No one will probably ever reads this, but I still want to tell my story, even if it´s just for myself.

My mom and dad got a divorce when I was 2. They both have their good and bad sides. Basically: dad is narsissistic and mom drinks too much. I had eating disorder when I was thirteen, and since then it´s gotten worse. When I was 17 I was sent to psychotherapy, which has been a great help but tells about how serious eating problems and how deep my depression was, and still is.  I´m 18 right now, and I should have the whole life ahead […]

hi…i love the home page…tell us your suicide story…..well….my story is it didn’t work….but i’m delaying for now and that is only because my attempts fail…..i’m finding valuable info here. thanks for the posts.

It’s been a few months since I posted anything of commented on this website.I think in my last post I was going to go on how I got to be suicidal and when I was going to kill myself but,It seems that my life has taken a 180 turn around.I know that nobody here propley remembers me on this website and if not I’m ok with it.I origanally joined this website to help people out throught their strugles in life and battles with depression however,I was the one who needed help.My proplem was that I coulden’t let go of the countless years of school bulliying […]

Visited my psychiatrist today. She thinks I’m ready for inpatient hospitalization. I’m so underwhelmed by the medical community that I really think it would be a waste of time. The thought of going inpatient scares the crap out of me, but it may come down to that or hanging myself with the laundry in the closet. May not be the right place to ask this question, but has anyone had a good experience going inpatient? I say it may not be the right place because if you had a good experience you probably wouldn’t be on this site. Everything […]

Right now, it feels as though I am staring into an abyss, and I have no idea how to get out of it.

I’ve struggled with depression for the past thirteen years. (I’m 24 now.) I have an autistic spectrum disorder, on-and-off severe depression, and possible adult ADD. I’m a student, and don’t have the required education to work in a field that wouldn’t overload me to death, but I can’t just take “any job.” I haven’t had any success applying for long-term benefits because I’ve pretty much received no actual comprehensive help in dealing with these things, and I am TERRIBLE at managing paperwork, and […]

I ask myself everyday, why people fight to stay alive? I can’t wait for this life to be over. My sister is a 40, I am 41, she has cancer, and given 6 months to live. I am so jealous of her, she is the luckiest person I know.The only reason I stick around this hellish life, is to take care of my kids. They do not have anyone else in the world that would take care of them. I was married to their POS dad for 18 years, and he split, quite his job to get out of paying any child support. The job that he […]

After fucking 8 days clean i relapsed and cut again. Life sucks, I mean all i can do is write.  My mom hates me, if i died more than sad she would be relieved. My bro is pretty awesome and it would hurt him but he’s “the golden one” he wants to get into homeland security. My mom’s so proud of him. I’m the disgrace. My dad’s never around. But I don’t care, I hate him anyway. I hope he never shows his face again. If i ever say i’d rather die than blank blank blank, it means shit. I’d rather dietha live. I’m done […]

My friends, we never meet each other, even I don’t know what your names are. But I know you are there, you are always there. I’m very grateful for your help. Don’t worry about me, my life is OK.

China is my hometown, USA is my husband’s hometown. I love two.

We only have one world. I really hope the world without any more war, no pain, & no sad.

(The “angels” still studying history and psychology…, let it be. I will fly to planet by UFO tomorrow.)

Objectively one could say I’m pretty (I even hear gorgeous and beautiful a lot. Sexy, more than anything – I’m 5’6″, 115#, 32DD-25-35, blonde hair, blue eyes), I’m intelligent, educated, I have a high paying job with a lot of responsibility, I’m funny, well read, “street smart”, I have a fantastic memory, I learn quickly, I’m kind, empathetic, understanding, open minded, thoughtful, loyal, honest and passionate. But what good has all that done for me??? I am totally alone. my heart feels like it is filled with shards of glass. I know that no one in this world can be trusted, or counted on. I […]

i dont know who i am anymore. and it scares me. i know who i want to be. and i know who i pretend to be, but somewhere along the way ive lost who i actually am.

ive made really dumb decisions. really dumb.

ive slowly but surely lost all my best friends, and as they went my new friends came. but i loved my old friends. they knew the me before all this. they knew the me that was popular, pretty, fun, the me that everyone else wanted to be.

my new friends, they only know the me that has no confidence. no courage. the pathetic me. […]

i kno its sad but i hve made a list of things i wud like to complete before i die.

one. i wud like to finish reading a tale of two cities.
two. i wud like to start a fight at school with the kids who bully me.
three. i wud like to scream. see i hvent done it and pple say its good for you.
four. i wud like to stay silent for a day at school.
five. i wud like to kiss tina again.
six. i wud like to try a joint of marijuana for curiousity’s sake.
seven. i wud like to scream and […]

~Soulless~

I see your star… shining
Far away up in the high…

Someone calls me higher and higher
I fly up

Someone strews my wings with lead
…I’m falling…
…I can’t see you…
…and I…
fall into the dust.

There is still this feeling of loneliness I cannot escape.  A deep social isolation which has been embedded into my soul, instilled from childhood.  Early in life, I felt the sting of rejection after rejection after I gained weight and lost all my friends.  I became a total social outcast for no good reason other than I was different.  I struggled during lunch time to find tables to sit at as no one wanted to speak with me.  There were many times where I’d spend my lunch time in the bathroom, not wanting to feel publicly awkward.  The downward spiral of social rejection continued past […]

Fuck your sorry. You don’t know anything and you’re just the same as almost everyone else. Fuck you.

I feel worthless, like all of what I once was has disappeared..
I was clever, creative, pretty, and a good person but now I feel like I am useless at everything (so I am reminded) and just a smudge on the world that must be erased. I didn’t think I deserved all of this but it has come..
I miss my old self…the old self that I can vaguely remember.
I have kept all my emotions and darkest secrets to myself, but now all those emotions and secrets are weighing me down one at a time being placed onto my back, I honestly just want […]