SO here’s the thing- sure I’m depressed with MY life OFC. But I’m ALSO massively depressed bc of the way the world is run, how everything is rigged by the soulless assholes at the top who control everything. I’m depressed about the inequality, injustice, corruption, economic rigging, political rigging, hell pollution too. Thing is, most ppl don’t care about all this stuff, or if they do, they know it exists but go “eh.” It doesn’t bother most ppl enough to be upset about it for more than a few seconds.

Or they’ll feign anger or whatever emotion they feel like they […]

Nope.

We can’t trust “facts.”
We can’t trust “science” when “science” has an agenda.
We can’t trust anything we see in the media. The media is owned by capitalist soulless assholes, I mean billionnaires, who have an agenda.
We can’t trust anything a corporation tells us. Even “facts” like how much energy we’ve used read from our “smart meters.” Can we really trust that ANY of that data is correct?

Nope, we can’t trust anything anymore. Is it a wonder why ppl are depressed? Like yes, I’m depressed about MY life, but I’m also fucking depressed about this world. Or […]

Hey,
I’m just another 17 year old, who, like most you, found this website when I typed in “smooth passages” on incognito mode after reading about 300 pages of ‘my heart and other black holes’ in one sitting yesterday.
Am I depressed ? I’m not sure.
(I’m not even sure if I’d know cause who tf decides what depression feels like ? shouldn’t it be different for everyone ? you look it up on the internet, the signs of depression, and stuff like ‘ Increased engagement in high-risk activities ‘ comes up. I think that’s bs. )
I have a ton of people who’d call […]

humans are prone to find patterns, even when they aren’t there, so I’ve always tried to correct away. On that same note, human behavior tends to follow patterns, so I do tend to give some credit to any patterns I find in my own behavior

When I get really sad, I tend to look far off for some hope, something to grasp for. This much I know about myself.

shame has kept me silent about it for so long, even now I can’t confess to anyone who knows my name or face. Damned pride and damned my desire to not look silly and stupid. Because I am, […]

I’m rewatching a scifi comedy from my childhood, Red Dwarf on Britbox. Good stuff if it’s your sort of thing, it’s mine obviously. Anyway the premise of this specific episode I had completely forgotten until now; a squid with hallucinogenic venom that makes you hallucinate whatever makes you want to kill yourself

Anyway our crew run into it, and end up in a group hallucination where their actual lives had been a video game, and their “real world” personalities were awful people, the types of people they’d be ashamed of.

I wanted to bring it up, because often times waking up, reintroducing myself to “real life”, I […]

I had a very vivid dream this morning. I don’t remember too much now, but I remember it feeling very real at the time. For whatever reason, people from my lab or school or something were going to a fair. I don’t remember who, I just remember they were very familiar. However there was this one girl who I had never seen before. I don’t remember her face too well or how she sounded like, but it all felt very warm. In my head the name Auroran kept popping up, but I don’t think that’s a real name so […]

I’m so sick of being this. I hate being “me”. And yet I’m so attached to it, so stuck in my ways. I’m so full of hatred and resentment. I resent anyone with a happy life. Anyone who’s better than me. Anyone that gets to exist without this stuff going round and round in their head. But really, deep down, I just want to not feel this anymore. To be free of it.

But there is no freedom. Freedom would be non-existence. To let go of this self, with all its shame, fear, regret, longing, and return to the earth. And I’m not ready for that […]

If you don’t have friends, this won’t happen to you O_o

~3min

Here’s something cute:

~15s

All is well, I’ve found ways to save myself.

I kinda haven’t shared in awhile, haven’t felt valid given that in the grand scheme of things life is “good”, whatever that means. Like I vent a small bit here and there, but I haven’t talked to anyone about what’s actually in my head. Everyone in my real life thinks things are ticking along as planned, and they are, that’s what it’s supposed to look like.

but I still have feelings, unserved thoughts, unserved desires. I really don’t identify with other people…… the isolation is more stark being around people all day every day. Being alone all day again today it’s like, oh yeah, nice to […]

Was by not ending my life at 15. Sure there were some good times here and there but not enough warrant the daily struggle the suicidal character endures. Even the highest peak of pleasure known to man, that is – sex with a 10 still could not get suicide of my mind. I remember that encounter viv1idly. Years ago I was living briefly in South America. One night I got talking to an amigo   “,Amigo  marijuana no” i said whilst dropping voice low. “Si amigo” said the amigo he continued with “I know a place where the gir bls are like models  sexmassage you shoyld […]

I have more than a few reasons to believe I am neurodiverse with characteristics of ADHD and asperger tnedencies. But is it really so? Although focus is fickle and discipline feels somewhat defective, is this really reason? Are these traits not titles I may don in an effort to define myself and fulfill a want of authentic uniqueness?

Or is it simply a hard fact (theoretical for now). What If I have a brain/nervous system that has a reduced capacity to generate enough electric potential? To activate enough cells to achieve said concentration or power of will takes more resources than my biology can […]

Depression, sorrow, sadness, whatever you want to call it, depression and Apathy have gotten the best of me, I no longer want anything or feel anything, I hate life more than I have ever hated it before, the want to live keeps drifting with every passing moment. I pray to a god that I don’t believe in to take my life every night before I wake up. Then when my eyes open I am even more disappointed in the universe. Fuck this place, I find it very hard not to kill myself everyday.

A lot on my mind. Trying to organize it all, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get out everything. I never really do. It was a brutal first week. But not in the way I expected. The commute is the worse by far. Get up at 5 get to the office at 8:15 leave at 5:15 and get home at 8. Going to rent a car for this week. It will cut that commute in half easy. The job itself was actually not too bad. Best one of these I’ve had so far. […]

Well here’s a chuckle:

It’s been days since I joined the Suicide Project. During this time, I reconnected with my so-called friends, and we resolved our conflicts. We’re on good terms now.

However, my interactions with people around me continue to be problematic. I fear this might also happen with my friends. It’s frustrating to navigate friendships in college. I perceive many people as self-absorbed, hurtful, and selfish. They seem oblivious to how their actions affect others.

In my imagination, I envision them lined up, each with their hearts ripped out, similar to a scene from a movie. While I don’t actually want to harm them, I feel […]

I’m scared that it won’t ever go away – that I’ll feel like this until the end of time. It’s started wearing down what little of me there is left. Even on a good day it’s not far from my mind, and the good days are getting further and further apart.

I just feel alone. Completely and utterly. And I can’t even let anyone in, because they’d just leave. Or be dragged down with me, and that’s worse. I have to keep such a distance from everyone. Everything. So I’ve been alone. So… alone. I feel hopeless. And weak. Cowardly. I’m a failure for letting myself […]

I’m still so far from a life that would feel meaningful. Or even doing anything tangible to pursue such a life. Or even maintaining a stable enough mental/emotional state to be capable of planning anything tangible.

All I can bring myself to attempt right now is to reduce the frequency at which I self-destruct. To resist the urge to do something completely counterproductive, just to allow me to briefly feel something that isn’t this. For some kind of distraction from this gnawing banal emptiness where a life should be.

And I fear that may be the most I can ever manage – to slow the rate at […]