I don’t mean when I’ve beaten the games, just when I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t feel like continuting.. same with grand theft auto.. you get to a point in the missions where you don’t feel like playing anymore and just start dicking around(run over pedestrians, try to kill all the town guards, roam dungeons for the fight of it etc etc). Doing what you want to who you want regardless of the consequences to the story or your final score because it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s time for me to destroy my life in that way. I could never hurt anyone because […]

Every 18 minutes,
Somebody dies from a sucide.
Every 43 seconds,
Somebody attempts one.
 

I now am part of the statistics. I have attempted a suicide on Nov. 9, 2011. Depression got the best of me and I ended up in the hospital bed with wires all around me. I remember EMTs yelling at me to stay awake.  I took my sister’s pill in school that day and I passed out in my Algebra class they forced me to tell the truth on what happened. I was nearly dead and I told them. I wish I didn’t though. I am still very depressed even with […]

of the pain. I have to go, no question about that. I have to kill myself soon. I can’t live anymore. It hurts so much to think about the future, the absolute emptiness of it all. I want so much but I can’t have any of it so I’ve been trying to live without, trying to live a minmal life. I’m just an animal afterall and everything we have today is just extra fluff on top of the gift that is existence. Nothing says I have to have lots of cash, fast cars, faster women. What hurts is that I can’t even obtain the basics, […]

I overdosed on painkillers again. I told myself i wouldn’t because it wouldn’t do anything. But i did. I keep telling myself i don’t deserve to live. Why does that make me feel better?

Mom thinks my despicable brother is the only one with mental problems. If it wasn’t so stupid, it’d be hilarious. She made me make him dinner, and then she gave me a hard time because i wasn’t feeling sorry enough for him. Said there was nothing wrong with “me”, now was there? I wonder how she’d describe my death wish.

I don’t think there’s anything mentally wrong with my brother, besides the […]

Enough!

I really don’t know how else to say this, but enough, please!

All that I’ve ever wanted in return was respect. I care for a lot of people, my mom, grandmother, my two little brothers and little sister, two of my best friends. I’d do anything for them, and have. However, when it comes to me, it seems like I’m the one who is least acknowledged. Now that I am thinking about it…I probably felt this way my whole life. I am 24 right now and ever since being a kid, I always believed in being a good person and appreciating everything I got.

I treat people […]

it’s amazing how a tub of ice cream can lift one’s spirit and crushes you later. the aftermath – i looked into the mirror and see a girl that has gone through too many tubs of ice cream and unhappiness.

everyone says im on the young side. i merely refused to grow up. not into this sickeningly world where everyone put on their false smiles and try to survive by pushing their pain on others. i don’t blame them. i want to disappear.

clothers worn, shoes torn

i walk with my head down

i’m not looking for money

im not looking at someone’s butt

shoulders slouch, sweat beading my forehead

fingers numb […]

i miss pills so fucking much, they made me feel so motivated, euphoric and i just loved them so much

and i also miss weed, no dealer available and no money, thing is though with weed, i’ve started feeling like it makes me think about things that make me nervous and shit, idk how to explain it but like, i was gonna take a piss test, a few times actually, never did them though, luckily, but it reminds me of that when i’m high and i can’t enjoy the high, but with the pills i just didn’t think of bad things that made me wanna die […]

Hello.

I’m not suicidal, folks–that much I’ll be honest about right now.

I’m a college student have my bad days, sure…

But from what I’ve read here, medical maladies notwithstanding, my worst days are likely better than some of yours.

So I’m not going to lie to you all and pretend I’m something and someone I’m not.

I ONLY JOINED THIS SITE TO LISTEN TO YOU, AND TO TALK TO WHOEVER WANTS SOMEONE TO TALK TO…

AND NOT BE JUDGED.

So I’ll be upfront about who I actually AM:

Like I said, .I’m college-aged..

I’m an English Major, with an AA Degree in that field…

I’d like to be a write someday…

My favorite authors are […]

Three to five times (times varying from weeks to months) I would have a firearm, and sit with it, sleep with it, cock the hammer put it to the side of my head and yet even in deep emotional crrisis could not pull the trigger ?

I know there are alot of younger people here and really haven’t had access to guns, so may not get any responses.

Guns leave alot of messy stuff that has to be cleaned up, what thee police leave at a suicide scene coulb possibly be cleaned up by family. No one would want a family member to do this.

I also think […]

Thinking about it all, it just makes you shake. When you keep running from something that will probably hunt you down your entire life, it really makes you paranoid. It really puts you on edge and makes you seem crazy to the masses. I’ve been shaking uncontrollably for days, and I keep trying to convince myself I’m only cold. Truth be told, the past is sneaking up on me and the anxiety is crashing in around me. I haven’t talked to very many people about anything but common lighthearted conversation for the past few days. I’m too timid. I fear I might say something that […]

I felt like a puppet, my wrists and ankles and all of my bends really were weak. I lowered myself into the water and tried to hope I wouldn’t sink. But I did, I hoped I would sink. I did sink. I let the violent air escape my lungs into the water, and I just screamed into the seemingly endless dark of the pits below. Eventually I forgot about needing to breathe. I just stayed under, my lungs perfectly comfortable where they were, almost as if they were not new to death. But then I felt the pulse of my ever-so-human heart ceasing. I realized […]

Washing away the dead butterflies is something I never get better at doing. I wash away the blues and greens and yellows and all of that red. That scarlet relief is instantly satisfying as it circles the drain and fades into the pipes. I scratch at the healing scars and I have to wonder, what would he have said? But suddenly I don’t care, because for one split moment even through the disappointment and the hurt and the slight guilt…there cuts another razor – a razor of peace and quiet. All of a sudden, everything is quiet and calm. My mind has rested, my body […]

“i don’t know what i’m doing” i whisper to myself in a sing songy sort of way. I let myself get to this point of absolute discomfort; I know it’s up to me to dig myself out of this rut. It’s plain to see, the steps I need to take to get back to 0, back to neutral. I’m so deep in the negative, everyday I sink further, despair despair. I believe I can pull myself out though.

But then what? “hahahahahahahaha” he laughs maniacally to himself. I find a nice bachelor or 1 bedroom apartment and move in for jan 1st but then […]

My mind is like a bottle with boiling water with no escape ready to explode idk what to do everyday I stress everyday I have thoughts that if someone heard them then I’d be put away idk what is wrong with me but my life is nothing I can’t drive due to some kind of fear stopping me I don’t work because I’m afraid of crowds and get really nervous I go to school but yet I drop out because I can’t concentrate all I do is draw evil things which I am pretty good at and play video games to relieve my stress I […]

Have not slept in days, constant stress.

I noticed in the moments I close my eyes I’m having these visions of like the NDE stories, i wonder if lack of eating is doing this.

i don’t know what i am going to say. every time i posted my feeling somewhere, people started judging me.
my story started last year where i realized how wrong i was for loving a married man. I know before you start judging me, i know that i am wrong and i shouldn’t be doing this. I tried, i tried to do everything but the very sight of him give me chills and i can’t stay away. But that is not what make me to kill myself. He treats me like i am just another piece of junk, never cares and nothing else. But why […]

I’ve tried everything… Well, everything except pills because my doctor won’t give any to me. I guess I’m not important enough…
All I want to do is to jump off a bridge and not be saved. I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t. The pain, the anxiety, all the fucking thinking, it’s too unbereable…
Everyone secretly hates me anyway, so I do not think that they would give a shit. And my therapist would probably just be happy to get rid of me..

so this is the part where I say goodbye. Goodbye pain, goodbye thoughts, goodbye everything.

I don’t know how much more I can take
If I bend any more, ill break.
From the pain inside I’m going mad!
So sick, so tired from feeling sad.

For just ONE moment of happiness I long…
A fleeting point in time where all my sorrow is gone.
Of the day I no longer bear this hatred I can only dream.
But for now the tears from my eyes will stream..

Noone sees the sadness in my eyes,
Or the desperation that lies beneath each smile I fake as the days pass by.
My will to live is ever failing.
Like the blood from my body […]

    I feel sad, lonely, hurt  i feel like im invisible i have never felt so unimportant and  worthless in my life ive been tossed around my whole life like a rag doll with no real home and no family or friends that care about me i care deeply about people and love them with all i got  but i never get that feeling in return i don’t understand y people r so mean..i just wish i can have a true friend to talk about things with, it doesn’t seem like much to ask . i feel like nothing is ever going to get […]