Over the past year I have attempted suicide a good 8 times, and each time unsuccessful. Each time I tried was an actual attempt, but they were all ways that were left to chance and I was to stupid to make a gaurentee exit strategy.
Luckily, living near the ghetto helped out enough that I found a small ruger lc9, (or was it a lcp?), laying on the ground with 5 hollow tips loaded. I plan on writing my apologies to my family, but the one thing I am afraid of is that the gun may not kill me, even with the bullet aimed in […]
Do you ever have a feeling that your just wasting your time. That everything around you is suddenly suffercating you with a pillow. So much caring is like a bad thing is you think about it. So many people crowding you till you have no space life. I’m not afraid although i always face fear every day. I just want to infleck harm against myself. Smash mine head against a wall or a window. Using glass to jagger up mine neck. Gun shot to the chest or head even. Maybe just maybe i could even do what i was going to do… drown myself. Just […]
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“Numb”
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus:]
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can’t you see that you’re smothering me,
Holding too tightly, […]
When I finally think I’m happy, something always goes wrong. I can never get anything right. I keep struggling uphill in the pouring rain and hail without a coat and I expect to win. Sometimes I’ll get a few steps up, but something always sends me tumbling back down. I really should stop expecting things to change because they never do. But for some reason, I can still hold on to hope even though it hurts me more in the end. I don’t even know what I’m trying to gain from writing this. A small release from the pain? Except that never goes away fully, […]
all these feelings swirling around, and it just keeps growing. Had a good Saturday. Golf w/ dad, brother, and son. I’ve got to get up Sunday and try to have another good day. I’m scared. Good days give way to bad days. Always. Joy is fleeting. Why is sadness so persistent? It takes so much effort to make a day good. I’m tired. I can’t keep pushing every day. I fight to stay happy. These feelings well up inside. It’s all about effort. Will power. Struggling. Demons break into my heart. Sinister. Destroyers of light. Darkness grows. Envelopes me. It has, it will, trying to […]
I cant last much longer. theres nothing left. my heart isnt broken, it is completely destroyed. i feel nothing but pain, emotional pain. the physical pain, which mostly comes to me because i subject myself to it, i have come to enjoy. nobody cares about me. when will my life end? not soon enough. my life is like a nightmare which i never awake from. i look around. i see everybody laughing. happy, enjoying themselves. i envy their happiness. everyone is in a big group talking. i am the one on the outside. exiled. isolated. i have no friends. people i know, they consider me as their […]
I’ve been through hell with my friend jumping off a bridge , my parents divorcing, and the world working against me , but i managed to stay strong i always knew it was never the solution so if there is anyone out there please message me meggypoo_cutie@hotmail.com i’d like to talk to you who feel alone cause i was once there i never attempted to hurt myself i never gave into drinking or drugs none of these things are the answer i am the same girl i was since i started to show personality <3
i have nothing left. i’ve been trying for so freakin long and i fail at everything. every decision i make is wrong. i feel empty inside. my heart alternates between being made of stone and just pain. if i could only just die. i used to be so full of life. i wish my heart would stop. i am nothing, i just take up space. i have kids, but i have nothing left for them. maybe they would be better off without me. they don’t want to live with their dad. that’s where they will end up though. they are the only reason i’m not […]
i feel as if my feelings are slowly leaving me………..?
my heart is broken yet again for the boy i once loved…….?
the blade threw my arm is raining red…………?
my fears no longer scared me as they once did…….?
missing you doesnt seem to matter much more then before………..?
the courage i once had is moving on……..?
the hate burnning inside me is almost out……..?
things dont scared me………..?
make me sad………..?
or angery……?
they just slowly leave me……?
and never come back…………….?
i have a week b4 i wanna die next satuday is the day that i wanna die. i know how i am gonna do but will you give suggestions
I tightened the knot I made with my belt, then added a scarf around it for a stronger hold.
Staring at those two small items hanging in my closet, I hesitated. Slowly I stuck my head between the hold I made that was slightly bigger than my skull.
Swinging back and fourth against my new carpet; I imagined my death.
I thought of who would find my blue corpse in the morning, the terrifying screams and wails for help. I swung back and fourth with my hands grasping my belt/scarf tightly.
I was so sure of my solution for my troubles. I knew what I needed to do, […]
It’s so odd. The extent in which I can relate to some people on here. This is going to be another whiny teenage story. In comparison to your life, perhaps it’s insignificant.
Like most I had an extremely happy childhood. I has my traumas (deaths in the family, etc) but they never afftected me. Up until I was about 13 I never knew sadness. I suppose it was the cruelty, the obsession with appearance and just utter unacceptance that completely baffled me in high school. We can all remember it. I had come in contact with a girl on a social networking site. A pretty […]
#I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all i’ve done.
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Anywhere from here
Light up, Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear
Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
It makes it so hard not to cry
And […]
This is my first day on this site and i joined because every day is a constant battle with myself, who I am. Anyway I hope what i write here makes any sense. I’ve been blessed with a loving mum and 2 great brothers and i think my friends really do care for me. I’m really gifted, am great with music, writing it, I’m a really really good rapper. I also write stories, great stories, the people that read them are actually amazed by the amount of talent i have, whether there reactions are the real thing or they just trying to flatter me and […]
Hey! Are there any forum users here from Finland?
This is another of the poems I have written while in the throes of depression- this is how I feel and is about Bipolar. I am sharing this poetry with you whilst I am still here- want to ctb so so much it’ s painful.
It’ s time to fire the gun and finally rest,
putting life and death to its ultimate test.
You can’ t stop the bullet once you’ ve said go,
with thoughts flying around it’ s too late to say no.
You’ ve taken my brain and filled it with confusion,
but being God you’ ve got the right to make the intrusion.
The Devil sits in the c0rner […]
For so long now I have kept up the hope and faith that I would get past the obstacles that keep me down. I’m a good person. I am kind and charitable. I’ve tried everything I can to succeed in my business and continue to fail. I have sacrificed much to help my wife reach her goal. Now she is showing signs of turning her back on me. My son has turned his back on me in spite of all I’ve done for him over the years. I feel so alone. So very, very alone.
I’ve discovered that I no longer feel anything, & it’s turned me into a cold, uncaring, ***** of a person. But yet I still have friends. It doesn’t make sense. Anyways. I don’t even know why I’m bothering on here. It’s not like anyone seriously reads this shit. LOL. & I’m still wasting my time. This world is going to shit & I’m about to get the hell out of here before things start to overwhelm me. Bye.
i am 37, male
my girlfriend of 2.5 years left me. she was my entire world, i met her after ending a 13 year marriage in which i was not happy. my girl taught me what true love was , something i had never felt before- never knew it existed. our relationship was completely honest, no secrets, no lies. and i came to believe her feelings for me were as strong. we were inseperatable, nothing was more important to us than time together. just the touch of her skin made me tingle, everytime. my love for her grew stronger every day. i worshipped her, provided […]
A suicidal female’ s poetry