I really do wonder every single day why my life is so pointless compared to the lives of others around me.  They have a purpose and see a future.  I have no purpose and I just live in the moment to just get to the next moment because the future is simply nonexistent for me.

It is so damned depressing to be working at my age and realize that I will never have enough money to stop working.  Every time I make a bit extra, an expense happens (hot water heater, for example), and it is gone.  I used to have a bit of money saved […]

It’s so absurd, the position I’ve got myself to. To despise myself so much, to feel so utterly worthless, yet still be so attached to being. To the memory of who I used to think I was, before I learned better. To the fantasy of who I could’ve been.

I have no idea how to reconcile those conflicting emotions. I should be dead. I shouldn’t exist. I’m a stain on this earth. But I don’t think I can wipe myself away. I’m still so attached to this world. Or to an idea of it. To being. To thinking. To conceptualising. Addicted to the contents of my […]

Well, I watched Cannibal Holocaust and I feel like shit. I mean, I expected this. I read reviews, watched videos about it, and I’m not sensitive to graphic content. But, this was so… gross. I’ve seen Saw and that movie didn’t come close to how immoral I felt. It wasn’t the gore, it was all the rape and just, sexual torture. It was horrible. Don’t fucking watch Cannibal Holocaust.

I don’t know why the title, but it isn’t what it’s not. Heh. I may be a little loopy.

Everything is exhausting.  I think I might be autistic. Or rather, further along the spectrum than just ADHD. I can’t people. People make distracting mouth-sounds. I can cat. Cats make soothing purr sounds. Everything is too complicated, and there’s too much of it. I’m an irritable mess and it only gets worse as the days drag on.

Reasons writer help To Think About Paying Somebody To Write A Research Paper

If you’re interested in finding a way to really get your thoughts out into the world, you might be considering committing some one to compose a research paper to you. You might be wondering if this is a good idea or not. Following are a few of the reasons why you might choose to think about this choice.

One: In the event you currently have a notion which you desire to research farther, and also you need to pay for someone to compose a research paper for you, it could save […]

Since I was a very young child (like 6 or 7, maybe 8), I have the idea that our existence has no sense, maybe because all the bad things that people do (in the country I live in the violence, war and corruption in all their forms have been present for decades). So I have always thought that all the humankind must be killed or destroyed. Even my family and the people I love? Yes. Even (specially) me. Then all these bad things that come with the human nature would dissapear forever and the world would be a better place.

Am I crazy for thinking like […]

Sometimes – I just want to die. It makes it hard for me to even want to try…
That’s the score – the crux – the core.. Cuz you don’t get me high anymore..
I don’t even mean what we used to smoke, or fux with, or snort.. Cuz you don’t get me-
I try.. I try.. A disgrace – I fall flat.. Right.. On.. My face.. Cuz you don’t get me high anymore.
What should I do..? Don’t fib to me.. Will you find a solution..?
What if I lose..? Will you rid me of my mind pollution…?
I don’t want to fight it […]

I literally don’t want to fucking do this anymore. That nauseating feeling that makes me want to rot away is constant nowadays. I am so drained. I don’t fucking care about myself anymore. I’m such a piece of shit. I’m not insecure about my appearance, it’s not that type of feeling. It’s me. I am fucking worthless as a person. I’ve been depressed my whole life. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Someone could break down my down and shoot me in the fucking face and I wouldn’t care. And why do I find it funny?

Does anyone else get excessively worried when going overseas? i.e. dealing with customs, the airport, etc…?

I had a friend I met on here. Whiskered-fish. Some of the older users may remember her as Kat. We’ve been chatting via email for over 3 years now. She’s one of my best friends.  I haven’t heard from her since April and I’m really starting to freak out. If anyone knows anything or has any ideas on what I should do, please tell me. I’m losing my mind.

i cant be the only one out there. and im not talking about cutting or not eating. although i do both. i mean doing things that completely fuck up your life and you know it. but you dont care. you wish it upon yourself. you hang out with shady people. doing drugs. drinking. but why care. why does it matter. whats the worse that can happen. you wish to die anyway. why not just make it easier. slowly pushing yourself over the edge. just waiting for you to finally do it. to finally completely not care.

Quick, while the boss is in a meeting.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

funny entities with no strings attached no purpose or meaning to it – life and death

This has been a long time coming… but it’s time. Monday will be my last day. That gives me enough time to research, write the note, and settle any loose ends.

My ex husband will constantly have control over my life. And I just can’t live like that any longer. He will never let me live my life in peace. I don’t do this as revenge but as an escape from the pain and hurt and control.

Edit: I dont know why i feel the need to post this. Maybe it feels more real this way.

“… For what is your life? It is just a vapor that appears for a moment and then vanishes away” James 4:14

I know I’m a fool, because I feel like it’s better to die in hell than live anymore. Worse still there are sins that I’m struggling to let go and it just feels like I’ll go to hell for them anyway. So why waste time? But God tells me every now and then through other people or random sources that it’s wise and better to keep living. Are you suicidal and a Christian? How do you reconsile yourself?

Another night here, lying in bed. Feeling how the life goes on, feeling how the time slips throught my fingers like water. Soon I’ll become 35 and there is nothing in my story more than two sheets of paper that say that once I went to college, a long time ago. No achievements, no relationships, no friendships, no job, no travels, no hobbies, not even a day in the park. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I’m still here, trying to keep standing on my feet, in this life, because there are people for whom my no-existence would be painful. I’m important to them, and I know that this […]

I’m a bit stressed because my ma is showing signs that she is depressed and dissatisfied with life. She’s in her mid 40’s, ex-alcoholic, and I fucking hate her sometimes. But, I almost feel like telling her she should get therapy instead of me because I don’t want her to end up killing herself and I’ve got to live with my dad. I’d rather kill myself than her kill herself. She should get therapy instead of me.

I’ve struggled with depressed and ptsd since I was 10 or 11. I’ve lost track of time but it’s whats most familiar to me. I was molested and raped by my 2 older cousins for close to a year. I remember everything they did to me; I was in 5th grade. I’m graduated from high school now. My family has told me they don’t believe me. People don’t take it seriously when I tell them something bothers me and triggers my ptsd. People victimize themselves when I don’t want to be touched . I’ve had previous suicide attempts. Starting when I was 13 […]

So I left and took the car my mom and me co-own but that she made most of the payments on. I went and stayed with a couple of druggies that offered to let me crash for a while but not before I took 666 dollars out of the joint account I had with my parents and bought a bar of gold using my dad’s Amazon store card to makeup for the shit he broke and refused to pay for. The druggies let me crash on their floor with a mattress from Monday to Thursday when they robbed me. I went down to the basement […]