My intro to this site, explaining what I’m going through.

When I was 9, I was a cheerful child. My parents were rich, and brought me everything I wanted. I was popular at school and got high grades. 

One night my brother, who was 12 at the time, raped me. I still don’t understand why he raped me, he wasn’t under any influence.

My parents found out, because I told them. My brother went to a youth court, and pleaded guilty. He’s since been in and out of jail, for drug use,  sexual assault, and theft. He told me I ruined his life, and I know I did. It’s all my fault.

I never got over my brother […]

These problems don’t have solutions, I am rotting inside this cell,my body is like a prison, only DEATH can save me from this hell…..

It stops when I either put the Helium hood on (after hand cuffing myself) or put the 12 gauge to my heart and pull the trigger. I am no teenager looking for attention or a person with little to complain about. I have been type 1 diabetic since the age of 15 (I am now 29) and the shots are proving to be too much for me. Last year I found out that I had a record breaking (size) Clear Cell Meningioma in my head that for whatever dumb ass reason I had it removed, but……….not before it left me blind! I can’t fuckin see, […]

The pain is growing, uncertainty looms,

the darkness descends and the mist will come soon,

it makes me cold and it makes me quiver,

 but I have found a passage that may just deliver,

 it will take courage, with no end in sight,

 but I know I want you to come along for the fight,

 when things are hard and it’s easier to quit, take my hand and we can sit,

 I’ll fight you’re demons, I’ll take you’re pain,

but I can only do this if I hear from you again,

 the road will […]

i cannot deal with it. i try all the time to be this strong, careless individual, i like people to think that i am so self confident that nothing can bring me down, but in turn, people feel like no matter how mean they are to me, it wont hurt me. but it does. it aches. and the vague humour that used to exist has vanished and now im just finding there is no one i can turn to. someone told me the today that my birthday was coming up in a few days and i almost fell to the ground and cried. not about […]

It’s been forever since I posted anything on here. That may be due to my parents spazzing at me for looking at a website having ANYTHING to do with suicide, considering my condition at the time. But whatever, i’m back. I’ve missed you all lots and I can’t thank you enough. I’m not better or anything though. I still have my suicidal thoughts ALL the time and i’m still cutting although not nearly as often. But this site definitely gave me a relese that wasn’t harmful to myself. It allowed me to vent and express my feelings. I’ve met people who i’ve been able to […]

I woke up today telling myself I’d be positive today to try to see if it was auctually possible for turn my life around. I blared music and hopped down the steps.
My roommate left a towel in the fucking downstairs sink and water was everywhere. I didn’t see it, being so ‘happy and positive’. I slipped, rammed my head on the floor and screwed my back up. Not to mention being mocked by two people on the way around town today.
What a load of shit. I would have had better luck if I had just stayed in bed like I should of.

My name, doesn’t matter. Right now its all about the story.

There was a point in my life when I use to lay awake at night, when I would break down in public outings with my family. No warning or no reason, just the sick depression closing in upon me that would make me choke up and begin to cry in the middle of dinner. I once considered cutting myself, I once considered suicide. But I’m getting ahead of myself, so I suppose I should start at the beginning. There once was a guy in my life, I considered him my best friend. I was (unfortunately?) […]

You may have heard this story before,you may not.It is all relevent because this is my story.I am an Asian-American.Being different is said to be a good thing but the majority of you do not truly know the meaning of this.You have never been a total outcast of an entire school system.To be teased in an all white school system every day!Day in and day out.To be rejected by even the most unsocial of classes!To have everyone sickened by the sight of you.It’s not like I’m disgusting looking.I considered my self to be fairly handsome (at the time).Imagine starting your existence this way.I know it […]

i wish i could be somewhere els , i really want to be happy iv tryed for so long ,im only young but i’v been through so much and its stupid coss i dont want to be that depressed girl anymore i love haveing fun but at the end of the day , happyness fades and reality kick’s in .
i have no friends , only 2 members of my familey actually talk to me . iv been raped beaten by guys , heart broken bullied for what i look like . every day is the same . i dont want to die i just […]

Although nowadays I rarely actively post in this wonderful website anymore, yet I still often follow and observe many posts here. Some have become a bit of spamming, which is so unfortunate IMHO, but I am glad that there are still some sincere, honest, human-heartfelt posts here I’ve noticed.
And of all these sincere, honest heartfelt posts, I’ve eventually noticed, and learned, that there’s really one common tread that if I may summarize it in one short phrase, it is this: It seems really ironic that nowadays we may have forgot about being Human, and instead become more like a Machine. Not asking (with empathy) […]

I guess I need to rant just as much as anyone else here.
For the last who knows how many years I’ve been depressed. For the last 3 or so, it’s just got worse and worse.
I have a shit job, am alone and ugly. I haven’t dated a girl in 5 years and haven’t had anything close in almost as long. I hate myself too much to approach women and feel like I’d just be wasting their time, and mine.
I don’t hate the world or think it’s unfair- I just fucked up my life and I’d prefer to quit while I’m ahead.
I […]

I fell in love with someone on an online game.  We were happy for a long time, talked on the phone constantly.  This girl decided she liked him and he told her he was interested in me.  He didn’t say more in order to spare her feelings.  She has never stopped liking him and even thinks they are dating.  He doesn’t correct her to spare her feelings.  He doesn’t care how much the whole thing has hurt mine on a constant basis.  I have to see her character sitting next to him in town.  I have to hear her write in guild chat about how […]

I feel suddenly disengaged from the site and I see (maybe) others are as well. There’s been a recent surge of activity on the forum that is less than desirable, noting in particular the spamming Islamic threads! Now I’m not personally against someone expressing their views (I have my own) but only when it is done discreetly. These islamic threads are in-your-face populating the front page of SP and it is downright annoying! Please moderators take a stand on it. I’m a moderator on another forum myself and we have a policy that we take the lead to moderate the forum for the best interests […]

I have found only release in cutting. Particularly my wrists just for convenience sakes. My parents found out and sent me to various therapists, none of whom could help me with my “problem”. Recently I saw my old razor blade that my dad took away from me in his cabinet. I hunger for it, but I know that if I took it, I would be found out.

I also struggle with suicidal thoughts, such as drinking ammonia and bleach. I don’t know what to do. And everyday is just a fake smile, hanging out with my fake friends. I can’t talk to them, and really say […]

Dear whomever this may concern,

I have nothing worth hiding, not anymore. If my parents and teachers already know, how much worse could it get for me? My friends still have no idea, they still see me as shy. Never my name, and the word “suicide”, never could they possibly be connected.

Only the word missing.

That is what I plan upon. It’s early fall here in Ohio, the leaves are beginning to change their colors, buckeyes falling to the ground, the air is getting cooler with every passing day. I was warned early on to never eat anything I find in the woods, and with eight years […]

I have tried the following methods:

1. Drinking bleach – It made me throw up shortly after ingesting it. My stomach burned for weeks. Unsuccessful.

2. Hanging – Did not know how to tie a correct noose, and my head slipped out after my throat was crushed. Could not swallow well for a few weeks. Painful.

3. Prescription drugs – Did not have enough to complete the job apparently. This method was pleasant and I am looking forward to trying it again with morphine,or the h2s method just waiting for the right time now ,not be long now been suffering now for 12years any tips on getting better […]

I stand at a strange turning point in my life. I’m a researcher. A student of life. I look upon peoples hopes, dreams, and aspirations and wonder. I feel foreign to it all. I want those that read this to understand me just a little. Any who choose  to respond may do so, but i ask that you ponder heavily upon what you say, considering all that i have written.

I am young. Not as young as you would think, but too young in many peoples eyes as to deserve condolences or ridicule for even considering leaving this mortal realm. But my life thus far has […]

I use to think that if my parents changed and if I found some friends than I would like life again. That was the hope that I held on to for SO LONG.

Well, my parents changed and I now can actually say I like them. I have really great friends and a really great younger sister. I do well at school…

Except I’m numb. I can’t cry. I can’t be happy.
Everything seems SO pointless. I hate life.
There is NOTHING here for me. There is NOTHING that I actually enjoy. There is NOTHING I want to do or be.
It’s just POINTLESS. I HATE HATE […]