Well this is my second posting, it’s been awhile, but as the title says I’m still here. If you want to know my while story read my first post titled “If I only knew then what I know now”. In summary i turned 40 yrs old not too long ago and suffer from social anxiety disorder. It’s not as severe as many others may have, I am able to function in society, but can’t make any real connections. In truth I’ve been alone my whole life. Even surrounded by family who I love and who love me I am […]
I’m in a website called The suicide project and at the top right corner it says Howdy Ashtar, which is not even my name. If my friends knew about this they would give me the rolling eyes look meaning, “what you up to now?” Typing and erasing in my head. It’ s almost six o’ clock in the morning and i’ve just rolled my seventh last cigarette for tonight. I had a good day. Slept until 2pm, then fooled around on my pc, ate, went out with my friends for bowling. Had fun. Then back home, fooled around a little bit more. Chatted with strangers. […]
The side of a belt is the only kiss I’ll get,
And the stings all the love ive known.
The only hugs are that of your hands on my throat,
 the marks you loved to leave werent supposed to be shown.
They were
“our little secret”
All these things are all that is known to me
Never told love wasn’t just for others to see.
I think I tried to deal, maybe it is testament to my failures..My curse will become my savior, as I look into this chambor, my savior is clear in this caliber, Thank You for trying.
9 years ago I was at the top of my game. Then my best friend died and everything started to unravel. In recent months, I have been abandoned by my therapist (following a session where I confessed I was contemplating suicide again, no less), my family, my partner, and the majority of my friends. I came across the perfect location on a walk to the beach a couple of weeks ago — a cliff overlooking the ocean – beautiful and frightfully high. So, rather than wasting my time sending out resumes, I plan to spend the coming weeks destroying all of my artwork, unloading all […]
I just don’t know what to do anymore. No matter what I try to do, either my social fears or my own lack of confidence conspires to ruin my plans. I can’t drive, I get paranoid of crashes. I can’t get a job, no one will hire me due to my lack of work history and my nervousness during the interview (on the rare circumstance that I get one). No matter what I try to do, it always seems to fail in the end.
Maybe that old quote I read is right, perhaps my only purpose is to serve as a warning […]
Just to give each other comfort that we are really not far from each other, where are you now?
I am in Luxembourg
He sat there crying because he couldn’t help me. I couldn’t even comfort him wl enough. I really am useless and pathetic. I might as well just go get it done now. Why wait any longer? I was already rejected by te school I pinned so much on. Already a dissapointment.
Tonight is the night. My last day on this earth. Thank you for all of your help. I have nothing else to really say.
Goodbye Cruel World.
Thanks for reading, bye.
One day at a time, just hang in there, sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom, its just that you stuck up for me, like a week ago. Thanks.
My life was finally looking up. With my pain being under control and my eating going back to normal everything was starting to look good. I had my future planned out and school was going great. I was having the best time with my friends and I couldn’t love my new family more. I sorted out how confused I was and realised how much I liked him and he liked me. And I finally got my best friend back.
But all in one day everything turns around.
Now I don’t see the point of anything. I don’t want to be here and I […]
I don’t even know what day it is anymore. I’m up all night and sleep all day. This is the week I’d planned on doing it.
In 6 days I am going to London with my father. In 14 days I’ll be dead. Going to London before i die is the only thing I’ve ever wanted.
I’ve always known that I’d end my life at the age of 17 at first i wasn’t sure, maybe I could hang on a bit longer. But now I am going to London and cant see why i should wait any longer. I know that my parents know that the end for me is near and i hope they will find peace after my death, that’s all i wish for them to have. Without me there will be no pain and no worries. I […]
I was ready to jump had everything ready, 3 months ago!!! and then I came here, people here and not my real life firends nursed me back to life and I found someone so preciouse to me here!
Spent the day cleaning the house… I want to make sure things are in order…
Made some brownies and took them to brother for his birthday… he still lives with my parents at age 40…
it is amazing that my family is so blind to how their treatment of me hurts me…. they have no clue how much they are hurting me… they have no idea how bad i am hurting on the inside… no one does… i put the plastic face on each day…. people have noticed that i am grumpy… but they just think i am under a lot of stress at work…. I am […]
I’m such a failure. Today I tried to kill myself. I tried to drown myself, had a panic attack and sat in the corner for 4 hours holding a razor to my wrist. I can’t even kill myself properly. How the fuck am I supposed to survive on my own if I can’t even do that.
I’m 14 and as said on my profile I am suicidal. I’ve been depressed for years and now its beyond bad. My my dad cheated on my mom and is asking for a divorce. I love my dad but I feel like he doesn’t care about me. Every time I talk to him he makes me cry. I also told some people about my problem but they all say that I need to go to the hospital. I sick of living the only reason I haven’t killed my self yet is because I’m scared to and I promised a friend I wouldn’t hurt myself.
I am 18, and I still wonder how I have survived this long!
Everything started falling apart at 16. I considered it, but then it got bearable again. And now it has gotten dark again.
My boyfriend decided he’d rather travel than try to make this work.
The only guy I have ever loved, has ditched me aswell. The only person Ihad confided in about everything, including my parents separation. My mother too has opted out, ran far away. Left with my sister and father, who emotionally abuses me and my sister as his way of venting that and the drinking.
I drink a bit, do drugs a lot […]
It’s Sunday again. Everyone’s out having fun with their friends. They’re going out or staying at home chatting with others or playing games or whatever it is, happily. If not with their friends, with their lovers or are flirting or what not with others. Either with others, or busy doing things that they enjoy to do. Or just plain, gone out with family or anything.
Me… I’m sitting here all alone again in my room. I see no one. In this prision cell of mine’s for years now, all alone. I find no joy in anything I do. The sadness and loneliness, slowly sucks the life out […]
Nobody asked me
as I was given life
if I really even wanted it
Nobody cared
about my opinion
on the matter
that affects me the most
They just decided
against my best wishes
that it had to be done
I had to be born
Since nobody asked me
if I cared for a life
I won’t ask anybody
if they care for mine