NORTH. [god is a corpse you can talk to with roses]. I hate it [youre there arent you]. I wake up each day in tears[sometimes bleeding]. I always have. Instead of eating i cut. I am the poster girl for cocaine abuse. Maybe Im already dead. I feel like it. I cant honestly be here. Can i. It hurts so much. dont believe in depression[or a god or deity]. dont want to. didnt feel like it so I never [fucking] tried. [girl] didnt eat cause girl was afraid. Never liked music cause music is false. wanted to die since thirteen. didnt throw up Im always […]
Tag:
Anxiety
Yeh pretty much the whole world has fucked up since you left.
My own mother hates me[find me].
I am black silk cigarette smoke. tarnished sticky suicide addict. I refuse to move. I cant breath. I cant understand these people. and lets face it why would I. I havent washed in ten days. My hair is greasy. I’m unemployed. I cut it off some weeks ago, so its not like, getting in my tired face or anything. I sleep all day. Â [pretend to be dead girl cause the woman inside is dying to leave]. In New York the temperature is three degrees below zero. Maybe i tried […]
First of all, TL;DR.
I read the following on one of the links from this site:
“It is the part of the person that is afraid of more pain that says Don’t tell anyone. It is the part that wants to stay alive that tells you about it.â€
It just made me think about the fact that it’s been over three years since I’ve admitted to anyone that I was depressed or had thoughts of suicide, even though that has been the case every single day since I last admitted it.
It’s been 1188 days since I last revealed to anyone I knew personally that I still felt no […]
Hello,
Im a 23 year old male from the UK.
My life is pointless and I have never been happy.
I have sufferd from depression and other mental health issues for years. Ive been on so many different types of medication for my mental health problems. I am currently taking Venlafaxine.
I have a very poor education and I have no job.
I was very violent in my early teens, I was permanently excluded from school at the age of 13, then I was sent to a pupil referral unit along with other misbehaved kids.
I was addicted to amphetamine when I was 13 up untill I was 16, I also smoked cannabis heavily at that age. Then I stopped using them and […]
This so-called “real-world†is too dull and uninspiring and even obnoxious to my very vivid imaginations and dreams.
Human beings -the Earth’s “oh-so-special” species- largely is stupid and moronic, not even that, but they’re also largely ignorant, and then escape to religions and shits like that for “feel good”, “everything is alright”. No it’s not, dumbasses. Until when you all want to play this obnoxious ignorance game? oh sure, ’till our planet and what’s actually really ESSENTIAL for Earth’s life is destroyed to ashes? then I pray for the End of the World to come fast, because I just fucking hate humanity and its obnoxiousness.
Everybody […]
It has been a miserable 40 years, I do not want to sound like I am whining, but it really has.
There has been the normal bad things in my life like everyone else death, teenage angst, job, fighting, family and friends etc that emphasizes the feelings of wanting to die, but even when happy, the thoughts of suicide are still there.
All my life I have tried everything to hold onto that little voice telling me that everything would get better. It has not.
Good days or bad I still have feelings of ending it all. I have read that everyone has feelings of suicide at […]
To those who suffer and think that suicide will end the pain, I have a message for you…..
by ibjennyjenny
written by ibjennyjenny
To those who suffer and think that suicide will end the pain, I have a message for you…..
I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist because I thought I was better. I went cold turkey and suddenly stopped taking 225mg Venlafaxine a day and the 10mg Zyprexa (Anti Depression and Anti Psychotic Medications). It worked. Its been 2 years since taking them, and I think I just realised that nothing has changed. I never got better. Just deluded thoughts kept me going.
If it is any use to anyone – If a doctor trys to give you Zyprexa…. dont take it. do yourself a favour. I hit the point I would take any help I could get. Anti psychotic? Sure, throw me it, it […]
I don’t really believe my story is one of suicide. It’s more a story of depression, if it’s even that. I don’t really know what I feel most of the time, and I tend to revert to sadness. Often I find myself pondering reasons I have to be sad.
I have never been beaten by my parents, never been horribly embarrased by my peers, I have friends who I hang out with consistently, I have a good job, I am a smart young man, I have tutors in life, I have good health. So really there is no reason to be sad, right?
If that is true […]
what a life i have. my parents with there sharp tongues and quick jokes. such bullshit they know the impact they have on me its ridicilous i honestly dont know how ive made it this far. and to think when i was 9 years old being called a mother fucked by your own mother who didnt care who didnt think that would do anything to her son. what stopped me from pulling that knife quick across my throat, there are good things in this world but in my case they come rare and often stay short. bits of happiness for me was looking at the […]
I have spent the entire day in a fight. A fight with myself, with my boyfriend, with my life. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so filled with anger and hate that I can’t stand to be around myself. This has been going on for a long time. I am a college graduate and looking at med school, but right now I don’t feel like I am good enough to even get in. I am taking science prereq’s and I just got a C on my last A & P exam. I feel so stupid. It doesn’t help that I have an […]
My thoughts of suicide started when I was 13 years old.
 I made a friend through a connection with another friend, and she was awesome (at first). I found out a month into our friendship that she did drugs. I encouraged her to stop, but since she was 5 years older than me she was too self- absorbed to listen. So, one night she slept over my house, and curiosity got the best of me, and I tried the drugs. It was… wonderful, to say the least. So more ‘sleepovers’ were planned afterwards. If I can recall correctly, it was about the third time she slept […]
I have horrible anxiety. I’m not completely sure why. But it’s controlling my life. Or rather it affects my life. Greatly. Anyways, the reason why I’m so anxious all the time is because I was abused, raped, and neglected as a child. Even though, technically speaking, I still am a child (I’m 13). The neglect had ended 3 years ago. But the abuse and rape went on until this past fall. Now it’s done. It’s gone. But I feel like it was just yesterday………… So, ya. I have been diagnosed with GAD. But I counselor said I don’t need a medication for it. I also have alot of crazy and creepy fears. These […]
in responce to that first comment on my last blog (sorry about the spelling): i didnt mean for it to sound like i was competing, or even to insinuate that this is, somehow a competion. just that i got the feeling that my last post was being pooh- poohed as unimportat. any way. i cant talk to my friend (we’re 17), thats really the whole problem, i dont know how to express my self (hense competition thing), i either underestimate the whole situation, and then people dont belive me, or i go ott, and end up getting really defensive.Â
i cant talk to my mum or dad, […]
Tired of the same thing. Every day. Feeling like garbage, wishing I was normal. Â
Sick of feeling sorry for myself, thinking about my problems instead of helping myself or others.  I recognize that I am self absorbed, but I can’t stop these thoughts. I want them to go away, but they don’t. I’ve tried Diazepam, Ativan, Effexor. They didn’t help me feel better, they just made me feel like a zombie; Neither good nor bad. I spoke to a medical doctor, a therapist, a psychologist, a parent, and a friend. They helped me hang on. Told me pleasant lies to subdue my anxiety and placate my mood, at least for those moments I was with them. But […]
I realized I could kill myself at a young age. When I grew older, I realized that being suicidal brought attention. Even more older, I realized being suicidal would eventually alienate people. Eventually I realized, My feelings of suicide, were real, and instead of providing help, people would rather compare and challenge my problems with theirs, just to justify they were a bit more troubled than I was. I suppose that’s how my friends justified ignoring me.
I found that when my “symptoms” didn’t fit textbook examples of typical suicidal people, that psychiatrists started shortening my visits, yet still wrote out prescriptions. I found that only […]
So is it so bad to be a gay male.. Yes it is, from how I’m treated. You’d think I was a fucking childmolesting murderer for how the people at school treat me. But no, just gay. It’s my senior year of high school too and you think it’d be the best but it has undeniably been the worst. I never knew that coming out would have such negative consequences. WTF was I thinking! I live in Montana in a small town FULL of homophobes.  And everyone knows that I am gay so that past five months since I did come out have been hell. Everyday I go through the same ritual […]
Hey everyone…..I’m 19 years old this year, and I’m a gay boy.
Being gay isn’t easy at all as I’ve always been the black sheep..if you know what I mean…I have always tried my best to fit in with the people around me, and I’ve succeeded in adapting, as I’ve always done my best to ignored myself as a gay and being different from everyone around me.I was in a state of denial.
Everything was going pretty fine for myself socially I suppose..Until I started to go through the pressures of relationships and the like.I’m at a total loss here….my friends are all getting into relationships and what […]
I am new to this site and not sure how it works. I am hoping to find people who understand and do not judge. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a few years. My family gets frusterated with me so I choose not to talk about how I am feeling with them. The last few weeks I have been very anxious due to the fact I have been in alot of pain and have to have shoulder surgery in three weeks. That will put me out o work for 4 to 6 weeks, just before my youngests graduation, and all of you that […]
when is it okay to die?