Just the other day i woke up in the middle of the night, I had a nightmare. I just stopped seeing my girlfriend and she has allready moved on. That hurts me, sure it does. But i dreamt that i walked into her house, she was sitting with her new guy and, i pulled out at gun and blew my own head of. I woke up, terrified of what i had dreamt, and i couldn’t let the thought go. Everytime i am doing anything, i am thinking about how it would be, if i got up and killed myself, right now. And often my life […]

Teachers think they know everything, but they don’t.

Chemistry is the dullest class ever, especially when my teacher Mrs. Krud  (yes, that’s her real name) drones on and on about carbon solutions and blah, blah, blah.

I’m usually lost by the time she says the word “Today” at the very beginning of cass.

It’s easier to daydream, most of the time it’s about pickign up a two-by-four and shooting up Mrs. Krud’s classroom. I don’t have many violent thoughts when it comes to other people, but Mrs. Krud is the devil reincarnated, how a man ever came to marry her is beyond me.

“Violet, do you know the answer?” […]

I attempted suicide for the first time just a few days ago… I am still here, however. I took 33 sleeping pills and drank more than enough vodka to get really messed up. I’m not going to lie, I woke up the next day and hated myself even more for still being alive. There have been many horrible events in my past that to be honest I don’t even care about right now. See, I had the greatest friend in the world, he was always there for me, helped me get through any obsticle put in my way. He couldn’t of been a better friend, […]

I am 19 years old.  I have spent the past 8 years struggling with depression.  I have tried to kill myself three times.  I have spent time in a mental hospital.  I meet with a therapist twice a week and a psychiatrist once a week.  I have tried several antidepressants, which so far barely have an effect.  Nothing works except the various recreational drugs which I use to self medicate, such as marijuana, alcohol, prescription drugs, and whatever else I can get my hands on.  I can’t remember the last time I went a full day without getting fucked up on something.

I have been cutting […]

I’m locked into this idea of suicide, I read about it, think about how I can do it, but too chicken to do it, I’m manipulative and not sure why, I’m trying to break out, but I keep doing things to make others think I’m not well, when I really am very well and able as well, I feel guilty but each time I do or say something it’s like a nail in the coffin that I said it and that’s the way I’m going to behave. So if suicide doesn’t work I want to drink or I want to just be a bum […]

The only person in this world that i feel who gives me hope is my guy friend, i met him not too long ago. he helped me when i broke up with my boyfriend.. Im starting to fall for him.. And now i found out hes moving after the school year is over, i feel like since hes moving that means we werent meant to be and no oneelse is out there waiting for me..

It’s my turn, Phoebe escaped this cruel and punishing world.. Is it my turn ?!

Having a gun,or a rope, or a knife…knowing there’s a way out..a way that finally I can control..it helps..

I know they’re are people worse off than me. But, to me; my problems are too hard for me!

Uhmm, lets see. Mymom abuses me. Every damn day of my life. My Dad could give two shits less about me. I’m COMPLETELY in love with a guy who hates me. My neice now has lukemia. My grandma is slowly getting very very sick. I have no one in my life who cares. i NEED him; but he don’t care. i need a reason to stay, or im gone..

Yes, sir.

No, sir.

Yes, ma’am.

No, ma’am.

Him: “How the hell am I supposed to help you if you won’t talk to me?”
Me: I don’t want you to help me… I just want you to listen…
Him: “Then talk to me.”
Me: I can’t…
Him: “K. Whatever, talk to me when you actually want to talk. I’m sick of trying to talk to you and ending up feeling like shit.”
Me: Okay… Sorry…

End of conversation.

Nights are the worst.

Nights are when I get to lay there and think. Think about what I have become. What a failure. A disgrace to even be living in this house.

Mom: “What’s wrong?”
Me: *Shrugs shoulders* “Just tired….”
Mom: “Are you sure?”
Me: My eyes […]

I have A good enough rope. I know how to make A noose. I know where I could Hang myself. I probadly won’t today, I probadly won’t tomorrow, or even this week. I ask again, what or who is their to stop me?

I’m ready to give up.

I went to visit Alyson today, like always do on Tuesdays.

Her mother answered the door, just like she always does when I knock on the door.

“It’s so nice to see you Violet, I bet Alyson will be delighted to see you”, her mother smiled at me, the same smile she ways gave me. 

 It annoys me, that smile the whole family seems to have painted on their faces, even Alyson. No one can be happy to have their child dying, no one can be happy that they’re dying of cancer, but still I see those smiles on their faces every time I visit, and I kind […]

“The deepest people are the ones who’ve been hurt the most.”

Is there something extra fun than attending Hen Evening to have a good time the impending end to one of your closest friends or relatives freedom? There is just nothing like gathering a celebration of feminine pals together and enjoying a Hen Night. In fact, you are going to need to be certain you have the appropriate enjoyable garments to put on to this very particular event. One thing that has turn out to be quite widespread for play wear as part of the Hen Night accessories is a black tutu or a pink tutu – classic hen party.

Thats right. Tutus usually are […]

I haven’t really told anyone about my pain I feel. Whenever someone asks me if I’m alright I usually go into auto-pilot and act all cheerful and bubbly, like they expect me to. But I can’t go on living this life, this lie everyone expects me to live. They want me to be a professional. They want me to be a model. They want me to be perfect; like the rest of the family. I try to reach their expectations, but I always end up failing one way or another. I’m fat, I never had a boyfriend, I’m not intelligent, and I never heard a […]

You.
Are a monster.
A cold blooded being.
No heart.
No soul.
Lust.
That’s all you need to complete yourself.
Feelings.
Don’t matter.
Don’t mean shit to you.
Trust in you.
That’s what it was.
God, i just wanted to be helped.
I thrust my heart at you.
You decided it was time.
Time to take serious advantage.
Of my naive, needy, childish feelings.
I handed you my heart.
Gave it right to you.
What did you do?
You didn’t just break it.
You used your fingers to puncture it.
You wrapped your hands around it and pulled.
Once ripped in half.
You took my […]

this is fucking stupid, i had such a good day today, although right now im feeling suicidal. i fucked up so bad with that girl but i thought shed still give me a chance, im so in love with her. im sorry for everything, i just wana disapear. is there any safe way to get amnesia? idont wana remember anything, i want to start fresh. i hate my life, today was just at its full extent of pleasure but it wouldnt happen again soon, why the fuck is it me

You write down how you feel. but people dont really know how hurt you are cause they cant hear your voice the tune the stutter the pain. suicide is the right thing to do.

Here comes de silence again.
The silence that brings the cold breeze.
The silence that drowns me in the pit again.
Oh dear… How can we stand this?
How can we woke up it all?

 

Despair. Just that.

So.. I really don’t know why I’m writing this. Being different isn’t fun, really… It isn’t. I mean maybe in movies! But in real life it’s just called being out there& having no one like you. They can pretend, and at times you may fall for it, but there’s always moments in life where you realize that no one really cares.