So i feel as though i’ve become a complusive liar since i found out i had depression/anxiety. I’m constantly lying to my friends and family ‘pretending’ im ok and i just feel fake. I’ve even gone one step further and i am now making up people to see and inventing cool places i’ve been to when in actual fact i’m just meeting my therapist instead. Lies are turning me into some sort of monster, who am i anymore? Answer- a pathetic moron thats what…

I think, that the page and the idea is perfect.

And those who are banned, them posts deleted and so on shouldn’t be so unhappy – RULES ARE RULES. And we have to keep them.

The web is kool.

I don’t think that it helps directly, but on some way it does.

It’s always interesting to read and always exciting to see what people think about my posts. I am sure it’s the same for all of You. Mostly..

The mind, that somebody is totally fucked up or hopeless sometimes helps to realise that i’m not in that deep shit so much maybe.. :]

Thanks for creator!

Even it’s page full of […]

There’s a lot of things going through my head right now. I don’t know how she takes so much Oxycontin and is still alive. I don’t know if I want her to be alive. I don’t know if I love anyone, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t know why I haven’t been able to look in a mirror happily in four years. It’s beginning to feel like I’m so disgusted with the face that looks back at me, that I don’t even know if it’s me looking back. I don’t know why I lie awake at night still hoping that […]

Dear Brandon,

Do you remember the last conversation we had? You wanted to swim with dolphins. You told me that if you ever got to go to Hawaii that’s the first thing you would do because it had always been a life-long dream of yours, and you wanted to take me with you.

I don’t know why I keep going back to that conversation. We had countless ones during the few years I spent getting to know you, and yet this is the only one that seems to stick in my head. Why??

I think that’s when I should have known. You always had a bright smile on […]

I remember hearing this story about a boy with black natural hair, very pail, and tall. When he was younge he ran away, and no one knew what happend to him. 3 years later there were these misterious murders. The boy was only 13 at the time… He developed a mental disease, I don’t remember what it was called, but it lead him to murder three inocent people.

I used to dream of running away… But then I remember this.

Stupid, I know.

D

I’m not going to go into much detail again..if you want to see the last time I posted..it was February 2010, titled, “No longer” I believe..anywho, I’ll be 19 in about two and half weeks…I feel like I’ve tried as hard as I can, things got better since my last post, but…I’ve come to the realization I have nothing to live for; I care for nothing, no one..I am completely and utterly numb.

I have ~15 days before my father kicks me out of the house because I’m a failure and accomplish nothing..but it doesn’t phase me. Why? Because I don’t care. Why don’t I care? […]

i dont know why i do stupid things. i never think about the consequences that come with them. today i had my final for bio and i heard about this thing if you put chapstick on your scantron then it wont mark them wrong. im freaking out because i think im going to get caught. i was just curious about it..i dont know why i fuck up all the time. i need new friensd but idk who..i need to be happy and i dont know how…i use to always get As but now im getting Ds. i miss how i use to be when my […]

I’m just…. broken

ever since i started cutting and having suicidal thoughts, ive acted diferent. everyone picked up on it and with in a week everyone i knew, was aware of my depression problems. i get so aggravated and depressed when they follow me around and wont leave me alone. im not evem allowed to be in my room by myself. i guess this is all my fault. i dont understand them. im doing ok, yet they still follow me around. why? i know this is my fault, just another thing to pile up on my depression. i dont want them to be scared for me, it stresses […]

I get annoyed when someone says “it’s temporary, you’ll feel better later”. I have had my depression as long as I can remember, as a child, and I’m over 40 now. When someone says it’s temporary, I know they have no idea what my experience is, and cannot help.
A mood is temporary, depression is not.

There are a lot of thoughts running through my head today.

Thoughts of a better tomorrow.

Thoughts of being gone.

Thoughts of how my son, my mother, my father, my brother would cope.

I called HIM today, and there was no answer. I guess he really doesn’t care.

I wanted to tell him that the hate that I feel for myself is finally surpassed  by hatred for him.

But, there was no answer.

I told HER that I want to be free.

She can’t let me go. She needs me she says.

Why do I have to watch her be with someone else?

If she felt that our love was wrong, why did she make […]

Why do they always talk about happiness?

Hi. Tonight, I plan to kill myself. I will swallow my whole bottle of antidepressants. I am so happy it will soon end. No one can change my mind, I tried to ask for help and no one listened. If I hurt you, I’m sorry. I hope this works, but if (God forbid) it doesn’t, I WILL comment so you know. Goodbye. ~Alyx

I have no problem with the idea of committing suicide except I am not sure that suicide ends it. I want life to make sense just as mathematics makes sense. Life must be more than the period between the cradle and the grave. If there is nothing else or no further experiences to endure than suicide should be an acceptable choice just as picking up and going across country never to be heard from again. Trust me this has nothing to do with religion. While I am pretty convinced that there is a supreme intelligence, religion is truly the opium of the masses and has […]

I have given up on my own words tonight.

w1, w2:
Yes, strange, darkness best, and the darker the worse, then all well, for the time, but it will come, the time will come, the thing is there, you’ll see it, get off me, keep off me, all dark, all still, all over, wiped out– Yes, perhaps, a shade gone, I suppose, some might say, poor thing, a shade gone, just a shade, in the head–[Faint wild laugh.]–just a shade, but I doubt it, I doubt it, not really, I’m all right, still all right, do my best, all I can–
M:
Yes, peace, […]