My best friend asked me if I was depressed today.

“Why would you ask me that?” I stopped walking and turned to face him.

Drake looked perplexed, shrugging his broad shoulders, “You haven’t been talking lately and you barely look at me anymore”.

I bit my lower lip, starting to walk again slowly with him by my side.

“No, I’m fine”, I lied.

I could see the expression on his face that meant he was hurt that I wasn’t giving him the truth. I turned away from his disapproving eyes, why did he have to know me so well? I thought I was doing a good job at hiding my doubts […]

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when […]

School is going to be hell today.

I used to like school, used to like learning about the english language and chemistry, but I don’t anymore. Now school just seems like another prison for me, somewhere people can bombard me with questions I don’t have the answers too, where kids can act like they don’t care if I live or die.

I bet they don’t care, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if they didn’t care.

I don’t really care what happens to me at this point, I’m just sick and tired of being trapped in this body where I’m not even comfortable in my own skin, stuck […]

Best way is quickly; but, have concern for who will find you. Make sure you will be alone for at least 12 hours to make sure you are dead.  There is pain involved.  So, do it quickly.  A gun to the right part of head.  Massive drugs of the right type; problem is getting the right type.  Knife if you can stand the pain to the heart.  Cutting wrists is slow and if someone saves you results in damage.  Good luck!  :>) !!

Everyone tells you when you think about suicide talk to someone.
I called everyone in my phone.
No one picked up.
My roommate is in one room, watching Lost, and my boyfriend in the other.
No one gives a shit.
Whenever I try to talk to them about this, they just turn their heads.
Whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about this, he always makes it worse. He says he’s going to call a hospital.
What hospital? What are you doing? Really? I would rather be dead than go to a hospital. The last thing that someone who […]

I continue to struggle with finding a desire to live. I’ve tried to many times. When i was 8 i tried to hang myself, that was the first time i tried. it came and went as a grew up. When i was 15 i lost my virginity to my 21 year old boyfriend at the time. He told me that if you don’t put out older boys won’t want to date you and that if i’m going to be with him i have to do older things. It was the worst minutes of my life. he was on top with all of his weight crushing […]

I was sitting on the couch today. I had just had a really emotional argument with my pregnant girlfriend. She left; crying. I sat there with the intentions of grabbing my rifle and doing the deed.
I don’t know why I didn’t. I didn’t have any revelations, and there was no divine intervention; I just didn’t do it.

I don’t care about anything except changing the way I feel. I almost can’t sit still anymore because the pain is too great. I feel like I am not supposed to be here, in this situation.

I don’t care about anyone.
I try, but I can’t find any compassion.

I […]

My parents decided to get a divorce today. Well, they’re not really my parents, it’s my stepdad and my mom.
I know I should feel some sort of remorse for him leaving my family, but I don’t, not for my sake anyway. I hate him. I have no reason too, and yet I feel like I do. He’s never hit me, or my mom, or my sister, but everytime he yells at us for the littlest things it feels like he does, it stings so much.
I used to not care, I thought I could take the vocal hurassment because he made my mother happy, […]

My life is actually not that bad; I have few major tragedies, no horrible history, no awful circumstances.  But what I do have is a level of self-loathing beyond what almost anyone could imagine.  I hate myself completely and throughout every day my internal monologue berates me, telling me how worthless and pathetic I am, what a failure I’ll always be.  Funny enough, I’m somewhat successful; I’m a good student, I have talents and skills, and I’m a reasonably kind person.  But none of that matters because at the deepest level I understand that I am a piece of shit.  It’s one of the most […]

I dont even know why im alive anymore. everyone has taken everything from me. my 5.0 gpa gone my 17min 5k gone im basically nothing anymore. its not even worth it. i just want to die. i street race hoping to crash into a tree and die. il never hit another car when racing because we race on closed streets and my car is just built to handle well go fast and get destroyed if i crash. every system that protects me has been shut off and my supports and frame have been compromised. but anyway i dont know anymore. people have destroyed me and […]

I don’t know who I am. Who does know who they are? My guess is no one really does, they just pretend like they do so no one else will see that they don’t know, and are scared of remaining unknown to themselves.
I thought I knew who I was. Pretty little Violet with a name fit for a rose, who loved to write, read, and just be by herself most of the time. I don’t know anymore. Ever since I started the tenth grade it’s as if everything I knew about myself has just been erased from my mind and I have to start […]

After reading some of these stories i should be happy for the life i have considering others. Just seems hard to though. I have 3 older siblings that are 10-13 years older than me, all three are married beautiful children and spouses. My two sisters are hot shot doctors who graduated top of there class from very well known schools. My brother owns several businesses in the town he lives in, also graduated top of his class. My family is like the hallmark greeting card. My parents expect so much from me, to be like my older siblings, be smart, be wealthy, be a religious […]

I dont deserve to live. They took someone off life support because they thought he would die anyway. I couldnt do anything to sleepy from that medication they gave me. You could hear the scream when they took it away and gave it to me. He should have lived not me.

I found a few pills nt quite wat thyr usd 4
thers a round bright pink one

a smal lime yellow on wit MJ engrvd

a bluish green one wit a line

an oval vry lite cream white wit APO-4OO engravd

nd tiny while pill..smooth texture….

cn any one tl me wat thyr usd 4….

i want to used thm bt thy wnt hlp much if thyr jus vitamins….i cnt buy any ova th counta pills without prescription…..so iv raided my medicine cupboard

Today I woke up feeling okay, I thought it might finally be a normal day. The sky outside, looked like it wouldn’t rain…But then as I looked a second time, the whole world turned to grey.

As if my very gaze polluted it, I can’t let myself be happy, can I? Should I, if I am so broken, be allowed to walk. I will step on the shards of broken glass that fall from my eyes to the floor in front of me. And when I slip and cut myself on them, I will watch my blood bleed..

Out onto the carpets that I was supposed […]

Let’s look at this in terms of reasons people use to live. You know, all those annoying people who go “Count your blessings!”. Well, here are my blessings. Thanks a whole fucking lot, asshole.

My Family:
Dad- Strongly dislikes me because I’m constantly disappointing him in that I don’t take good enough care of my health and that I am not smart enough. He loves all my sisters better than me, because there’s already one he loves for being cute, for being smart, responsible, nice, etc. There’s no role left for me, except for the stupid, loud, tagalong. I know he hates me, he just tries […]

We as human, call it wishes that came true, when it’s really coincidence. Why can’t I cry ? Am I sick ? Probably, what will doctors say ? Depression ? Ha! I wish, what is pain for you ? Do you feel the same as I do ? Is it some pressure on your head when your neck and shoulder are tensed up, when you can’t cry anymore because nobody cares, or is it because people are so selfish they won’t help others ? Is it that feeling that breaks you completly till you are on the floor with head on your hands smoothing the […]

i have never been good enough for anyone my parents are up my ass every second
im so done
with seeing you every
day and knowing you dont need me anymore cause im not enough for you and i still love you and yeah im bi
not just curious but bi for real and you got mad when i didnt tell you cause ive been ridiculed for it my whole fucking life just cause i sucked a dick or two yeah if it came down to it id choose women but god damn im not good enough for anyone anymore so why shouldnt i just […]

don’t give up because life is hard

feelings