I have decided on March 16th as the day to end it all, 20 days from my 20th birthday. I will use either the helium hood method or my 12 gauge shotgun. leaning towards the shotgun. I refuse to go with the majority and write a note, but at the same time, I want someone to know, so I posted it here. Bye all, wish you all the best

Today was pretty slow at school. It was very cold outside. SO it pretty much sucked for the half part. I just finished my homework and deiced to get on here. And the comments from my last entry really cheered me up. Thanks :), so today the guy I like kind of got in this little fight with another guy and he pulled the other guys pants down. All of this went down in gym, and it was pretty funny. We both had band practice so that was cool. After I got home I took like a two hour long nap because I had a […]

Just a bit of me drunk feelings.

For as long as I can recall . For as long as I have been sad , I have been sad.

For as long as my life extends , I have been at peace with myself and at war with the world.

Last time I tried the “easy” way out was May 2009 , and again the very same month.

Or was it 2010. I cannot recall , have been binge drinking since then , only way for me to sleep , or to stay awake.

Those of us who recognize such feeling , such disruption in the brain that most likely will […]

a few books i really liked with relateable characters: By the time you read this, i’ll be dead by Julie Anne Peters, Impulse by Ellen Hopkins, and 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher.
I cut my upper leg about 2 months ago (i haven’t cut for 2 months. im so proud!) but they’re still pink. 🙁 when will they be white b/c i have a beach trip with my mum in 4 months?

I pick up the razor and draw the line,
not too thick, one thats just fine.
Watch the blood trickle and seep,
As I sit there and lonely weep.

Flush this life away…before my eyes,
Life’s not easy when it’s full of lies.
You always gave me grief, I was betrayed,
Until I finally gave in and roughly caved.

It’s over now. Done. I’m gone.
Gone, to a place where I belong.
Up a few thousand miles to the skies,
Where there’s no hate, greif or lies.

Everyday I hope to die.  I’ve worked very hard to make a good life for myself.  After using drugs since I was a child (18 years) and going to jail for a few years, I found recovery.  I went to an outpatient drug rehab and to 12 Step meetings.  They really did help me put my life back on track.  I learned that I always felt depressed and used drugs because of where my life was at.  Fortunately, by learning from others who have recovered from similar situations, I recovered too.  I went to two colleges and earned a degree in Business Administration, and a […]

I have a class called Group guidance and the guidance counceler is the teacher and by friday i need to bring in a long-term goal.I have a goal but if i give it in it will seriously bring me into her office and i don’t want that.Any suggestions on a long-term goal that will not land me in a guidance councelers office.Really appreciate it.

what exactly is an exit partner?

Sp is getting taken.my mom found out.she will know everything.

I love you all so much.you all hav me email.please message me any time.I love you all.
Good bye

i dont need this website anymore. my mom and i are fine. i have a new boyfriend and my friends are taking me to icon for the anime fest. my mom n i are moving away so no one will piss us off. i might get a new dad. i got a new car. ive been excepted to 4 major art school. and i got a new puppy. hehe life has turned around for me. im happy now. and no longe worry abut suicide. =)

im free… finally free of the darkness. hehe i still miss my daddy but hes with me. hehe i can feel […]

Am i ever gonna be able to trust anyone again? i’m afraid at this point i have no one to turn to for advice or help…. i was going to do “it” when i was home alone the other day i hate finding the courage and letting it run away… im more scared then i have ever been in my life…. if i have one….. more or less to i want do keep it? that’s the real question right? whether or not we want to live…. even though it’s not really our choice whether we live or die we still have the power to take life […]

No se que hacer ni como detener esto, desde que tengo 12  he tenido esta clase de pensamientos, ahora tengo 21 y sigo igual. He ido con muchos psicologos y ninguno funciona, tambien he hablado con una tia que me ha dicho que el ser feliz depende de uno, pero que hacer cuando no tienes ganas? simplemente se me dio la vida pero no estoy interesada en hacer algo con ella, realmente no he encontrado cual es el ingrediente que me hace falta pero aunque sigo mi camino por la vida, estudio, ahora trabajare, tengo novio, mascota, voy de fiesta nada llena ese vacio, tengo […]

I’m running out of room, gonna need to buy some long sleeved shirts (:

I can’t fight the urge to end this life.  This is a dream that I can’t wake up from.  But you always wake up when you die, right?  When I look back at my life I don’t see anything.  My memories fade as quickly as they’re created.  The pain inside me erases everything.  Like passing a magnet over a hard drive, it sweeps across me and leaves a blank empty shell.  Pain has become the only feeling I experience.  It defines me.  It preys on me.  I see so much beauty in the world.  I understand it, but I can’t feel it.  Colors dulled.  Life […]

I hate myself. I am fat. None of my so-called friends bother to talk to me anymore, and I hate talking to people, so making new friends is out of the question. Everyday, I write words of hate and suffering on my arm, and everyday, my mom tells me to wash it off. If only she saw what I was writing. I went to the guidance counselor twice. She wasn’t much of a help.
My parents don’t care. My father’s never home, and my mother, just because she’s insecure and frustrated with her crappy life, lashes out on me. She’s abuses me in every way […]

Since my last cut.

Now I’m back counting again.

2 minutes now, since my last cut..

2 seconds..

3:1. This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
3:2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3:3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
3:4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

Because there are just still so many beautiful people out there (yes i mean YOu people here at project and other internet places i visit regularily…), by beautiful i mean – true beauty as it shines in the soul.  I love them all so very much for their purity and humility but one day and this day will most likely come, the wave will crush me so badly that I will have no choice. I lament to god everyday how I just want to go and leave this planet so badly and return to my spiritual homeland.

I barely have the strength to make the day […]

I know I’m not really one to talk seeing as I’ve tried twice and failed, though I did come very close to succeeding on both tries. But on the second try I had to time to think as I lay dying. All the people that were around me at that time told me how much they really care, and I could tell they really meant it. And I honestly thought they didn’t, that no one cared and no one would miss me if I were gone. But I was wrong. I just didn’t pay enough attention because I was too trapped in my own little […]

I’ve found it
I found the one thing
the thing that’s only for me

It’s the one thing that I do for myself
without worrying about everyone else
about what they want
or what they need
and how they feel

I don’t have to show it off
I don’t need their encouragement
or their criticism
or even their approval

It’s the one thing I can do
and I don’t need any instructions
the one thing I am good at

Because no one can make me bleed
in quite the same way that I can