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For those of you wondering why I’m depressed, heres most of the story.
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Dr.Meyers office was bleach white, the kind that made your eyes hurt if you looked at it for too long. You’d think having to sit there at a plain little desk all day in that pale room would kill a person. Turns out their are worst things.
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“You could try talking about it”, Dr.Meyers glasses were square, they weren’t exactly out of style, but they seemed a bit nerdy to me.
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I shook my head, balling my knees up to my chest. I bit down on my nail beds, a habit I had had since […]
My screams are silent
Only the winds howl
Makes a noise
I have no energy left
But I try to stand
Using whatever is left
But why try?
Wouldn’t it be easier to give up?
Maybe it would
But I still try because maybe if I try long enough
The winds will be strong enough to make me fly
And then maybe I just need those wings
And that wind
Then I’ll be okay
I know will
So I keep fighting
Because if I gave up
Then others would lose the hope
I tried to give them
I hope I didn’t fail to bad
And someone found hope
Out of what I had
My cries are silent
Only the winds moan
Makes a noiseÂÂ
I have no energy left                              ÂÂ
But I try anways
Not to let it push me over
But why try?
Wouldn’t it be easier to give up?
from the age of fourteen things took a radical downhill turn for me. My brother was abusive. i only realized when we learnt about abuse in school that the way he pushed me into walls and twisted my arms until i was writhing with pain, and stuffed pillows over my head until i had run out of air wasnt normal… that not all big brothers, the one i looked up to my whole childhood, beat up their sisters to the point that you would flinch when he even looked at you. my brother used to tell me i was fat, i was useless, i was […]
I’m a 15 year old girl. I have faced so many problems that no one, young or old, girl or boy, should ever have to face. I have tried several times to kill myself, but every time, something’s gone wrong. Whether someone caught and stopped me, or I just couldn’t find the will, I’ve managed to fail. I’m a useless wreck and I want out.
My dad’s an angry, violent alcoholic. No matter what I accomplish, it’s not enough. He hates me. I’m a well-behaved straight-A student. He’s disappointed. I’m slightly under average weight. He calls me fat. He almost killed me once. I kind of […]
i read all the comments i got they were helpful ( no im not going to say u don”t understand) i got two best friends who i recently told about my suicidal thoughts but not the cutting or why i have these thoughts because idk even know why but i do know why i feel like this. They look at me differently now and i cant take that if i get help and the people around me knows they will treat me differently and that’s hard when you like being by yourself. Im fine with most people treating me like im nothing because […]
Hi, I’m 15.
so, you may ask, what’s a 15 year-old doing on here? When I first made the account, I thought I had reasons. Do I have family problems? Nope, not as far as I can see. School? It’s there, but it’s not making a huge amount of difference. See, the problem here is my mind.
8 months ago, I was diagnosed as having an extreme case of bi-polar. I’ve been known to, in my moments of depression, shut myself in my room for a week. In my moments of hysteria, I nearly killed someone. I’m quite extreme, but I’m more of a danger to myself. I’ve […]
Hello beloveds.
I am broken and lost. I am anxiety ridden and hurt beyond my own comprehension. Perhaps because I speak none of the wrongs against me. It’s just my way. I used to believe love was the driving force of the universe…. But it’s as if I was asking for the disasters to ensue like a small, soft little girl to take on a world bent on remaining miserably selfish and mean…… yet it could be that i’m the selfish one meanly accusing the innocent of having wronged me. The throws of my mind have me depressedly surrendering to the conclusion that maybe I embody […]
I’m suicidal all the time, even after I try to end my life. I may stay this way forever, no matter what, but I will somehow try to survive.
if anyone after having a rough/hard day needs someone to hear them out please visit
http://leaveitallbehind.weebly.com/chat.html
there we can talk 🙂
This is Tika. I’m 37, never married, no children… all by choice, but my mama died in 2008, supposedly from Alzheimer’s at 56 yrs old, my best friend and cousin was killed in a car accident, my pawpaw died, my boxer dropped dead in front of me ( btw, I still have my 12 yr old chihuahua, Nathan, but he had $5100 worth of skull/brain surgery in the past yr or so. He’s all I have left. The love of my life just went to prison, for assault with serious bodily injury, he crushed my face and fractured the other side, knocked out four teeth… but I kept smiling cause I didn’t want to provoke him, he was drinking and snorting morphine, (something he’s not used to) But he said he had to get f—ed up to get the balls to do what he did to me that night. We’ve been together off and on for 11 yrs. He asked me was it possible to love somebody to death ( and he reinerated “to death) I told him I couldn’t be with him because of the life he was living… I’ve already had two abortions by him, which of course I regret, but he denied them then, and I didn’t wanna bring children into a life of crime, not knowing where there daddy was, locked upor dead. Listen, I called the hospital that night to make sure no cops would be involved. Little, did I know when I was running, bleeding, and just asking her to come pick me up, but she said she was drunk, she had already called the cops on him. I pleaded with them the police when they showed up at my house that I didn’t wanna press charges, but the state did anyway. I had almost $60,000 worth of surgery. I forgive him, cause I understand the frame of mind his was in. I’ve flipped the script on him many times over the yrs. Point of this long story is, I miss him, and when he gets out we’re not supposed to come around each other. But I don’t think I can make it til he gets out. I think about suicide everyday. I attempted suicide in 2006 and woke up in a coma. Now, I’ll take 8 Ambiens, and I still wake up every couple of hours. I wanna be with him when he gets out. My father is a pedophile, T caught him in action. My sister doesn’t give a sh– about me. When my mama died, I had been living with her for yrs, I took care of her til the end til she was took to Hospice. When she passed over, I lost my whole world, my best friend. But my entire family, including extended family pushed me away, cause of the rumors my sister was spreading, plus they all knew I was suicidal and didn’t want me to die in their house, they were pushing me further into it.I live with a roommate now, that I worked at a bank with when I was 20. But there are issues there, cause he said he didn’t have ulterior motives, but he did. He’s a 40 yr old virgin, and I’m not what he thought I wasat the bank sweet and quiet and shy. I mean I am sweet, but I’m wide open, or used to be, I partied. I was a stripper for 8 yrs til a car accident. I know I’m rambling, but I have nobody to talk to. Men every day hollar at me, and this is the truth, wanting my phone number and they tell me how beautiful I am, but I’m so miserable, and they don’t know what I’ve been through. I’m damaged goods, nobody wants somebody who complains from the pain of the 4 metal plates in my face and screws. This guy right now, N I just took him to work he says he loves me , but yet he’s a thorn in my side. There’s a long story behind all that. He says I need to get over it already, and that I’m obsessing over T, the DA said it was the worst injuries he’d ever seen and the victim survived. Now that hurt my feelings. Anyway, I’m even losing my hearing in my left ear… he beat me with a lock by the way. Everybody said there was no way he did that with his bare hands, but I didn’t want to get him into more trouble. I called his public defender, like he said, and told her when the cops came to my house and questioned me I was on medication, so they supposedly threw that statement out, I didn’t even know I was making one. I don’t even know where I’m going with this, except that I need him here now. I don’t know if I can wait 20 some months. At first, they said he was looking at 20-25 yrs, then if he plead guilty and took a plea, 5-9. He wrote me letters begging me to write this affidavit and say I lied, that I didn’t know who did it. I begged him just to take the plea and not put me through a trial. Well, the DA called and told me just to come to his preliminary hearing to intimidate him. It worked,he plead guilty, but he got a better deal than anybody could have ever expected, esp. since he’s habitual. What’s wrong with me? Why do I want to leave with him now? After all he’s done over these yrs, I only feel safe in his arms. I don’t know if I can make it. But, I’ve come this far, I should just ride the rest of it out (life)? Btw, another ex, he got out of prison, he seen me at Walmart, he said I’d better call him that night, I didn’t, told him I didn’t live in the sme place. He ended up killing his on again off again gfriend, then shot himself. That was supposed to be me. I know I’ve just been rambling on about tiny details, but this shit, I guess is what’s leading up to me being so suicidal. I really need somebody to talk to besides my psychiatrist, who’ll put me away. I need somebody to identify with me , ya know? I don’t know how to work this and I hope when I try to put it out there I don’t delete it. Even though I’m a little embarrassed, I’ve divulged this much information. Let me see how this works and if anybody responds to me. I’m already gone to tell u I’ve took a lot of pills, not to kill myself, just to feel different, I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. Somebody please talk to me!
by Tika
by Tika
I haven’t written poetry in years… but.. Charlotte has inspired me. So, I started writing again.
For Charlotte, I will write for you until you walk again.
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Wishful Thinking.
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My days fly by,
My head in the sky,
I’m tired of feeling alone.
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She’s not inn my life,
To cause pain and strife,
And yet, I still feel alone.
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I hold back my tears,
I fight my fears,
Why am I still so alone?
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I died when she left me,
I’m broken and empty,
My love has left me all alone.
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I dream of the day,
She returns, and I say,
Now, I’m no longer alone.
It’s been two and a half years since I first attempted to end my life. I was 17 years old and going through a “rough patch”. My brother had died earlier that year and I was pretty much completely numb. Nobody really knew. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I hadn’t been thinking about it up to that point. I just remember getting home from school and looking in the mirror and just deciding that I couldn’t live anymore. That was that. I was done. I took a leftover bottle of pain pills I’d been taking for an injury and washed it down […]
hi, im back. i knew i wasn’t fine. i knew the next time something simple would happen (like a little argument with my family)i would break down. i ma at the moment. i literally would be cutting if it weren’t that im trying to type up my feelings before i actually do something that i know will kill me. i see no reason to stay alive. no one cares. dont try saying that you care because ive heard it and it doesnt help. even if i know you truly care. anyone has the ability to bring me down. i fel sick, emotionally sick. i dont […]
Two years ago I fell in love. I know, being a teenager (13-14 at the time, I’m 16 now) no one believes you when you say you’re IN love. But I was, hell, I still am. I instantly fell in love with Her, no doubt about it. We were/are soul mates, of that I am convinced. I knew she cut, and cut bad. Scars all up and down her forearms, calfs, heels, feet, hands, shoulders, sides, stomach, and back. That upset me. I struggled through her pain. We knew absolutely everything about each other, and had no walls, no secrets. We were crazy about each other. We […]
if i had known how lonely you felt i would have hugged you all night. if i had known how all you needed was a smile i would have stayed by your side told you how life can do this to you, accept your craziness tell you i’ve been there too and have seen the depths of despair and confusion. I know what its like to think you’re going to lose it to feel like your on the verge of insanity to wonder how far away your head can trail. come back. come back. hold on tightly to me and stay here till you feel like you can stand firm on solid ground.
by Carol
by Carol
i think about suicide all the time my life sucks and i hate it .
i m still alive because of my family especially my mum
i hate my life everything is bad . I’ve been having hair loss for about a year now that’s one of the problems . I even have heart problems and i have about 1 month pregnancy and i still didn’t tell my boyfriend . I m 13 years of age i’ll be 14 soon . Sometimes i smoke because of stress and .
i hate my life so much. About a month ago i was going to jump off from a very […]
Hi, I’m new to this site and this is my story…
I’m currently a high school senior and about to graduate… I got into a good college and I should be happy that all my hard work is almost finished but a single detail is missing; I won’t be graduating. I’m a decent student (I get A’s and B’s) and nothing should be a problem with school work but last year my mom past away, and well… It resulted into an F on my English class for junior year 2nd semester. I did not retake the course during summer school since my plan was to take […]
hey, ive been waiting anxious to see a post from you will come up… at least it will be a sign that you are still alive. i hope you are okay. i’m tearing up. you don’t know the way i’m feeling right now. ill still be waiting for your response. FUCK THE ASS HOLES WHO TOLD YOU TO GO DIE ALREADY!
I keep focusing on the past. It’s been 3 years since he raped me… at school. And 3 years since my whole school started calling me a slut. I started believing them. That boy, my “friend,” was the first one I had ever had any sexual relations with. A freshman in high school, I made a name for myself really fast. I was forced to suck his dick before I even had my first kiss.
I believed it after a while. My mom calling me a “FUCKING SLUT!” and the jokes, “Watch out for the volcano; she blows!” A year later, I gave my neighbor […]