The program showed scenes about assisted suicide. My 9yo daughter was watching. “Mummy, is that lady going to kill herself?” “Yes…..” Ok, I did not know that was going to happen all before 7.30pm. “Promise me you’ll never do that.” Me: “Ok…..”
I’m pulling the plug in 9 days and to be honest, not entirely regretting it. This is the first time I’ve had control over anything and it’s nice. I mean, it sucks, but in the end, maybe this is for the best. For me. For everyone . Because this is not a disease. This is a result of just not feeling anything but pain. Pain that no one should have to endure.
I searched for 6 years for someone who cared. It took me maybe a month to drive her away. If I could just have one thing before I die, I just want to hear […]
Two lymph nodes popped up on my neck a week ago. I went to urgent care. They did an assessment on me and couldn’t really tell me what it was from. They asked me questions – like – did I feel sick, etc. No. I don’t feel sick. I don’t know what’s going on with this. I’ve been trying to be levelheaded about this. Yes, I have depression and have thoughts of suicide some times, but… I don’t actually want to die.
They couldn’t do any tests, because it’s just an urgent care clinic and they don’t have ultrasounds and stuff to biopsy it. Ugh.
I know […]
i don’t really come here for help anymore, so please ignore me; i just wanted a place to ramble.
i never in my wildest dreams thought i would make it to eighteen- not once, even at my most optimistic, did i seriously consider the possibility that i’d still be here today… but i am here.
i don’t really know how i feel about that.
it’s almost kind of laughable, you know? like a bad joke or a fucked up riddle, what’s still there but not, what should be gone that isn’t, what do you call a ghost that’s still alive– and it’s me.
it’d be nice to say hey, […]
Life… a thing I undestood abt it is… its though… not only mine but everyones… b ut the thing is that.. I cnt handel it… I m m weak.. I cnt face it anymore…I show evryone hw strong I m .. but I m a coward… I cnt evn handel a small heart break. .. I m worthless…. lowest of the form… I shuld die.. but I m evn scared to die.. I m so pathetic… sory to waste you time… just wanted atlest one person to knw this.. dont knw why.. just wanted…
I just broke down crying in front of my mom, I never cry in front of her.
Okay, so I know I talk my ex incessantly, but I never talk about my real pain. I am a caretaker for my 70 year old mother. I forgot to schedule her transportation (because she’s wheelchair bound) for an appointment she has had for months with her pain doctor.
My brain is scattered. I can barely put on my shoes and yet I am bogged down with EVERYTHING. I have to do everything under the sun for her because she is disabled. I also run a business at home and […]
i have no words now … i was thinking about that alot latlyyy but i had a little hope just alittle one to fight for … but now !!!!
i made my decision ill stop thinking about it and ill do it soon ill fix some things before i leave …. i have nothing to do here actually never had !!!!
i mean we all are tired, i’m not special.
i’m alone. lot’s of people are, i’m not special.
I’m angry
I want to trust again, to be able to open myself up.
one of my 40 “friends” on facebook noticed i left and it took 8 weeks for him to do so.
my housemate is a deadbeat and i always cover his part of the rent.
i havent spoken to my mom in at least a decade.
the only people that would miss me are those that just use me for my income anyway.
i’m a social nightmare, so i dont make friends. never speak first. never intrude….. its not that i don’t […]
another weekend, another day left behind….
time to numb shit out…. cheers……
In 2004, I was pondering about means to commit suicide during two months. I suffered from post natal depression after my second child’s birth. I lost ten pounds in a week, slept about two hours a night, I felt numb most of the times . Each time I felt the pain rising, I played with a knife, or pills, or I went out thinking about getting a gun. I wanted to die, but I was not sure I could succeed, and another failure was out of order.
So one night after the pain was so acute, I got drunk and afterwards, I felt so low that […]
It’s not even 6:00 am, it’s not even a week day and yet here’s life giving me more shit. Seems to be a never-ending vicious cycle and I’m just about fed up. As far as I’m concerned life can go fuck itself, and I use the word life loosely because this ain’t no life. Sometimes things get taken away to free up your hands for something better ??? I’m calling bullshit. Life feels like a bully sometimes, and when a bully takes your stuff, you don’t get nothing back, let alone something better. Well I say Fuck You […]
Why do I have be afraid of my brothers whyyyy whyyyyyyyyy now I’m stuck having to do something I don’t want to do on mother’s day…… Asdfghjkl I hate my family (apart from my nephew) enough as it is but now it’s worse I have to go see my Nana… Now some of you think that’s not so bad why are you complaining just stop you’re ranting it’s annoying.
No I won’t because I need excuses because my brain isn’t working.
My Nana is the worse person everrrrr […]
I know you guys have been listening to my bullshit about my ex for quite some time. I finally made a huge step in parting ways with him. I guess I have had enough… enough wanting him… enough trying to be his friend…
We just need to be done with each other.
I can’t even put into words how hard this is/was….
Thank you to everyone here that gave me advice and would listen to my rants.
No matter how hard we try…..there are times that actually disappoint an individual… A very common reason is the past that haunts us and those things that we really aren’t able to get over….n what if the past repeats itself or just comes back…knocking the door….saying…”Hi darling….m back!” We simply can’t decide how to react…The dilemma of the present situations adds up too……Every human in the world is born with the right to make mistakes….that is how each one of us learns….n frankly…there is no such mistake that can’t be forgiven……then why do people have a generalization on basis of a mistake and judge you………they […]
When you feel your insides getting brittle.
When the day has done your mind more whittle.
Lighten the mood for just a little…
Wipe from your lips the sorrow’s spittle.
Appease your spirit’s daily kittle,
and think twisted thoughts, smile a little.
Damn.
Someone saw it. A classmate of mine saw the cuts. Actually – thank god – just one, and also not my deepest one.. – thank God for it –
Well she was asking like: “Wow, this looks pretty much like you cut yourself, hahaha! Where’d you get this from?!”
And I, just desperately trying to bring her away from this thought, as I never want anyone to see, especially not her, I dunno, I kinda don’t trust her really, (don’t wanna sound mean though, but unfortunately I have a problem with trusting anyway…), was like: “Huh, where the hell did I got this from?!” […]
I’m sorry to say that I’m here again, not that you people are bad people, but I only come here when things are getting overwhelming. I’ve been cutting again, a precursor to other self destructive behaviour; and this time it’s the nightmares. I’ve been trying to stop drinking, and it’s only causing me to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, or swinging. More so than usual, but usual had been passing out so drunk that I’m paralysed. I’m getting so tired of the new and inventive horrors my mind keeps in store to greet me in sleepy land. I just wish that […]
my husband asked me last night if I wanna go home ….when I said yes he did something really shocking and said OK he will talk to his mother and he will try to go home …good right …BUT…..wait for it………I will have to see what mom says OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS he can’t just tell hiss mother were going home after his birthday can’t do it….OHHHH and here’s another good one we might have to go back to FLORIDA because his car is there and its a hassle to get a shipper what dose he wan’t to do drive home in his two person […]
So I haven’t eaten all day and my brother came over to the unit to stay it’s Tuesday bullies me as per usual then cooks dinner for people as I told him I can’t be fucked cooking because he never does… Then he hands me 2 plates of spaghetti obviously assuming that my mother was here because she was here she was at my unit bullying me because shit wasn’t going her way as per usual. So I’ll upload a pic of it… Also I’m not eating I don’t trust him he’s probably poisoned it to be honest and he’s that much of an asshole […]