I finally moved a few weeks ago. Took long enough I guess. Glad I’m out. Overheard someone tell my dear father that he needed to “push” me to get out, so I went ahead and got it figured out for the poor man. Now I’m my mom and stepdad’s burden for awhile, I wonder how long it’ll be before they’re sick of me.

Shit still hurts.

I don’t see a point in the world, I don’t see a point in myself, I see nothing to go for. I just don’t care about anything anymore. I mean I care about my family, and my friends, but I’ve grown […]

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~30s clip

Life has been ABSOLUTE MISERY since the LITERAL DAY I moved here. Folks, do NOT ever move in with your selfish fucked up mom who never cared much about you growing up. WHY was I stupid enough to move back here? Bc I had nowhere else to go (thanks to SISTER who fucking made me give up my rent controlled apt) and bc I thought it would be a separate “studio” so it would be separate from her place and that it would be renovated.

Little did I know, that ONLY PARTS of the bathroom and kitchen would be renovated, and the rest […]

My idiot mother 1- hired a shit contractor 2- never checked the work of the shit contractor and 3- tries to either blame ME for all the shit that went wrong OR doesn’t ADMIT that there’s a FUCKING PROBLEM.

Since DAY1 of my moving in here, the toilet, sink and shower has been nonstop leaking, idiot gets called to fix it, he comes SIX TIMES, and STILL hasn’t fixed the leak in the sink. Took him THREE times to fix the shower leak. He never fixed the toilet that was sucking water from the bowl into the tank, almost like a half-flush it […]

Well, the deed is done. My grandfather is “buried”. Not really buried actually. Apparently its a thing where a large marbel slab houses a bunch of caskets. Part of the slab is opened up and the coffin just slides right in. So theres this big strucutre that holds a bunch of dead bodies stacked on top of each other in like rows and columns. Very odd. He was put up on the highest row. They needed to have a little pneumatic lift raise the casket up and some dudes had to push him into the slot using […]

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im a dissapointment im a dissapointment im a dissapointment im a dissapointment.

this might come off as stupid and such “oh first world problems whatever” butfirst context. my family celebrate everything. they celebrated when i camr back from a 3 day school trip. we celebrate mothers and fathers day for the US days AND the UK days and even more other stuff.

my entire life my parents would say get good A-Level grades and get into oxford or imperial or whateverand well take a family trip to dubai and all this stuff. and i was really excited for uni and all bc i had my whole life […]

I loved him as much as I could ever love a dog that didn’t live in my house. His name was Bernie, and today we found him dead. God, it’s all so matter of fact…. there’s still a part of me that wants to fight it. The denial of death has never been more real, I tried to do CPR, but it was too late. I held him and I wailed. He was only three years […]

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Part of the reason why SO many ppl have depression/low wages/shit lives is bc there’s just too many damn ppl in this world!! I remember growing up and when it hit 5B ppl, we were like, OMG it’s so overcrowded, panic panic panic. And now fast-forward to 2023 and ppl are making MORE babies than ever WTF.

8B ppl now. All fighting for the same resources. All fighting for the same jobs. All competing for the same shit wages.

8B ppl means overcrowding. Means TONS of pollutions. Means cities are chock full of ppl, everyone on top of […]

~21min

huh…this is interesting…
Williams syndrome

Never heard of this condition till I came across this video today.

I don’t know why I try. I’ve been suicidal for 4 years and have had many attempts but they all fail. Am I a coward? Am I not strong enough? I think I am. I’ve been hospitalized 4 times. Nothing helps. I don’t want anything to help. My therapist doesn’t get that. I want them to understand, but I also don’t. I am just a big contradiction. Am I not suicidal enough? I am. Then why am I alive? I don’t know. School starts soon. I hate it. I go so I can hide in the bathroom and cut. Why do I cut? The answer […]

i know ive dissapointed everyone but why is everyone else caring about it more than i am.

theres no point of being optimistic anymore so i dont know why i ever am. i do this to myself. i cause my own pain.

what am i without it, i have nothing left to give. ive ruined my own life and now i dont see a point in continuing.

ive never been diagnosed with anything but im pretty sure im like some type of sociopath or anxiety or some type of crazy bc im too unstable to be normal

I very seriously thougbt about hunting down the original post, but for several reasons including how older posts don’t seem to get revisited often, this is where I’m putting the update.

I’ve officially submitted the paperwork to drop out of grad school, after a second semester start that undermined my faith in the process. The supposed drop with no cost date is Friday, so I have to keep pushing until then else I owe $25k…… That’s a car, what grad school is worth more than a car. Literally my most expensive car, my F250 truck which has had a transmission rebuild, full suspension rebuild, and numurous […]

Great video
~12min

A mother of a son who committed suicide who ACTUALLY understands depression and doesn’t blame him for killing himself.

“Don’t ask why suicide? Ask why the pain.”

I’m so incredibly tired. Every single day is the same, whether I sleep or not, whether I take pills or not, whether I drink caffeine or not. It’s like there’s no energy in my system. I know I get enough calories, and I try to eat relatively healthy. It’s hard to imagine I’m deficient in anything essential.

So I assume it’s down to depression. I feel like I have no energy because my mind is telling my body that there’s no point releasing energy, because there’s no point doing anything. Not because there’s nothing to be done – there’s any number of chores that need to […]

I miss the past. The future is certain death. For when I finally have found my place in life, I’d need to learn to let go all over again.

It’s learning to want certain things and crying over them later. That’s why my tree of wishes is empty.

Happy people say goodbye to unnecessary ballast, while I invite it in. At least something to decorate my tree with.

My Grandfather passed away yesterday. He was 87. That’s a pretty long life. I’m only 24. A little over a third of that. My dad told me yesterday. They were in the process of moving his body to the funeral home. Everyone was there for my Grandmother. I got a call from her. She didn’t seem too upset, but there was a little sadness in her voice. For some reason she was more concerned with how I was. Overall, I think I’m ok. Nobody was really suprised or overwealmingly distraught. His health […]

In principle I’m not opposed to the wonders of technology…but AI, that shit pisses me off.

We, 8 billion desperate human beings, need every job availabiliity we can get in this pathetic game that has ransomed our lives to the act of making money. If there was enough to go around, if people weren’t kicked to the pavement by the resource eater called the ecomomy…then AI might be helpful to someone. But no, tech bros are gettng quick profits out of the mechanic where ten people’s lives will be ruined, so that one person can get a spot of convenience. There’are huge job shortages and AI […]