There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Halloween used to be my favorite day of the year and the fall used to be my favorite time of year but it’s managed to be miserable every year since 2011 when my first cat was sick and dying.
But right now I feel the most horrible. I feel sick to my stomach out of pure misery, sadness, depression and loneliness. I can’t say I feel like no one gives a fuck about me because I know that no one gives a fuck about me. I’m going to end up alone and homeless just like the universe and God intended from my very conception.
I’m all alone […]
“Her Last Words”
By:
COURTNEY PARKER
Just an average girl
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while
Now she’s older, things are getting colder
Life’s not what she though, she wishes someone had told her
She told you she was down, you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside
She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can’t you tell? Look at her dull eyes
Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no […]
All I ever wanted was to die. Those sleepless night I cried. As I watched my blood run down my wrist. He was the only one who made me happy. I pushed him away because of the pain. Now I’m watching form afar. Another girl in his arms. He smiles as he looks at her and I’m wishing it was me. My heart shattered. I’m all alone. I cut to stop the pain. I do it because I don’t want to feel. He always had my heart. I tried to love another but all I could do was think of him. My lover. The man […]
Over the last few years,I am becoming more and more bored and selective with people.I feel that the majority is of them is bunch of shallow,hollow and uninteresting individuals,most of the times corrupt and totally naive,not caring about anything else than money,possessions etc.My standards regarding the ”quality” of someone are extremely strict,and regarding relations,it’s even worse.All I wanted was to find a person that will be truly unique and twisted.A person that would make up for the emptiness of the world.A person,that I would love with all my might and sacrifice everything for.I wish I had never met her,for the person I described I actually […]
I’m really tired of running from this thing.
I feel like I’m constantly in motion.
I feel like I’m all alone and no one understands.
But I guess I’m not.
A lot of us here deal with this monster – DESPAIR
It seeks to devour us.
I wish I knew why it picked on us and leaves others untouched?
Did we do something to deserve it?
Is there really something wrong in our brains like the doctors say?
And if that’s true then why?
And why can’t they fix it like any other disease?
Why don’t the meds work?
I don’t think they have a clue.
They can’t cure it.
The best they can do is put out each […]
English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEgmxilFyaI
Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLksB9YUIw
In order to just breathe, I keep meaningful songs in my arsenal until another day comes along. This is one of them, a powerful melody.
“As time is passing on and all my limbs are slowly growing along
The things to love’s a multiplying song
And its growth, is racing at a stupid rate, my only option is hate
So I just have to throw them out with no doubt
And so that I am able to provide you with love
The greedy person that hides inside me
Would soon see, that he would have to stop adoring everything that he is;
The clumsiness was a creation […]
idk why nothing gets better
it doesn’t
i feel so much pain in being alive so alone such a struggle so hard now every day it’s like trying to breathe can’t breathe literally sometimes
the list of bad things is too long, the past always knocking me in the eye
i know im going to die soon b/c i cant bear sexual abuse and it’s horrors all alone anymore the fb’s the depression the noise terrorism the paranoia the past running into people i dont want to see the stigma
and at this point im really looking forward to it
it would be nice if there had been god at all […]
I cant believe how many others are on here feeling as hopeless as I do. I’m all alone in the world and I cant seem to find anyone like me. Figures I’d have to want to kill myself to find like minded individuals. I’m sick of being kicked when I’m down. I’m ready to blow up, violence clouds my mind. i’ve been through alot in my life, more hardships than I care to share. I cant seem to catch a break. I have no one, nothing, I have so much love to give yet my heart is broken and no one cares. I’m done.
I am so weary. I cannot stop thinking about death. The thought of smiling scares the hell out of me. I lack enthusiasm to make moves or find a job. I am fucking useless piece of shit. I cry uncontrollably and can do virtually nothing meaningful with my life. My friend beat her depression and anxiety. She’s always been there for me but it looks like she’s getting a little distant because my depression is chronic… just when I thought I was gonna turn my life around.
I radiate negativity and sadness and well, that’s not something normal people or those that have finally decided to take charge […]
So this guy I started talking to and that liked me told me he’s falling in love with his girlfriend again ok so I bet your confused so his girlfriend lives in Louisiana where he used to live but he moved back to his home town I knew him since 5th grade so he’s falling in love with his girlfriend again I feel so stupid for trusting him he was my first kiss but Im not sure if I regret it I told him so much about me how I was depressed and that I cut and he was depressed too and cut I actually […]
I want to swallow all my pills. I am unsure about wanting to die. But this exsistence seems meaningless. And lonely. I want all the things im supposed to hate. Alcohol. Cigarettes. My bulimia. Sex eith strangers. I want all of it to help ease my sadness, my lonely, my anxiety and insecurity. I feel so desperate and lonely. Why am i all alone.
I have been terribly sick for 8 years. For this I couldn’t finish my study. Its a complicated sickness. The worst is every time i hope this is gonna be fine i am back to zero. I have gone through several surgeries. It was painful. I thought if I try to have a better life , a normal life I may have one day. Now I am all alone here, no family, no friends . A guy loves me, we are married for more than two years but we can’t be together because of this goddam sickness. I wanted to leave all these and go […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46teotoyLiw
What’s your excuse for all of this?
It’s 12 o’clock and it’s times like these I know for sure won’t be missed
but for now, it’ll always be raining in my mind
I can’t take back what I said, words that go your way seem to disconnect
It’s burning me inside and out, but yet my heart’s so cold.
It’s another night I have to face being all alone.
I never thought it was possible, but I’m seeing shades of grey.
This weight you left me, just gave you away.
I won’t face today, all my thoughts keep bringing me down
Not a single […]
Locked in prison with no escape,
keeping track of long lost days.
Where will my weary soul reside,
when there is nothing left inside.
Who will wait my painful soul,
whose actions make me a fool.
Can I ever live with myself,
or in darknesss dwell.
Can the light of truth free me,
or all alone will i ever be.
The fate of my life is long gone,
for I have done to much wrong.
I am ready to go. My family hates me. I am all alone. I am taking Tylenol and drinking alcohol. I have my letter ready for my parents and society to read. This is all of society’s fault.
A month ago, I decided it was time for me to get some help, so I did. It was really hard for me to do but I did it anyway. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and I’m trying to get back on the right track. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I am taking medication for. Most days, I still feel like I just want to die but I’m trying to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes it works. I just want to be happy again. I know I won’t wake up and suddenly feel okay, which is why I’m still trying. I’m doing […]
This is it. I’ve finally reached the ultimate irreversible thought of suicide, and never going back to the ‘so called’ dumb shit life. It’s gonna be a slow suicide anyway, it’ll probably take about 2 weeks for me to be completely dead, without being taken to the hospital. Now the hardest part is to pretend like I’m not dying haha. I’d like to say sincere goodbye to my dumb life, and my closest one’s, who’d hurt me too much that I didn’t want to live anymore. I have no worries that I’m leaving my parents behind. They truly don’t need a worhtless child as me. […]
Work has me in a hotel tonight since I’m homeless. Worst one they could have picked. Apparently there’s a Hottest Women in America convention going on because the hotel is packed with all women. Yeah I want a gun to blow my fucking brains out right this second. My ‘friend’ is coming over but I’m sure he’ll find one of these women to fuck and forget about me. I’m so fuckng sick of this shit, being too fucking ugly to ever be loved, being homeless and all alone in the world!!!!
This random graffito caught my eye while out for a jaunt tonight.
I think it sums up much perfectly. Were all alone, fighting with tears streaming down our face. But I see you.
(background music for those inclined)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FqmJy8HzQI
I haven’t posted or commented in a while. (Trips, Birthday, Best friends wedding, another wedding tomorrow…) But I see you. Serendipitous, one of Salt’s songs just started while on random.
Some days I think depression, loneliness won’t get the best of me. Most, other days, I’m not so sure. Is loneliness […]