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My black thoughts are a daily fight

  November 5th, 2008 by donna

I am bi-polar and just recently got diagnosed after a stunt of trying suicide. I had a butcher knife and had called my brother to help me before it was too late. My sister came home and took me to the hospital and the cops were called to escort me to the hospital (in handcuffs of course). I learned about my illness and started the meds and hoped everything would immediately change which I and still fighting everyday not to commit the final act of suicide, my family is my strong point and of course my children keep me on the road [...]
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I AM DEPRESSED

  November 4th, 2008 by iamhere

Thanks for the project and http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/, which lead me here as a torch bearer in my dark times. I was desperately searching for some help to keep me alive, then came the greatest advise for suicidal people on net.

I am depressed as the things are not at all going in my way. I do not know why it is happening, despite my several trials in different ways i am not able to find joy, though I have great dreams of living my life and helping my kids and wife, realising their dreams. I have lot of compassion for the people in [...]
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What’s the point?

  November 4th, 2008 by Jujujulia

The moment we are born, we begn to die. So why live a life, where the world only cares about themselves and nobody else?
If the world only cares about themselves, and I don’t care about myself…who WILL care for me? I just want to be loved, and not feel alone. I wish I could get away from this place that I call home. My life isn’t tragic, and it isn’t the best. I just wish that I could help those really poor, sad, needy people. Helping others can keep my mind off my own selfish thoughts.

I was never raped, or really abused. I am [...]
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I have pain

  November 3rd, 2008 by a way out

Let me start by saying that I have depression and anxiety of the worst kind. Everyday I live with this pain. It’s a deep down pain. I see a therapist, I take my meds. and as soon as they start working like they should. The drug manufacturer quits sending them to the mental health where I get them. So they put me on something different. In the mean time I go through this two to four week and sometimes more period of adjustment. That’s when it happens. I have bad bouts of depression, my anxiety levels go up, I get all wound up inside, I [...]
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desperate

  October 29th, 2008 by Kat42

My friend killed herself two weeks ago and this weekend I have to go and visit her brother, I want to because I love him very much but this is all too much for me and I feel like my boyfriend can not handle what I have to say, I feel guilty about so many things. My head is pounding. I am just watching time tick away knowing that I really don’t matter that much at all in the grand scheme of things, my feelings are not taken as seriously as they should be by me or anyone else. I am drowning.
Since I was [...]
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Guilty

  October 28th, 2008 by tml

Today, I was in a head on car accident. Two weeks ago I prayed to God that he would kill me some how so I didn’t have to do it myself. When I walked away from that accident today a large portion of who I am was angry I didn’t die. It would have been perfect. My family wouldn’t of blamed me, it would have looked like an accident. I feel like all I am good for, is for someone to get pleasure from my pain. I just want to give my love away, to love a family, love a husband. All day long people [...]
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Guilty

  October 28th, 2008 by tml

Today, I was in a head on car accident. Two weeks ago I prayed to God that he would kill me some how so I didn’t have to do it myself. When I walked away from that accident today a large portion of who I am was angry I didn’t die. It would have been perfect. My family wouldn’t of blamed me, it would have looked like an accident. I feel like all I am good for, is for someone to get pleasure from my pain. I just want to give my love away, to love a family, love a husband. All day long people [...]
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Tired………..

  October 28th, 2008 by bleep

My life is one big train wreck. What seems to be the biggest hurdle in my life is the after effects of my incest. The earliest memory of my father abusing me is around 3 or 4 years old. I am not really sure because I have blocked out most of my growing up years. I have struggled for many years to beat this game. I am angry that I am a survivor. I am angry that I have to deal with this shit at all. I am at a place that I have been before and it [...]
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WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER

  October 27th, 2008 by RAVENSPROBLEMBOX

Ok:

For as long as I can remember… dating back to even kindegarten.. yep I remember feeling like this then.. I have been walking around with this feeling and allow me to tell you it is awful. One would think I should be used to this … stomach always in my throat… never feeling as if I fit in.. lonely… never good enough.. just want to be alone but then I get lonely.. etc. etc. etc.////One would thing I am used to feeling this “FEELING” but I am not. I have been in therapy for almost 4 years.. been a drug addict… became an Rn… raised [...]
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Suicidal…again

  October 27th, 2008 by Callum

I used to be depressed and suicidal. There were a number of reasons for this that I would rather not talk about, but not a day went by thta I did not think about death and killing myself. The day came when I started making lists of everything I had to be grateful for: lists that steadily grew smaller and smaller as the things and people I loved gradually died to me. One day, U was poised to finally commit suicide, ready to die, but something stopped me. I decided to wait, and gradually my life got better. It improved, and I found that I [...]
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I want to die !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  October 27th, 2008 by Dancavscout1-303

Some people say war is Hell . Well not being good enough to go with your buddies is worse! The army made that choice for me . I wanted to go with my boys but the army said I cant . Shame is a terrible thing!!! But so is begging for help you cant get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forgive me.


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DA6

  October 25th, 2008 by DA6

When I was 6 I wanted to know what was dangerous about the high tension lines, my sisters simply said if you touch them you die, I asked for details, but instead of hearing about electrocution they just told me that when you die you go to sleep and never wake up and never see anyone ever again.

I went to my room, opened a pencil, and ate the lead, as I knew that the metal lead was poisonous. Obviously it did not work, but lucky for me I realised that it was as though i were in a room with a light switch, and a [...]
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why?

  October 25th, 2008 by daddiesgirl167

this life so far has been shit… well this year. im 18 years old and in my senoir year of high school i fell apart. in may of 2008 my father passed away. he wasnt just my dad he was my best friend. the one to run and talk to when i was fighting with my mom(they were divorced). it was hard enof living in two houses. when he passed away i was engaged to a guy named Brian. he was everything to me. my dad liked him my mom loved him. it was perfect. 2 months after my dad passed he left me for [...]
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still a problem after all these years

  October 24th, 2008 by sign

Growing up…I was a depressed child. I was so different from my family. My family didn’t know what to do about me, but being the only girl, I was always treated like a ‘time bomb’ waiting to happen. I was always treated like I did something wrong. I was under strict rules, as opposed to my brothers…rarely allowed to do things with friends, rarely allowed to stay after school for anything fun. My parents had so many boys, that with a girl, my father beleived I would be the worst, as I could get pregnant and all. For years… I [...]
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Stupid

  October 23rd, 2008 by sigleyy

I’m an alcoholic.I’ve been telling myself for half my life that I must stop drinking.I’ve been to a phsyciatrist,i’ve been to AA I’ve moved out of home and succeed to stop drinking but lost my wife doing so.I’m drinking now.I’m a very nice person.I hate life.I hate having loved ones because I know the pain they would feel if I jump.That thought of their pain adds to my pain whilst I’m still alive.I’m trapped.I must go through life suffering because I care about my families feelings.My son is my number one.Tears fall like rain and I choak ,swelling with dispair.I’m going to get the sack [...]
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Suicide Prevention Day

  October 21st, 2008 by ChrisIris

Today is a day to talk about something people don’t talk about often enough.

When I attempted suicide I was staying in my mom’s basement, temporarily, and I decided it was the final move. I was very depressed, and I didn’t talk about it at all (except to thousands of anonymous faces on the Internet). She didn’t want to read about my disorder, and neither did my stepfather. There was a language barrier. And a willingness – they had their own idea of what bipolar was and didn’t want that challenged.

I had been depressed a long time and part of it was chronic, intrusive [...]
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I’m sorta silly

  October 18th, 2008 by JoeyJo

Who has seen “The Dark Knight” ? Latley I feel I have been acting like the Joker. Out of no where for reasons I don’t understand I am more grim than ever and having suicidal thoughts. Silly little insane thoughts. If I killed myself:

I would use rainbow colors and glitter on my noose and surround my feet with candy so when people freak out and throw themselves at my feet, “oh look! Candy” to brighten their dark times.

Or if my retired officer dad finally wanted to get rid of his pathetic, dumb, good for nothing, daughter he’d use one of his beloved guns and [...]
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Why?

  October 15th, 2008 by mikro


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Final words…

  October 15th, 2008 by ray ray

I always told myself that suicide is the most selfish act one can do. Well, I guess I never experienced pain as I am now and have since the end of September. I have tried so many times to understand why I am in the situation I am in. I have been accused of some sexual criminal offenses which are false allegations. The allegations alone are enough to make me want to die because it is a person I am (was) very close to. I love her so much and I’d never do anything to harm her in any way. [...]
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Looking for a reason to keep trying…

  October 11th, 2008 by jess

I have mostly Major/Clinical Depression, however last year I had
a full-blown Maniac 10 month period that ended with me being
put in jail for 6 months (it was obvious to me and a few Psychs
that there was no crimal intent in what I did) however the police
officer booked me for 2 felonies…

So, at age 25 I was playing professional football (SD Chargers)
when I first became ill with major/suicidal depression. Along
with alcoholism and some mania this period lasted about 5
years and completely distroyed my life.

Starting over I found AA and it seemed as if a miracle had happened
(ie no [...]
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