can just wish for them […]
As far as death is concerned there are those who emphasize it being the end of all things, even the possibilities of positive occurences. Even going so far as to say it will get better, as if no other negatives will occur or the positives will outweigh the negatives in the future.
Not saying this cannot happen, but for someone whose negatives have outweighed their positives, especially those who have been continually abused and used as children, teens, and adults this somewhat optimistic view is very hard to swallow.
And effort and attitude are only parts of the picture. One can have the most positive attitude in the […]
Its been so long. Its been so hard. I have been trying to hid what happened to everyone. It has worked. 5 years has pasted. Why do you have to return. I was done with you. You hurt me. You where my COUSIN . How could you do this. You touched me and made me touch you. Because of you, I am scared. Scared to call help. That’s why its happened 5 more times. With different people each. Now your back in my life. I don’t want you here. I want to die. I really don’t want memories coming back. They have finally left. Don’t […]