well today is my birthday. and i am debating whether or not i want to stay alive. no one knows what is going on with me or else i probably wouldn’t be sitting here alone. but that is ok. the people who do know i am suicidal ie shrink, therapist, all have other people to attend to. i am willing to bet i am not even on their radar today. i have the means, a place picked out, all i need is some gumption to get moving. the bottom line is i can’t take living like this anymore. this depression just won’t let up and […]
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im 17 and my parents started the process of divorce my brother is already past 18 and doesnt have the choices to make of who to live with, my boyfriend for a little longer than a year and i broke up because his sister kept saying he could do better and that i was pathetic, i feel like i have no friends they dont invite me anywhere to do anything with them, i have depression and have been wanting to cut really deep lately but my parents locked up all the knives and i could just go to walmart and buy a new one but […]
The world has been comming down on me for a long time now and i cannot keep up with it anymore, i hurt physically and emotionally and nothing helps, 15+ years of feeling terrable And i cannot keep going. Dose anyone have a reason to keep going? Probably not. So if anyone would like to help me do myself in that would a big help. I have tried but i guess not hard enough.
I’m slipping and i keep fighting but how many close calls can I make till I give in and it go past a close call? Where does it end?
i go to the doctor tuesday, do you think i can be honest without being locked up?
written by Disposable Human
male, 29, 130lbs/58kg
diagnosed: major depressive disorder, ocd, generalized anxiety disorder
prescribed: sertraline 200mg/day, xanax .5mg and zolpidem 10mg as needed
i’m trying to get help from my family physician on tuesday. i was in therapy with a psychologist for a while but stopped going because i couldn’t afford to get help, and support my manipulative ex. we have a son. i attempted during her pregnancy and spent a few days with waived human rights in a psychiatric hospital.
in my relationship i was used for money and hit a lot. there was constant berating and verbal abuse. i’m going through a divorce and don’t really get […]
Im just confused with the emotions i feel. Feeling a mix of sadness, guilt and anger. For once in my life i am utterly clueless as to which path i should take. I can’t stop thinking of her and the people around me aren’t helping. I hate it. When people i know pretend to have been so close to a person who died just so they feel better and can get sympathy from others. Well the truth is that you never really gave a damn about her life. I can’t go back to the place i was last with her. I tried it once and […]
I feel like everythingis just on its way out. I had to move in with family because my hours got cut, im on the verge of an ending relationship, because my girlfriend and i are both in debt and i feel like im the only one trying to get out of this hole.
I cant even have an enjoyable conversation with anyone because im just not interested in the simple things that most are. Im a techy, a nerd, a gamer, whatever you want to call it, and theres no one really around here that i can have intilectual conversations with, about the things i […]
I’ve been depressed for a really long time, and I’ve been feeling alone my whole life really. People keep leaving me and now the one person who’s made me feel happy is gonna leave me too. we met in a mental hospital a year ago and we’ve gotten really close. She had really bad eating disorder and i actually got her to start eating again. And I’ve helped to not cut and eventually she did stop,=-)… she keeps asking me why i’m so nice to her and i keep telling her that she’s my best friend and that i care about her when really i have […]
Never occurred to me I could be in a world with so many people and yet feel so alone. Used to think talking would help. It did. But then i lived long enough to grow up. Talking is a waste of time and i dont care to trouble people with my issues. Rough life … Sure but i know others have had it worse than me. My mind and spirit isnt better than the next person nor my tolerace and ability to recover. There is no organ transplant for a damaged spirit. Religion and relationships are wishful thinking. I earn my living helping to ease […]
When i was six i was molested by my cousin went i was seven all my cousins and brothers where involved then i was raped at 15 on my birthday while growing up with an abusive family i met a boy i fell for him was faithful while he wasnt and he turned to beating me. I have no family no friends and am about to loose my home because some jerk photo shopped a picture a nudy one and posted it all over fb… i no longer want to try fight or anything… i just wanna die im alone and i was always told […]
It’s been 92 days since we stopped talking, all the nights i spent on the thoughts of her were so lonely and rough to live. What should I do when i seem stop on the same spot since we broke up, since we broke up my life stopped the joy of life left me as she did. 15th of February on valentines day was the end of us. I miss our conversations about nothing. I was hers and she was mine and none of us were lesbian. We never labeled ourselves. Man this is awful i miss her so much and since we broke up […]
its been a tough couple of years..sixth grade and up was bad. my eighth grade year, my dad passed away..two months before i entered high school. R>I.P 7/19 i entered 9th grade alone and lost…i hated the world and i had a huge gap in my heart..from 7th til this day, i used self harm as an escape..after my dad passed away from cancer, i didnt eat and i constantly self harmed..a week and a half before homecoming, i lost all my friends due to rumors that everyone made up..saying i slept around and did drugs..none of it ever happened and none of it was […]
Every since i was little i have had this feeling of something being missing or broken inside. Elementary school was okay because i wasn’t self aware enough to understand what i felt. I cried every day of middle school because i was weird poor and ugly and everybody i liked hated me. Writing that sounds so over dramatic but i think thats one of my problems too. I feel things so deeply. I dont know if its deeper than others but love and hate and sadness consume me when i feel them. I start operating off feelings and logic goes out the window. High school […]
I am 26 yr old male from india. Lost my parents in 2010 due to illness. I have been living alone in my parents house ever since. I was their only child.
Now its 2015 and i am still here in the same house, in the same city. I have completed my graduation(B. Com) in 2008 and got distinction in Cost accounting. But i was not interested in job as i wanted to do MBA. Initially my father agreed to put me through b-school and i gave entrance exams in 2008 and 2009.
In 2009 i got selected in few good b-schools of india but then my […]
I fucking hate everyone in this life. Everyone is selfish and hypocrite. They are saying that they care about you/him/it but in reality they just don’t give a shit. Everyone is doing what the ”majority” (the others) is doing. If everyone has an account on a social networking site (twitter etc) you also need to have one otherwise you are consider weird and strange. If you are not the man with the nice looking appearance and the fancy hairstyle you are also consider outcast (mostly in women). If you are not interested in things like sports & music just like the others do, again you […]
I’ve been thinking a lot lately and maybe life isn’t for everyone. I mean life is too hard for me. I put myself in my parents shoes a thousand times and I just don’t understand why they treat me the way that they do. Even more questioning is why I care about how they feel…but I admit I do care how they feel. I know what it’s like to hurt and I wouldn’t wish that even on those who caused me that pain. And i know that it won’t hurt them.They have other kids and already have grandkids from my half sisters. There is actually […]
Im tired of medication and psychiatry sessions I’m slowly watching everything die around me or walk out of my life and i just want to get better but i cant save myself . How did it get better for any of you
Im a recent graduate and its hard not having structure. In order to feel any emotion or fill my boredom i have given in to impulse decisions,unsafe decisions and have alienated everyone important to me. I have watched my life fall to pieces in weeks. I just lost my bf of 5 years and im struggling to see the point. Im know people will […]
it’s the worst when your problem isn’t from your mind but it exists in front of you and changes your mind. not much i can do to change it without killing myself. i could wait though and see what happens. sucks to know that you’d be better off dead because there’s nothing worth living for except for being hopeless. i’m probably lucky that i got depressed right at the start of summer vacation, that takes some things off my mind. maybe being depressed wont be as bad as the last time. not sure what i need now to get out of this, already talked with […]
My life is shit for many reasons and i am destined to suffer until the last second that i will live in this hell. And the worst thing is that i honestly believe that i don’t deserve this kind of life. I was always a good person, respected & help others and NEVER done anything bad to anyone. So why i am living this hell? I want to enjoy what others are enjoying… but instead i will never have a girlfriend because i am so fucking short, ugly and child looking, i will never have a family and i will become a fucking miserable 80 […]
Sitting here right now, tears running down my face. The feeling in my entier body can only be described as agony. It is always there because i am always alone. No matter who is around, my family, co workers, or the one person in the whole world that i feel I could talk to(but shouldnt, cant put this on her its not fAre to her) can be surrounded by them, and i am completly alone.
Can hear you say it now, call this hotline… what I need is to feel apreciated, accepted, how could someone who dose not know me do that..
Or, see a shrink. Mite […]