This is a letter that I was gonna leave to my wife.I did go through the motions for this suicide but I over did it and I failed.I am going to use this same letter and just cross out the date and write”failed”,then put in the new date so it will be done later this week.I should have added the use of a rope or bag and tie…………. My dear wife Nancy, I wish I could spare you the ordeal you have ahead.I would like to be foregiven for the times I have hurt you.I have put together some things that will help you,I hope.Please respect my […]

Hello again,

I guess this is the last time I will be posting something. I want to thank everyone for the messages and the sympathy showed. Its time for a final goodbye guys. Tomorrow Sunday 18 September is my last day here, no more me, no more me posting my sob story. For those of you, who have been on this journey with me, and who have read my posts and also for those who will read this in the future. I want to leave one last message behind.

I had everything, and when I mean everything, I mean in my terms. I had it all, and […]

I lost one. soon i will loose all. I have no right. to breath this air of ours. I lost my mind as it gathers dust. The gathering of others fading away. My thoughts and feelings. trash beyond prepare. The beats that it took and the shame it gain. thats already enough. to throw me into the grave. i shouldnt be allow to live. shaking away the people the feelings and that is comotion. I am tried of living. I am tired of wearing this mask. And im tired of pushing people away. Soon enough…. i will not be here. My heart will be heavy […]

Im 13 years old and I’ve been through hell already… My mom is verbaly abusive and my dad is a drug addict. When I was 11, my mother would make me feel so bad about myself, that I would cry on a daily basis…. she had no love for me, only lies. I was an accident. She was going to terminate me but my grandmother, being a very religious person, stopped her. Who loves an accident. Simply a waste of space, not a blessing. When i was younger, and even now, I see little of my father. Most of the time he is in his […]

america home of the brave land of the free. we are a breed of american suicidal youth. we platform for a new america a suicidal run nation. a nation in which suicidal ideals would be taught in every school across the land. mass suicide in our public auditoriums,public body dumps open 24/7 visitors always welcome. bad huh?

yeah, I don’t think I’ll be slitting my wrists anytime soon. The depression is there but I’m a wuss.

Can someone live my life for me, I’d be happy to give you my body.

that way I wont hurt anyone, when I go.

When I get rejected I feel a loss of umf. like its hard to try again. I get sad and lonly. I think and fill like a piss of shi*. some times even like a piece of meat. Men take what they want from you at the youngest years of your life and people expect you to be ok and over it by the time your 24. Things just dont go away like that.. Theres not a day that goes by that I can get away without thinking bout what happened. Even though I was so young I still remember every little detail. When I […]

http://www.postsecret.com/

Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They’re lonely. They’re missing somebody. They’re in love with someone they probably shouldn’t be in love with. They have secrets you wouldn’t believe. They wish and they dream and they hope, and they look out the window whenever they’re in the car or on a bus or a train and they watch the people on the streets and wonder what they’ve been through. They wonder if there are people out there like them. They’re like you, and you could tell them everything and they would understand.

And right now, they’re sitting here […]

This morning I got a phone call, and a good friend of mine has died overnight…he was only 25, and he was very ill with Krohn’s disease, but nonetheless nobody expected him to die so suddenly.

My first instinctive reaction though was not grief but envy, and then just despair at the injustice of this all, I desperately want to die and can’t, and this young man was so full of energy and wanted to live so much, and yet he had to die.

Now I cry for all those reasons, loosing him as a friend, crying with his mother, who lost her only son, and who […]

No one wants to deal with a suicidal person. I can’t talk to anyone. I don’t know why I try to. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. I don’t know why I haven’t just done it already.

I did not grow up easy…well it whas hell don’t know my father I whas raped when I whas small my father how raised me bett me up every day just because I whas not his son on almost every table in the house there where drugs…school that was shit always in a fight just because I whas the small 1 in school and I whas the only 1 fighting back, teachers ignored me had no frends can’t talk to anyone my 2 sister’s did all the bad things and I got the blame and punished I sleep outside I have never heard the words […]

OK, see “report this post” on entries and my dashboard says “3 new reports” – so wheels are turning, brain clicking – but what on earth did I get reported for? Being to chipper? Having a sense of humor? Being honest? Not killing myself? And who reported me and why? Feels like a tribunal, are we in pre revolutionary France for cryin in the sink? I don’t care. Part of not being suicidal anymore is not caring what others peeps think about you or what you say and do. It’s your life – don’t waste it in a cage made by judgemental Mental cases. Be […]

now my dashboard says “3 new reports” in red letters. what does that mean? there is no link with it, no explanation.

It hurts.To see everything as calories.To exercise and starve.If I do eat it all comes out.I couldn’t think about being fat.When I first started I was 114 pounds 5’6.A week later I was 109.I saw how well it work I felt so skinny at that point then 3days later I felt fat.I thought I gained the weight back but I was still 109.So I did it again.104 in 1week.I knew it wasn’t healthy but I just won’t feel good at any weight.I see everyone eating hamburgers and if I ever put that in my mouth I think I’d gained 30 pounds.It hurts.To see everything […]

Maybe it’s “wrong” of me to do it, but taking that knife to my arm just now, out of anger, felt SO good. I haven’t cut from anger like that in a long time. Oh how I’ve missed you.

I don’t care how shitty my blade is.

Its gonna be my best friend tonight.

I knew it would happen.

Why do I always get too fucking attatched?

I’m never gonna be good enough for anyone.

You know those days where you feel so mentally and physically exhausted? Those days where you try to get up but just fall back down, those days when you cry until you can’t cry anymore, and run out of breath and gasp for air, the moments you feel like nobody cares, no mercy, no love. the days that go by while you think, how do I take my life away? But something stops you, it fails or you just can’t do it, I know I couldn’t. I thought maybe there’s someone out there who will be my hero someday. I know it’s cliche, but that’s […]