Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling ok. My depression comes in waves I guess. I went to bed feeling ok, but woke up feeling like shit. I don’t know why this happens. I’ve got a feeling something bad is coming. I’m going to screw up some how and everyone is going to be mad. Do you know that feeling? It’s that gut feeling that the momentary peace you feel isn’t going to last very long. There’s not really much to say. I’ve got a few more weeks until testing. I realize I’m way behind since my depression kind of came back. I don’t really see myself […]
I keep thinking about what I might’ve done in my past to deserve a life like this, and I realized that I screwed up alot, nothing really intentionally. So by my account I should be even with the house, debt paid in full. It seems that not the case, so now I’m beginning to wonder if this is just the hand I’ve been dealt and I just gotta play it out ??? Like I said, I’m no angel but as an adult I’ve grown and always tried to learn from my mistakes, I try to help, and give, […]
Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling less like a piece of shit than usual. However, I’m positive that I’ll have a freak out sooner or later. Since I’ve been on SP for a week I might as well talk about the first and only time I’ve ever attempted suicide. And by that I mean a half-baked attempt that would have just landed me in the hospital with a stomach ache or not even that. So this was a few years ago and my depression was the worse it had ever been. My parents had just got done yelling at me for a $20 dollar fee I […]
I’m not sure if the way I perceive it is normal, so can you all let me know on this? I usually don’t have an innate sense of if something that happened was 3 days ago or 3 weeks ago. I have to go by numerical dates, or if I don’t have those, I have to carefully go through the logical sequence of events and match up specific events before and after whatever I’m thinking of, and find numerical dates for those so that I can come up with a range and figure out when it was.
I can mostly remember things that happened yesterday as definitely having been yesterday, […]
Damn it’s hard to try live like normal people I feel myself slowly slipping back into that dark place been trying to fight it and I still will but time will tell how things will go how is everyone doing today u know when u got so much on your mind that your mind goes blank and your body is on autopilot that’s how I feel
Just a picture I threw together on my phone in like ten minutes. But a bunch of shit in my life right now just became more shitty. And my mom was confused why I reacted the way I did because my life is just so great, at least she thinks. 1. She’s only there for the good parts. 2. She doesn’t know anything I’m dealing with. 3. I don’t have god shitting his shiny gold turds into my […]
Ok, so I realized that I’ve been doing something weird. I’ll find myself laughing or smiling about something, and then I’ll focus on it and feel bad about laughing or smiling… then I immediately think of stuff that makes me depressed and I shift right back into my depression. It’s like… I refuse to allow myself to feel any kind of happiness.
I don’t know what this is… It’s like I’m punishing myself. I don’t understand what I’m doing to myself.
Does anyone else do this?
Hi. I’m the rug.
I’m in pretty significant pain today, but something new, my family is also screwing me out of what little money I manage to save up.
I lent my sister 1k a while back.
Rather than paying me, she paid my mom, and told me I could get it back from her- which we all know isn’t true.
My mom has bought an in-ground pool during a semester where she screwed me out of paying a third of my college semester, and now she has taken out a second mortgage on the house.
She threatened to kick me out again over something as silly as […]
hay guys I’m still alive iv been trying to keep busy just in case you was wondering how has everyone been holding on I hope we’ll I’m not sure when the next time il post again but if u want to chat feel free to email me new and oldies on here indigojones5@gmail.com
darktide cordless hazy phantom crowbar procel and a few other names iv been thinking of you guys thanks for the support I appreciate that we have met and help each other though some rough dark nights thanks you everyone who is joined to suicide club
drowning hi5 everyone stay stong il be back like […]
Last night, I had the most difficult attempt at sleeping.
I had booked a Motel to saying weeks prior with the intention of forcing myself to be social and go to an event at a bar. But as time grew closer, I was contemplating suicide.
Thursday 4/14/16
I was afraid that the room I had booked would be my last night. I thought of buying a rope but was afraid of being judged, so I decided not to buy it. I checked in and bought an egg sandwich and alcohol. I took a xanax and began to drink. I walked to the bar and the place was deserted. […]
And the worst part is I don’t even OWN a dog.
Anyway, woke up today with a terrible earache, which probably means my ear infection came back.
Hurts to eat or drink anything (chewing and swallowing, ouch).
It even hurts to talk.
So here I am, sitting quietly at home, eating and drinking nothing.
Hello. I’m very uncertain about a lot of things. I’m not even really sure that I’m suicidal. I think about killing myself all the time and I even daydream about how I would do it. But if I was really suicidal, wouldn’t I have already done it by now? Literally I could just go into the kitchen while everyone’s asleep, get a knife, cut my throat, and lie down on the bed. But every time I’m at my lowest and feel the urge to do it, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I guess I’m too afraid. I imagine I’m put in situations […]
Hello. I think I’m running out of steam. I just don’t really care anymore. It’s a hassle to get up in the morning, I stopped talking to a lot of people, my grades are starting to slip (yes I’m in high school), my teachers and other students are getting visibly frustrated when dealing with me. I just don’t really care anymore. I try my best to put up this front that I’m fine, but I’m starting to lose motivation for that too. It’s starting to show, and I can’t afford another freak out and get sent back to therapy. I’m tired. And I feel shitty […]
sorry to post again put I’m too unstable I was fine the part of that wanted to left . But he went vacation because it’s back and I am not OK . The only thing I want to do is miraculously drop dead or cut myself honestly . I don’t know why I want to do that, but I have so much heaviness in my chest right now .that maybe if I cut it might let some of this black greasy feeling out. It feels like I’m in Mourning like someone die that’s how sad and hopeless I feel. I don’t know what to […]
I guess the temptation is to just say fuck it, and paint my brains all over the walls. My last act would be clicking back the hammer, like cracking open the most refreshing can of soda ever. But I guess for now I’ll have to settle for blasting some music in my headphones. It’s like sipping on lemonade because you’re literally on fire. Kudos
Hello. This is my first post. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I’m really tired. My parents were having another conversation behind my back. The usual. I’m kind of a disappointment to them. I flipped a coin today to see weather I would kill myself. Heads I keep going. It landed on heads. I doubt I would’ve done anything if it landed on tails. I stopped having these thoughts for a while. They kind of resurfaced. Its been a few weeks now. My head is throbbing. Made a fake email so I could sign up. If my parents found out it would […]
So I have another decision to make …..to stay in lake tahoe..or..go back to park city utah… ether way I’m stayinf four months. I hated my life when I was in Utah but I will be away from my in laws for a few months or so and I’l be out lake tahoe were I see my life going no were.
Down sides ccomplete seclusion , crappy food. nothing to do but work and It will be just me and my husband .
Also after this four months my life will be up in the air MY husband dose not want to move back to Chicago ever […]
I never thought I’d be back.
But look who’s here, again.
I guess this time, it’s different.
And yet, it’s the same as ever.
I’m on the edge right now. One of the few close friends I have, someone I considered my best friend, said that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore ever since I tried to kill myself back in December, because dealing with the depression is too much. Apparently I’m just too sad all the time and it’s bringing her down…
I’m so fucking tired of my depression ruining relationships. If this medical condition was diabetes or something like that, this never would happen. But these suicide thoughts are out of my control. At the end of the day, after she told me the truth […]
I was sexually abused when I was 14 and used to have dreams about it again and an=gain, they were different, different people that I knew, different places, and I would fight. but recently, now 18, ive been having slightly different dreams, still the same content, but I don’t recognise the people, I don’t know where I am, why I’m in that situation, and most distressingly, I don’t fight back anymore in these dreams. I just don’t understand. any one?