It sucks seeing ppl around you so happy. Its killing me. My bestfriend just had her second baby. She has a beautiful family. And i got depression and newly found bpd. I keep saying i want to get help. I need help. Help realizing that its okay that life sucks..but do i really want to be just okay?? No i dont. I want something that i can never have and im stupid for putting myself through shit when theres a way out. I dont want to fight anymore. All i do is drink till i pass out. I dont eat barely sleep. Im sick. I […]
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baby
It’s a beautiful December day, nearly two and a half years since you left me. And here I am, missing you again. I wonder what we might be doing this day, if you were still here. Maybe we would be in the driveway, or at the shop doing a charity job. Or maybe we would be inside, tangled up on the couch watching an old western. Or maybe we would be sitting at the kitchen table having a beer while you picked your guitar. I miss your music so much! I still think of you all the time […]
Some men write letters to their unborn child
An expression of love in a world gone wild
If my life were to end before yours begins
I want to share my love and make amends
But my letter is not addressed to an unborn baby
But to an unfulfilled desire that someday, just maybe
A new life could have been created if I had been a real man
I’d have loved you and nurtured you and been your number one fan
I’d comfort and care for you and make everything alright
I’d even chase monsters from under your bed each night
I’d have found you the best […]
I failed you baby, on 1-18-15 I fucked up and I failed you. I wasn’t there for you when you really needed me, my bipolar wasn’t medicated or known yet and I freaked out, I made the worse/stupidest mistake of my life and I kicked you out our house when you needed me. I failed you in every way possible as your man that day, and I failed our lil family… I tore it apart. I’m the reason we’re not together anymore. I got help, I knew something was wrong and I got help…found out I’m bipolar and have anxiety, I go to therapy/ counseling […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So this is going to be long and grammar has never been my strong point. Plus I cracked my screen really bad so it’s hard to type. Maybe getting it out will help, maybe not. Either way I have to try something to help.
I Had a rough childhood starting when I was 6 was when I first remember wanting to die. I never fit in.
Continue on and I never had any friends. Not once did a boy ever show interest in me (even the cute kindergarten crushes). I always felt broken.
When hen I hit puberty I gained a lot of weight and my mom decided […]
9 months has passed, the baby was ready to be born. The mother went to the hospital and the amniotic liquid started running through out her legs. The doctor called her, come on, go to bed, everything will be alright.
The mother is worried, she is not feeling the baby movements. She looked down her tummy and felt it empty. There are other people around her, everybody is telling her that she is ok, she just need to be patience and wait for the long hours of labors. But she is insisting, please, he is a good doctor, but I trust more my doctor from the […]
hello you guys its been 5 months since I didn’t publish anything here, but this time I feel so weak and I cant handle this anymore. I’m in a trouble you can say that and I have no idea what is the right thing. I want to cry and I don’t want this life anymore .I know all people make mistakes and we regret our mistakes but sometimes its too late to fix your mistakes and your whole life will change because of your mistakes. I have only 16 years old and I’m pregnant in 3 months my parents still don’t know anything, I don’t […]
I dont have any fight left in me. Im 30, I was married for 11 years. My divorce should be finalized next month.
He left me for someone else. He told our daughter shes her new stepmom. I never wanted kids yet I have three and a baby on the way.
My husband controlled my life. I wasnt allowed to work or go to college, for a long time I wasnt even allowed to drive.
Last year when he asked for a divorce I joined a dating website and met a man. I fell in love, I never loved my husband this way. This man turned out to […]
I’ve always wondered could a baby see your pain….
Trying to make my life more tolerable has resulted in me getting hurt once again. I was the “oops” baby, and i see that my parents try to accept me…But i know they never wanted me from the beginning. I have this indescribable feeling of emptiness that no professional, technique, or exercise can help with. I’ve used sex to coop, sex is great but it doesn’t change the reality of my problem. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep; thoughts of my future, my past, my family & friends, even my own funeral consume my mind. Im a strong person, but this pain inside of […]
I still have no idea what to do. I want more than anything to see my baby boy grow up. But this pain…I’m drowning. What did I do to deserve this. I didn’t want this. I was there for our baby when he wasn’t. Now he wants every other holiday…why didn’t he does this before the baby? We waited 3 years. As soon as we find out were expecting he all of a sudden hates me? What did I do? I didn’t want this. Holidays without my baby? I don’t know how to do that. I can’t do that. I feel selfish. I don’t want […]
I think today I have decided to just end it. I’m not going through court. I think my baby would be better off without me. I hope and pray that his daddy will take good care of him. I’m so worried about that. He’s not very patient and cares more about himself…but I can’t handle fighting anymore. My baby is my world and I can’t stand sitting back watching this happen. Please god take care of my baby. Please. In less than 2 weeks I’m planning on being out of this world. I have failed. I’m too weak. Mommy loves you so much baby boy.
My husband and i were together 3 years before we decided to have a baby. He started cheating on me when I was 5 months pregnant. He left the week of Thanksgiving. Our baby was born early march. Ive tried so hard for my baby boy to make things work with his daddy. I feel like ive failed my son. I had made plans. Wrote a letter to my son. Set a date. Our anniversary…vicodin and alcohol. Then i realized im all my baby has. He doesn’t have his daddy he needs his mommy…but now were talking divorce…hes decided he wants to be in his […]
My family is constantly worried for me because of my depression. I am pregnant by my ex and he wants me to abort but I want to keept it. We had a huge fight today whem i told him I wanted to kept it. Finally I said fine and I would just get rid of it and burst into tears because I can’t do it. If I keep it I ruin his life and he says mine too. I dont see how it would ruin my life. If I abort he can go on with his life and be happy. If I abort its likely […]
life is still as sucky as ever. i’ve become an automaton, just moving through the motions of everyday life without any joy. my parents still drinking. tonight they’re so drunk they’ve already fought. my mom is so drunk she doesn’t know what she is talking about. my dad was in the room, and i heard her say “what if we had another little baby?” she is 51 years old, smokes, drinks, has cancer, and is in no health to have a baby (besides the fact that she can’t because she’s in menopause). my dad is so drunk he responded with something accusing her of wanting […]
I really want to give up.
I have to put up with so much, no one loves me, no one cares for me… So who would grieve when I die or disappear?
But that won’t happen. Why? Because I’m scared to. I’ve seen things that can prove that people will make shit up and jump to conclusions. For instance: I disappear, run away without any evidence to where I was going… Then people at my school would say things like this: “She got pregnant and had to find her baby daddy.” or “She decided to drop out and be a slut for her living to make enough […]
I’m sorry, my baby…. I’m sorry that I feel this way. That I feel like you don’t love me anymore. I’m sorry that I still want to kill myself because I feel so inadequate. I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you. I’m sorry that I haven’t made as big of an impact on your life as you try to tell me I have. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry that I’m not good for you. I’m sorry you still can’t see that. I’m sorry that I’m clingy, that I’m possessive. I’m sorry that I can’t wait […]
I believe i married the wrong boy. I hate his fucking guts. He is such an asswhole with no regard for anyones feelings but his own. I want to leave him but im stuck. only other option is to die kill myself leaving behind a beautiful baby. Why stay with him is the question i ask myself. I fucking hate this guy. Stupid dick. I wish i had the balls eboygh to completely exit frim this shitty earth. Buuuuuut no im a big fat scardy cat. This is bullshit.
Im having a really bad day today you see when I was 15 I was in a very abusive relationship he was fisicaly mentally an verbally abusive i moved in with him two months after dating he looked me in a room for what it seem to be for ever and would only give me wate r and bread a couple months after that I got pregnant I loved my baby very much I was 4 months pregnant when I lost my little angel my ex kicked me in the stomach soo hard he killed my baby… God I hate him so much about A […]