Dear santa,
I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’
Christmas is just around the corner and snow is fallin’
I sent two letters back in autumn i guess you haven’t gott’em yet
Unless you did and you just haven’t replied you fat lazy git
Whatzzup man, you been out again playin’ golf?
Anywayz, what’s happenin’, say hi to my mate rudolph
I think he’s a crazy reindeer as it goes
With them silly dumb-ass antlers, man, and that crazy red nose
Anyway forget about that, man here’s my present list
I hope i get what i want or else i’ll be well (pissed)
I […]
Today, tommorow, ill spend my christmas without my family. Ill spend christmas with this insecure girl. She can’t keep it together, she doesn’t know what she wants. Her thoughts control her mind constantly, she can’t close her eyes and pretend shes someone else, because closing your eyes on the the world is only for cowards. so this girl will face everyday, hurting, and trying. i promise im trying to get through this. someone save me from this life. I don’t know where this life is taking me. Im terrified of everyday that come. My past is my past, but im 18 years old and my […]
http://www.ocregister.com/news/naked-332844-hit-killed.html
Just goes to show, it CAN happen to you.
i finally told the woman i have known for 7 years that i have feeling for her. i really thought it would have worked out, she made me truly happy for the first time since… i don’t even remember. we used to talk a few times a week, some times for hours from late at night into the morning. and sadly, she doesn’t feel the same way, and on top of that, she pretty much said she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. she used to tell me that i was one of her closest friends, and she can’t even begin to describe how […]
I’m going crazy! I treat others with respect, kindness, and genuine concern for their welfare. Yet I am accused of being sneaky, and being a cheater and a liar. OK, My S.O. is very suspicious of me for no reason other than way back in the past his wife cheated on him and then left him for another man. I’m not HER!!!! I shouldn’t have to pay for her bad behavior. I’m not responsible for the way he feels about what happened to him so many years ago. He acts as if he was burned just yesterday but it was SO many years ago. And […]
My life. I don’t get it. Here I am 47 years old, divorced 4 years, dating the same man for 1.5 yrs now. I feel so incredibly invisible. I have gained some weight and can see the disgust in his eyes when he looks at me. He would never say anything about it, but I can see it on his face. And now I find that all this time I thought he was still having feelings for his ex, it’s really feelings for some chick named “Annie” who I have never heard mention of before, and he dated just before […]
I’ve tried over and over again, and each time it was a “miracle” (doctors’ and others’ words, not mine) that I survived. From ropes snapping, guns just refusing to fire, pills that my body was somehow resistant too, hell, I’ve even poured gasoline all over myself but the damn lighter wouldn’t light. Why could the closest person I had to a father take his own life on the first try, but at the point where I’ve stopped counting attempts, I’m still standing? It’s just not fair. I just wish I could die.
I know I’m a little late for Solstice but here are some songs (not mine) that might help to put a smile on some faces…maybe.
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDC3E828DCD12B68D
I particularly like the one entitled ‘It’s the most horrible time of the year’ (number 14)Â – just saying.
I hope everyone finds some semblance of peace, if that’s possible. Good luck.
Javier’s demise, hopefully my time to cry in the darkness, and also the day I do nothing at all except groan and whine in my bed, not getting up for anything…
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I was using my alarmclock on my iPhone and it said kill yourself at 5:57 am from 1-3 years ago and then 6:13am do it for Nycolle… You know you still love her…
I should have done it. Still not over her, still not over my depression. Still shrouded in the darkness, not to scythe darkness is a bad thing but while at the edge I am close to falling. Especially a willing […]
so okay. me and my best friend had a very deep and emotional talk. and me and her are both suicidal. we talked for a long time. and what we got from talking is an agreement. kinda. we talked about killing ourselves, and decided that its not the right time, and its not worth doing that now because we’re still teenagers (im 16 and she’s 15) so we havent even lived life. that doesnt mean that we have to change who we are, or what we do. just putting something off for a while. i guess its a good thing in a way. im glad […]
I dont know where i will be gone from here. From this place that only brings tragics my way. I do nothing. Completely nothing. I have no respect for myself. I dont have self-confidence. I dont even have the will to live anymore. Where will i go? Who would be there. My life has no valueable meaning. I really dont understand why im here. Why im typing this. Or who would respond. I guess being depress you could get lonely. Broken. Or tear you to shreds. I have no path that i could walk down on. Broken glass with shatter memories. Cuts on the bottom […]
Call me a damsel in distress. Call me a baby.
But I just can’t stand going to sleep at night, with out knowing someone is there for me. I get so depressed, I need someone there. Some nights I’m ready to scream.
I have friends, but they can’t always be there. I’ve had boyfriends, but I don’t have anyone atm who can stand by me.
I can be strong during the day. But in the middle of the night, that’s when things come back to haunt me.
All this time I’ve been keeping myself alive for a person who treats me like shit an knows it and bloody fucking knows how it makes me feel. I give endless amounts of apologies for things I’m not even doing wrong. I kept myself alive for an invalid reason, IM NOT EVEN DOING IT FOR MYSELF! I’m not selfish, I’m postponing my suicide sometime away from anyone of my familys birthdays or holidays. After christmas, I’m fucking gone baby, free from this hell 🙂
today i found out that 4 of my exs had slept with some of their exs while me and them were together…. i dont have feelings for them but it just made me realize… how im not good enough for even the lowest of people….. fuck my life.
I always loved to listen to music. Never danced to it but just listened and it made me think.  I mean REALLY thinking. It  made me think about life and how I saw it or about my anger towards people. I thought about things that normally wouldn’t cross my mind that much. Music made me look harder, think deeper.  Listing to music made me as well  happy you could say. However not completely. There is still a huge gap in my heart of sorrow, anger and darkness. I wish music could close the gape….. but it never will.
Here is my favorite song I listen to always. Makes me cry every time. How I […]
I just feel alone. friends dont know anything is going on, perents wont accept it, lost any faith in god, and i have no plans over my christmas break with anybody.
life doesnt hold any excitement for me anymore, everything seems empty. i wonder what it would be like to have a signifigant other, ive been in relationships but nothing serious where i can tell anything to them and not worry how they would take it.
My uncle has stage 4 skin cancer that has spread far enough it is now in his bone marrow. That means that he will never be cancer free again. It has put a lot of stress on me and my family. My family usually takes it out on me since im the youngest of 4. My uncle means the world to me, i dont know how i could go on without him. I considered suicide about 2 years ago then my uncle was pronnounced cancer free. When I found out that that report was a mistake i almost did it but my mom walked into […]
sorry i havent emailed people i told i would. ive been kind of depressed..
life is so confusing. people around me are so blind to what is real. that is, happy people. i look around myself and see all the emptiness, all the sadness deep inside some people’s shadowing souls. my heart is enlightened by the sight of the blood on my wrist when i inflict myself, and it scares me. it scares me more than loneliness, because i dont mind the loneliness so much anymore. its enjoyable now to sit in my room and think of depressing thoughts and look up suicide methods and cut […]
A bit ago, I wrote on here about feeling suicidal, chronically depressed, and my job amplifying that depression quite a bit (mostly evil boss), but not seeing a way to escape my job, not being qualified, etc. I said something like “if something awesome doesn’t happen soon, I am going to kill myself in January or February.”
A friend found me a job to apply for that not only would I be qualified for, but would involve a small raise, regular hours (oh my god, I could take classes after work, have time to make artwork, take violin lessons…), my boss wouldn’t be a huge evil […]